This story is for the 2017 April Fool's contest. They asked for something with a surprise, deception or a trick ending. Check. Check. Check. Oh, and sex too. Check. Enjoy!
Post-mortem erections (erections after you are dead) really happen. Wikipedia says it occurs in one third of men who are hanged. It can also happen to men who are killed quickly and violently if positioned in certain ways. Google pictures at your peril! (Seriously. The pictures are macabre, grotesque and haunting. They are not for the squeamish and it isn't necessary that you see them to understand the story.)
^^^
The limo pulled up to the front door of the grand Clarke residence. Mary Lenore waited for the chauffeur to open her door. Then she exited stepping out on the cobblestone driveway.
She straightened the skirt of her expensive coral and salmon tweed suit. It was from Chanel, a fashion house, she adored. It was her favorite outfit. She loved the colors and the cropped jacket that came with it. She wore it well. She was tall and thin in the waist and hips like a fashion model. However, her bust was nothing like Kate Moss's petite boobies. She had a rack that any stripper would've been proud to display.
"Thank you," she said in a distracted manner to the driver.
She had a lot more on her mind than to remember to be polite to the help. This was the first time she'd been invited to the great estate since her mother had died five years ago. She had been a rare visitor for the five years before that. Ostensibly, she was in college for those years and only returned for big family holidays, like Thanksgiving and Christmas. The truth was, her wealthy stepfather had exiled her because he was fed up with her bratty behavior.
Mary tilted her head back and looked left and right just as she did when she was twelve and she first saw this massive house. That was sixteen years ago. Back then, she was angry, very angry. She was upset that her parents had gotten a divorce and outraged that her mother had re-married. She was not looking forward to living with her new step-father even in this fabulous house. She loved and missed her dad.
Today, the twenty-eight-year-old was not in awe. Nothing impressed her anymore. She was used to the best of everything. She'd been a spoiled, rich kid for sixteen years. After the death of her mother her step-father, David Clarke, had continued her allowance out of respect for his beloved wife.
The door of the grand house opened. A distinguished looking, middle-age man in a black suit stepped her way and said, "Miss Lenore, I am Lester Hills. Your father's attorney."
"Stepfather," Mary said testily.
"Yes. As I explained on the phone, you are a beneficiary in his will."
She interrupted him again. "Aren't I his only living heir?"
"Yes. Mr. Clarke had no children or siblings. He has no living relatives. Please come into the house and I will fill you in on the aspects of his will that pertain to you."
The two went inside. Mr. Hills went into the library. Mary followed. They sat in wing chairs near the ornate fireplace.
Mary showed her crassness by asking, "How much do I get?"
Mr. Hills sighed heavily. He was disappointed by her behavior. He had worked for David Clarke for many years. He liked and respected him. Mr. Clarke was a self-made man, just a high school graduate, who had made a fortune. Many people do that, what was so impressive, was that in addition to being a successful businessman, he was a good and decent person.
Mr. Clarke was a kind and generous man who supported dozens of charities. He shared his wealth with his employees and the citizens of his hometown. Mr. Hills was disturbed by Mary's attitude and behavior. He tried not to show it.
In a professional manner, he answered her question. "Miss Lenore, in your stepfather's will your inheritance ranges from one dollar to one million dollars."
"What? I don't understand."
"Are you familiar with conditional gifts?"
"No."
"Upon his death, Mr. Clarke's assets transfer into a trust. I am the manager of the trust. The amount of money I am authorized to pay you is determined by your actions."
"He can do that?"
"Yes. The courts have held that conditional gifts are legal. Examples of common conditions are, the trust will pay for a college education or a person can only get their inheritance if they successfully complete drug re-hab. Some uncommon, but still valid conditions are you only get the money if you marry in a certain faith. One person lost his inheritance because he put his mother in a nursing home after the deceased required that his widow be allowed to live out her life in the family home."
"Oh. Okay. So, what's the condition?"
"Actually, there are a couple of tasks you must complete."
"And I walk away with one million dollars?"
"Yes," Mr. Hills said. He stood and handed her a one dollar bill.
"What's this?"
