I'm not big on intercultural relationships. Now, with that statement alone, I'm sure I would attract all kinds of criticism from the social justice warriors about diversity and what not. However, I'm an old man and a realist. I choose to look at the world with both eyes wide open. Relationships are difficult and it is hard to find a partner that matches your personality and shared values. It is only that much more difficult between people of different cultures, that is all I'm saying. In my lifetime, I've seen many young intercultural couples, but very few old ones. Young people get together base on attraction, hormones, etc... but as they age and these things wear off, the reality of their differences often tears the marriage apart. There is a reason divorce rate is 50%.
My wife and I met when we were both in Hong Kong. We came from the same background. In our culture, marriage is very structurally defined. The husband has his role as the provider and the household leader. Likewise, the duty of a wife is fulfilled in taking care of the family, cooking, and cleaning. Of course, I'd imagine many in the more liberal minded Western world would have a problem with this. However, I like to point out the hypocrisy of those who claim to embrace diversity, yet criticize cultural differences they do not agree with.
To me, egalitarianism is just the excuse to argue and nag each other in a marriage. I've always thought our system is the only true genuine symbiosis. Sure I do not cook and clean, but I am the one doing the yard work, plumbing, electrical work, and all other so called manly household tasks. The truth, if my wife wishes to get her hands into the toilet to unclog the sewage while I prepare dinner, that would be quite dandy for me. Of course, the major difference in our cultural marriage is that the man is in charge; it means he is responsible. I had never in my lifetime ever blamed my wife for my decisions that didn't work out. If anything, often I had to apologize to her if I made a mistake in guiding our family. Needless to say, we didn't argue often in our marriage, we had a symbiosis understanding.
Moving to America was one of those early decisions I made which I ended up apologizing to my wife. She had a career in Hong Kong as I did, but when we came to the US for my post graduate studies, we both had to give them up. Living off grants and our savings, we were poor for many years as I was studying hard. She cried many nights, taking up part time jobs as a babysitter or painting the vacated rooms for our apartment manager. For a husband, watching her living in poverty was not only hurtful, but it was humiliating because of my inability to provide. However, redemption would come after my graduation as eventually we were living among the top middle class of the American dream.
My son, David, was born here in the US and it never really occurred to me how hard it was for him to be a kid growing up in an intercultural environment. Under the influence of both my wife and I, he grew up wrestling with our values and the cultural values of this place, especially the liberal California. Truth is, often I chastised him, calling him weak and unmanly because of the differences. Hopefully from the cultural background I detailed earlier, you understand where I am coming from. A man needs to act like a man, take charge and be responsible instead of being wishy washy, whiny, and complainy.
It sucks watching my boy getting hurt dating during his teen years. I don't get this culture, you know? Like, he asks a girl on a date, "Hi, uh... if you are free this Friday, maybe we can go out and do something?"
That is so weak! I mean, does he not understand women at all? Where I come from, we don't ask girls on dates, we tell them, "Hey, this Friday, I'm taking you out for pizza and movie."
If she doesn't want to, she'll decline. But it is in the tone and the manner of how a man carries himself. I mean, "Maybe we can go and do something?" Girls don't like that, they want to go out and have fun. They don't want to be stressed by details on a date. A man needs to have every detail of the date planned beforehand. Whether a girl admits it or not, she's evaluating a man's ability to make decisions, lead, and take control from how well he plans the date.
This is the nature of things despite cultural differences. So as you can probably understand, I've always thought my son was a weak beta boy. Too many times he ended up getting hurt by girls, lying faced down on the living room carpet listening to sad love songs all day. I find this culture's perspective on relationships quite unnatural. Perhaps that is why relationships are so difficult in this place and divorce is so high.
When David started dating seriously in his young adult years, he picked this one sexy young thing named Victoria. However, being an ABC, American born Chinese, she was completely... uh... I think the term is, "princess syndrome." It pains me watching my boy kissing up and doing everything to please this girl during their courtship. She calls, he drops everything. He buys her everything, gives her all the best, completely spoiling her. Of course he thought it is what you are supposed to do from all those movies and love songs. However, the more he spoiled her, the more entitled she became. Things only got worse after they were married.
When my lovely wife passed away, after nearly 50 years of blissful marriage, my son insisted that I move in with them for at least a month. He didn't want me to be alone, such a sweet kid. This was when I really got to know how his wife was like. Granted I expected a daughter-in-law to be respectful from my cultural perspective, such as bringing me sliced fruits or tea every now and then or even cooking up a good meal, however not only did she do none of that, she treated me with a mild neglect like I was an unwelcomed guest or a stray dog. And each day that passed by, I found myself angrier and angrier with the way she not only treated me, but my son.
Often at night, I would be watching TV in the living room and they would either be in their bedroom or the kitchen arguing. Again, you may not understand what is wrong with this, but not only was she completely disrespectful to my son by belittling him, but in our culture it is considered extremely rude to argue so openly and loudly in front of guests. Though I never paid much attention to what they were arguing about, but it was clear she didn't want me there. The few times I was alone with David, I did bring up my concerns, but only met with his sighing reply, "You're outdated, dad."
So finally one morning after a week or so, I was sitting alone in the living room watching TV when Victoria walked in. She went into the kitchen and returned with a cheesecake before sitting on the couch next to me. I was a bit surprised since so far she had been avoiding me during this whole visit. She was dressed in a grey string tank top and a pair of blue gym sweatpants with her hair in a long ponytail. I have to say, I could actually understand why my boy spoiled her, she was amazingly beautiful and exquisite. Well, she wasn't really my type, but damn she was still fine as fuck.
If you've ever visited Asia, you'd know Asian women tend to be petite and extremely slim. However, Victoria was tall, at around 5'7", and like most ABC girls, she was "thick." By that I don't mean she was fat or even remotely plump, but just that she was not Asian slim. Her body was, I would say, "full," and her large braless tits were wrapped tightly beneath the tank top, leaving nothing to the imagination. I think it is typical in the Western world for girls to look like this since they tend to eat and exercise more. If she weren't such a bitch, I think even at my age she would've given me a hard boner just at the sight of her fuckable body.
