I'm sitting on the floor of the bathroom staring down at the knife I've taken from the kitchen. I'm not sure what was the breaking point this time all I know is that I need this. I look up at the door a small amount of doubt going through me at the thought of doing this behind your back. I sigh and without looking back down I place the blade to my thigh. A slight moan escapes my lips and my eyes fall closed as the blade slides across my skin. It's not deep, just enough to get a few drops of blood. I lean against the wall as I do it again, three, four, and five. I take a moment to breathe then start again on the other thigh, only deeper now. My heart is racing and as if I had taken medication I'm starting to feel better.
I'm so caught up in my activities I don't hear you walk into the apartment. You walk through the apartment looking for me feeling something is wrong because there is no music or sound from the TV. You push open the bathroom door and stop in your tracks. I don't even realize you're there until you clear your throat. I nearly jump out of my skin. I look up at you as tears begin to pour down my face.
"I'm sorry...I just...." I look down and sob. You bend down and jerk the knife out of my hand and throw it out of the bathroom. I can't move as I just sit there sobbing. I hear you turn on the shower. You grab me by my hair and lift me to my feet and make me look at you long and hard. Finally you just lead me into the shower by my hair. I jump when the water touches my skin. "Baby, it's hot!" You look at me and nod once while holding me in my place by my hair. The water runs down my body and across the cuts I've just made. I whimper at first but suddenly this new pain runs though me and makes me shiver with a moan. You hold me in place for about five minutes while the hot water washes away the blood and burns the cuts. You let go of my hair.
"Stay here." Is all you say before you leave the bathroom.