"Cut! CUUUUTT!! God, Gunn, just what the hell is the matter with you?"
"Sorry Manny."
"Sorry, nothing. You're the one who's sorry. You got the cock ring, right?"
"Yeah."
"And the pill, you took that?"
"Yeah, even took the one with that has the four-hour erection as a side effect."
"Well congratulations, I think we just found the first person on this planet unable to fuck Isabelle. Somebody call Ripley's."
Giggle.
Rob Maggetti, a.k.a. Bobby Gunn, was having a really bad day. You may remember him from such gay porn hits as
Phallus in Wonderland
,
Cinderfella
, and the "critically acclaimed" (
Ha!
)
You've Got Male.
Big dude, 6-6 and 240. Had a brief run with the Chargers--get this, he played tight end (
Ha again
)--but broke the NFL's longstanding unspoken "don't ask don't tell" rule. Got ostracized by his teammates and was out of the league in no time.
After parlaying his fame in football to an equally brief career in reality TV (He was third out in Survivor Amazon, a shame 'cuz he was such a dick!), he turned up in the aforementioned gay porn flicks and NOW, at Manny's insistence, here he was making (or at least trying to make) hetero flicks with me. Something about him "expanding his craft".
And who am I you ask? Need you ask? It's Isabelle. That's it. No last name, no middle name. Just Isabelle. Like those Brazilian soccer stars. I'm beautiful, I admit it. Not an ounce of silicone anywhere. I'm not conceited or anything. Really. I know I coulda been born buttugly, but I wasn't. But I'll tell you I AM proud of the way I take care of myself. Anybody can be born with long flowing blonde hair and big eyes. A gorgeous face, a bitchin' bod, and swimsuit model legs, yeah, I've got all that. My biggest fan once told me I looked like Alicia Silverstone, but he took it back when he said I was prettier. I do make sure I always look the best I can. After all, it makes me a good living.
I love sex. Some people think porn stars just go through the motions. I guess there is some of that, particularly when you're dealing with freaks like Maggetti Spaghetti, but gosh, some of the best fucks I've ever had have been right in front of Manny's camera. I'm probably a crap actress, but everyone loves my movies 'cuz they say it all "looks" so real. If they only knew how much it was!
"I've never seen this before in my life," Manny continued. "Gunn, you haven't had any trouble with any of the other women."
Intimidated, maybe?
Maybe I reminded him of his mother? Maybe I wasn't enough like his mother. I didn't take it personally, of course. I am to die for. Time for a break so Bobby Boy could try to get hard.
"Why don't you try to think about the Chargers offensive line or something? What's it gonna take to get you hard? I got deadlines to meet!"
"I'm trying to put the whole football thing behind me."
"I'll put something behind you. Maybe that'll get you started. Shit. Everybody take 10. I'm going to my office." The bathroom, that is. This was Manny's house you see. "I got a tee time this afternoon and I don't want to miss it."
I saw Robby Gunn's eyes darken as he was summarily dismissed. Something strange about the guy. I mean, even stranger than not being able to fuck moi. He hadn't been in the business for very long but thought he was a hot shot. Maybe he was putting too much pressure on himself
(giggle giggle)
. I could do without fucking him, anyway.
The camera guys just went out for a smoke. I figured I'd go freshen up my pretty self. Couldn't believe he couldn't fuck me. Maybe he just wouldn't fuck me. Dude's got issues.
Shit, where's Manny's other bathroom?
"Hi Isabelle."
Double dooty
. I almost forgot HE was here, too. Fernando Lobo, a.k.a. Foot Tall Fernie. Blocking my way to the downstairs bathroom. "Gonna be my lucky day, this movie, right?"
Over my dead body
, I thought. "Gee, I don't know about that, dude. Manny says I never have to do it with anyone I don't want to. Don't mean to be blunt, but 3 ½ inches just doesn't do it for me."
"Hey, it's not what you got, it's how you use it."
"Bullshit." I could cuss like a sailor when I had to. What a repulsive little man. I don't know if it was the scar on his cheek, the patch on his eye, that evil leer, or the smell of fast food on his clothes. Or all of the above. Fernie so gave me the creeps. "Step aside, Fernie," I said in the stairwell. Don't know how you're doing it, but you're in the way."
"We'll see about that scene, Isabelle. I got some pull with Manny, too, you know."
"Yeah, pull this."
Translation, I wouldn't fuck you if you were last disgusting little man on this planet, Foot Tall. Now where's the potty, now I need to pee. God it's a little dark down here, ouch!
Shit, that hurt.
The edge of the pool table felt so good against my hip. That would leave a bruise. I'm so delicate, you know.
Damn, that smarts.
Where's the fucking light switch, God I almost peed myself. There, now I can see.
"Robert Maggetti, just WHAT do you think you're doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing, bitch?"
"Hmmm, you kiss your mother with that mouth? Nice erection by the way, or at least half a one."
"Gotta find some way to get myself excited. Hard to get inspired upstairs if you know what I mean."
"Ooohh, tough guy. Let me ask you somethin'. What is it about me you find so…mmmm...intimidating?"
"You're just a two bit whore who doesn't do anything for me."
"Use your anger, Luke. Join me on the Dark Side. Ha ha. You're pissed at ME because you can't fuck ME?" I found my 'tude starting to kick into high gear. Better watch it before Halfway Hard On decided to retreat again. Didn't want Manny to miss his tee time.