"I told you that you were a beneficiary of Mr. Clarke's most current will. That dollar is yours. If you are amenable, I explain the conditions Mr. Clarke has established. If you meet them all, upon final settlement of David Clarke's will, you will receive one million dollars."
"Great. Let's get started," Mary said eagerly.
Mr. Hills booted up a computer. He turned the screen to face Mary. A video message from her stepfather began to play.
"Hello Mary, if you are watching this video, you have agreed to try and satisfy the conditions of my will and my body is lying in repose in the next room. I will cut to the chase. I loved your mother dearly and I was disappointed in our relationship. I found you to be insufferable. You were mouthy, disrespectful, horribly self-centered, and a pain in my ass.
"You aggravated me at every opportunity and worse, you broke your mother's heart. You blossomed at an early age and you flaunted your physical gifts by dressing provocatively and inappropriately. When I or any man glanced at your cleavage or your legs, you would berate us and accuse us of being perverts. Yet you insisted on wearing tight sweaters, short dresses, and low cut tops.
"Today you will get your comeuppance. Mr. Hills will explain."
The video ended. Mr. Hills closed that file. Mary looked at him expectantly.
He said, "Are you familiar with the term "Angel Lust"?"
"No."
"How about "Terminal Erection" or "Death Erection"?"
"No." She gave him a blank look.
"All these terms refer to a post-mortem erection."
"Are you saying that a guy can have an erection after he's dead?"
"Yes."
"No way," Mary said. She didn't believe him.
Mr. Hills opened a file on the computer. A slide show began. It showed photos of dead men with erections.
"No way!" Mary repeated. She stared at the screen. What she saw was a grotesque curiosity beyond anything one might see at a circus freak show. It was macabre, disgusting, disturbing and yet fascinating and mesmerizing.
Mary saw men who were obviously dead sporting huge hard-ons. Some were old photos of men who had been executed by hanging. They still had the rope around their neck. Their heads lolled off to the side at an odd angle because the bones in their neck had been broken. Someone had removed their pants and photographed them with their genitals exposed. They had big, stiff erections.
Mary giggled. Some of the men had huge erections. She said in her mind, "I wished I'd met him while he was alive. We could have had some fun".
The computer scrolled through a dozen pictures. Mr. Hills said, "This phenomenon has been witnessed for centuries. It is not a sexual reaction. It has to do with how and in what position a man is in when he dies. When the heart stops pumping, gravity causes the blood to settle. If a man is vertical, the blood goes to his lower extremities. Once the legs are full of blood, it flows into the penis. If there is more blood, if goes to the abdomen and so forth. I don't have the medical background to explain it better, but as you can see it is real."
Mr. Hills turned off the computer and walked over to a desk. There was a suitcase on it. He opened it. Mary saw it was full of money.
"Wow!" she gushed.
She loved money. She went to it. Her eyes were as big as saucers and she ran her hands over the green bills.
"This is a million dollars. The amount I'm authorized by Mr. Clarke's current will to give you if you complete your assigned task after his death."
Mary looked at him intently. "What do I have to do?" she asked. Her heart was racing.
"Apparently, your relationship with your stepfather was a strained."
She laughed and said, "That's putting it mildly. I was a brat, a real bitch."
"He felt disrespected and that you went out of your way to titillate him with your mature body and then berate him if he so much as glanced at you."
Mary continued to touch the money. She was giddy imagining all the fun she could have with it. It made her talkative. She said, "Yeah. That was me. The girls..."
She turned towards him, cupped her full breasts and lifted them slightly. Then she continued.
"The girls arrived when I was thirteen. Overnight it seems, they grew into a C cup. I was a full D by sixteen. Of course, I was proud of them and I loved to show them off. I don't know why I hated my stepfather, I guess because when he married my mother it meant there was no possibility of my mom and dad getting back together.
"I was mean, snotty and insolent. I had this game I'd played. I'd dress slutily and when he looked at me, I would accuse him of being a pervert.
"He never touched me or tried to take advantage of me. He never stared or ogled me. It would just be a quick peek to see what outlandish outfit I was wearing that day and to confirm how much of my boobs or legs, I was willing to expose to the world.
"Maybe that's the reason I hated him. He adored my mother and barely gave me a second look."
