Ever had a panty job?
You know, kind of like an upgraded dry hump?
It's where you get your partner to drop their pants / dress and lay on their stomach on a bed, couch or chair while you grind and rub your cock into the crack of their ass until you get off. I know a lot of you reading this post are like, why not just stuff you cock into the offending orifice and be done with it?
Answer: Because that shit is boring and lacks imagination. Plus a panty job can be steamy and hot leading to intense sexual encounters later with that partner.
Done right a panty job can be better than you average run of the mill sex.
Back in the fall of 1998, I'd loaned some dough to a female non-friend. Let's just say that "Marsha" was a complete bitch. A short stubby Italian girl with a chunky backside and a shock of afro sized matted hair, this freckled faced chick was making any friend with her Rosie O' Donel type attitude.
So much so, that she had lost her job as a animal groomer and decided to take a sabbatical until she found her next job. Of course when the money ran out she had no one to turn to and appealed to my better nature.
"Fuck no!!"
"Please!!" She had begun to tear up at the thought of her pending eviction.
"Hey, in case you hadn't noticed. We're not cool, we're not friends, we're not shit to each other and besides, you're a heinous bitch!!"
"I know and I'm sorry about all the times I called you nigga. I was just playing!! It's only two hundred dollars man ... Come on!!"
"Why me?"
"You're really a nice guy and I burnt all my bridges with my real friends [sobbing]. My parents are telling me to sell my ass on the street man!!!"
"Sounds like sound advice to me."
"FUCK YOU!"
I just started grinning and walked away. Marsha was standing in the middle of the street shaking and sobbing. She was right. I was a nice guy to nice people and I just kept flashing back to the time a cup of beer was tossed into my face when Marsha thought that I had goosed her. It was actually an acquaintance that was into her. We were at this show and he reached through the crowd and grabbed a handful of her chunky ass. She spent the next four month calling me everything out of the book.
"PUSSY!!"
"Whatever."
"FAG!!"
I hardly looked back, but I could hear the sobs getting louder.
"PLEASE!! I'll SUCK YOU OFF MAN!"
That little offer got to me. The idea of this racist bitch choking on my penis was amusing and completely evil. I was a chivalrous guy on occasion, but I had no love for this cunt.
"Okay."
"What?"
"I say okay."
"You'll loan me the money?"
"After ...you know."
Marsha scowled and stalked back off towards her apartment. I just watched her moping off silently giggling at her defeat. She shocked me by looking back and motioning with her arm for me to follow her. I followed to see what would happen next because I never believed she would actually suck a black guy off, much less me of all people. I was kind of nervous as she fumbled for her keys. I didn't want anybody that knew me to see me going into her flat. I'd never hear the end of it, but it would make a good story to tell my other friends.
Inside Marsha's apartment was fucking filthy, discarded pizza boxes and taco bell wrappers littered the grungy carpet along with DVDS of Will & Grace.
Marsha was a proud Fag Hag.
[Even gay men hated her and had on one occasion pummeled her for an insensitive comment regarding an associate's anal warts.]
"Where do you wanna uhm, you know, do it?"
It was an honest question.
"Does it even matter fuck face?!!"
She was pissed in her defeat. She was attempting to kneel and having some difficulty. She finally tripped and fell on her fat bottom with a huff. I just stared at her sitting there like a scoop of shit flavored ice cream.
I honestly didn't know if I could get it up.
"Come over here."
"Uh."
"Come on man, don't you want your cock sucked?"