Professor Wheatfield is an ass. He took my virginity. I hate him for that. I was raised Baptist and was saving myself for my husband. I wanted that first special moment to be in bed on my wedding night when a strong man would press himself into me and take me fully as his wife. Ok, Wheatfield didn't actually take me himself, but he made me put an 8-inch dildo in me. I felt so filled. I hate to say this, but I liked the feel of the big dildo pushing on my clit and stretching me. I hate him for the fact that I was bleeding from my virginity being torn while I was coming from the dildo. My idea of the first time wasn't to be making love to a plastic tube while some geek sat behind a desk and watched.
Mousy Girl was so good to me afterwards-well at least she made me talk and think when I was feeling pretty rotten.
I left Wheatfield's office in a daze. I did not know what to think. I was sore and tingling with pleasure at the same time. I went to my dorm room and laid down. I don't know how long I laid there. I heard a knock on the door. It was Mousy Girl. I lived in a single in the dorm and not many folks knocked to say hi. It was better that way. I think it bothered them that my daddy paid for a single room. I liked the privacy. I could hide from strangers and keep my stuff to myself. I own really good stuff.
"What???" I shouted at the door. I was crying my eyes out and wanted to be alone. I was naked under the sheet on my bed. I wanted to shower but I hated the open shower room at Hemmings. It was like a box with six nozzles. Everyone could see your business. I was too dirty to shower in public. I wanted to buy a motel room for the night so I could take a private shower. I wanted to soak in a deep hot bath. I didn't want the other girls to see me scrub, down there, to wash away the dried sex juice and blood. I wanted to scrub it all away. I hated for girls to see me wash down there because it always looks like you are touching yourself in a naughty way.
"Hey lover its me," Mousy Girl said...she was always too perky. Poor white trash. My daddy warned me about that type. Always reaching into your pocket to help themselves. Don't get too friendly with them he cautioned. They are always playing an angle.
"What?" I shouted again through the door.
"I want to come in," Mousy Girl replied. "Let me in."
Why was she here just now? I didn't want to get out of bed. I felt so dirty. I came twice in Wheatfield's office. I got very excited by him making me diddle myself. I got a rush thinking that a man wanted me to get naked for him and put on a show. I hate him for that. I was exposed, my legs spread, touching myself. He even made me give him a taste of my sex juice. He sucked on my fingers. I just gave him my fingers to suck. I loathe him because I tingled when he sucked my fingers. His tongue shot shivers through my body. I shouldn't have felt that. I wanted to vomit. But I got a rush the moment I spread my lips and exposed myself to him. I liked exposing myself to him. No I didn't like exposing myself. But I got so wet doing it.
"Let me in!" Mousy Girl shouted again.
I got out of bed, tossed on a thick terry robe and let her in. Sometimes you can't fight it. What the fuck could be so important to her now?
"What?" I asked. "What do you want?" I had a go-away tone in my voice.
I was pissy. I just lost my virginity to a piece of plastic and came twice in the process while this little professor man watched. What could be worse?
"Hey love," Mousy Girl always called me love, "I hear you just blew Wheatfield. Everyone knows about his closed-door moments with young hotties. You gave him over an hour behind the closed office door."
I hated her.
I did not blow him. Like what did the campus think about me? Oh God, was I the new Wheatfield whore? Was I the blow-me cum slut bimbo of the first year class? Why didn't some administrator shut down this campus lothario?
"Hey love, you blew him didn't you? Did you do more? You had over an hour..." She asked again.
"Uh no," I said quite curtly. How could everyone on grounds know? At this very moment I was out of Wheatfield's office and back at the dorm for what, maybe an hour? I was sure no one saw me come or go from his office. And it's not like he would tell anyone that he had a naked first year in his office fucking herself with a dildo-or maybe he would tell.
"What the fuck?" Mousy Girl asked in shock. "You spent an hour with his door closed and you didn't blow him? What did you do? He seemed after your butt or something in class today. He made you write that essay about your peach. Come clean?"
How could I tell her? She was like white trash shit. I could not tell her that a piece of plastic had torn my hymen while I was sitting in a professor's office in of all buildings Cocke Hall. I was not close with Mousy Girl. She is not the girl I would choose to share my secrets.
"He raped me." It just came out. I couldn't stop the words.
"He what?" she asked more than a bit incredulous. "He's too shy. You've seen him in class." Her tone switched to downright apologetic, "He's sarcastic but I bet he's all talk no action. I bet he didn't even drop his pants. What really happened girlfriend?"
Why was she defending him? She should be comforting me. Total bitch.
I stared at her. I finally broke. I had to tell someone the details even if it was Mousy Girl. I had to defend myself. I hadn't blown him. I had to get my side of the story out.
"He made me take my panties off. Then I undressed. Then I masturbated for him." Tears started to well up again as I repeated it. I felt like I was looking down on myself seeing it happen again and again over and over as I described that moment. "You satisfied?"
"You touched yourself girl in front of him?" she asked. She was making me repeat the story over again.I was so frustrated by Mousy Girl. What was she thinking? She kept wanting more details. Ugh. What a total bitch. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and here she was making me spill all. Why couldn't she leave me alone? I had this picture in my mind of my hands pushing that thick plastic dildo through my hymen. It hurt so bad but I tingled and felt so full. I would slide it out and need to put it back in.
"He then handed me this huge dildo," I continued like on remote control. I started to cry harder just thinking about it again. I sat on my bed I couldn't go on. Mousy Girl sat next to me.
"He handed me this huge dildo," I sobbed. I coughed. The words kept coming out like by reflex. I felt enraged because each time I thought of the dildo I felt aroused. I could feel myself getting wet again. Very wet. I wanted that stretched full feeling again. I wanted so badly to put something back inside of me. I needed to touch myself and couldn't because damn Mousy Girl was there looking. This had to be wrong because he made me do it. Wheatfield sat and watched me shove that tool into myself. The whole fat tool.
Mousy Girl put her arm around me. Her touch was odd, almost too friendly. She squeezed my shoulder, or was it my breast.
"I have never had anything that big inside me before," I sobbed the words out and sighed. I took a few deep breaths. I needed a tissue. I got up from the bed and found a tissue. I blew my nose. I used another. Blew my nose again. I pulled my robe closed more tightly and reknotted the belt.
I looked in the mirror. My hair was a mass of knots. My eyes were puffy red blisters. Mascara stained my cheeks.
"I have never felt so full. God that thing filled me up." What was I saying? I was telling Mousy Girl about how sex felt. But it wasn't sex. A man wasn't touching me. A piece of plastic was touching me. Wheatfield was making me shove that 8-inch monster toy inside of me. God it hurt. I just realized that I was sore and I wondered if I had torn anything. It seemed like I had bled a lot. But I wanted that full feeling again badly. I had 8 inches stuffed inside of me. How could it fit?
Mousy Girl's eyes followed me around the room. I noticed she wasn't wearing a bra. Odd thing to notice. But she had the largest nipples, bulbous things, nasty and they were poking at her thin white cotton t-shirt. Maybe the room was cold. Why was I thinking about Mousy Girl naked in the shower? Oh the nipples. And it wasn't like she had good breasts or anything.
"And he made me push it in and out, in and out, in and out. It went on and on and on. I was just pushing. In and out."
"What did he do?" she asked in a whisper. She was making me tell her again.
"I don't think he did anything. He just watched." I thought back and I only saw him behind his desk. He didn't touch me. I thought hard to remember. He licked my fingers. I gave him my fingers to lick. But he didn't touch me. He only watched.
