Dear Readers,
I'm glad you decided to spend some time with me today. You see, I'm 25, and being of the New Millennium—I don't keep a diary, and what I have to share with you could be grounds for judgment in this Puritanical society. What other way can a digital diva share her inner most thoughts about the recent developments in her life? Well, I decided to share my sexual experiences with you—first off, they're hot and secondly, I hope they can inspire girls like me. Women who prefer to put in the extra work and construct the fantasies within their head, based solely on the black and white text splayed out before them. Women who find themselves too unattractive or too fat, or too whatever to deserve great sex in which they are respected. This series is about my evolution. My journey to self-discovery and acceptance- one cock at a time. Yes- these accounts are true. Yes- they will include acts of BSDM, Casual Sex, Experimentation, Fantasies of control/non consent, and of course, my honest thought process about every single new bedfellow.
What I am about to say may shock you... I stayed a virgin until the age of 22. It is not that I am a conservative, nor am I a religious person, nor even that I was waiting for the right guy to come along. Simply put, the idea of getting naked in front of anyone made me too nervous. I merely did not date. No one asked, and neither did I. I was around lots of guys through high school and college. But I was always the overweight, geeky, unassuming friend. Nobody ever saw me in that way, and I accepted that as just the way my life would be.
All my life sex has fascinated me. I suppose it is because it seemed so taboo for me, personally, to experience the act- that I study sex in an anthropological sense. I watched every television series documentaries and Real Sex. I consumed porn everyday, whether that is written or video. Sex is natural, sex is wonderful, and now that I accept myself for who I am, sex is something I cannot get enough of! I hope you enjoy my sexual awakenings—I know I sure as hell did!
Please enjoy. For the purposes of privacy, I have shortened the names of every partner to just their first initial. As for me, you can call me Red. Everything else remains authentic.
Entry One: The Politician.
"Okay, run me through what the moral implications of Plato's Republic one more time..." I yawn with exaggeration. Looking up at him with steam from my extra tall extra black coffee wafting through my field of vision.
"Tsk" he responded spinning his computer around to show me the slide bulleting out the main points.
"Red, I hate to break this to ya, but your brain has reached its study threshold. Cramming anymore would be as pointless as Ross Perrot going for the White House again."
He starts laughing at his own joke and all I can do is roll my eyes at the stupidity. This study session had taken a turn for the awkward. What was once four of us, my two friends, and then him. C. for short. This kid had been a pain in my ass for the last three years. I spent a lot of my time in the Student Government Association, as did he. We both had a lot of mutual friends, and I went to a very, very small liberal arts college. C. was a up and comer in the most annoying ways. Harvard in his dreams and the White House in his fantasies- he had his whole future planned out. He also happened to be African American. He also happened to be Republican—now that, I had a problem with. As a woman who possesses both a brain and a heart, of course I am a Democrat. In college, I was ardently so. C. and I used to get into knock down drag out debates that left us both breathless and near violence to own another. My senior year, he was elected President of the SGA. I spent twelve hours a week following his orders, acting on his small council and on various other bodies throughout campus. We were not friends; we pretty much despised one another.
We also happened to be in the same Classical Philosophy class, and that is how he ended up at my apartment pulling an all nighter with. Because my apartment was fifteen minutes from campus, and C. didn't have a car, he was staying here until I drove us to class at 10.
"You're right. It's too late now to try for sleep... But if you want there are a ton of news shows recorded on my DVR. Help yourself. I'm going to go..." I stammered trying to find an escape from you in this tiny, studio apartment.
"Oh, hey, is this the new Beyoncé movie?" C. asks while picking up the evidence of the automatic rental dispenser.
"Yeah, it's the one where the white girl tries to seduce Beyoncé's husband or something like that- Haven't watch it yet."
"Well, I'm sure you don't record FOX, so anything news related you'd have is probably going to cause us to scream and yell. Might as well just watch this." The lackadaisical way he suggestively commands me to do his bidding makes me furious. He's so condescending.
"Put it in then, I'll be right back." I mutter through clenched teeth as I get up off the couch and head to my bathroom. I just need some space from him before I slap him in the back of the head. Who the fuck does he think he is? 'Oh, you're a woman so you can' possibly watch a news program without you loosing your head.' Prick.
My apartment is absolutely beautiful but small. There is no bedroom, but there is a huge bathroom with a large walk-in closet. I quickly wash my face, brush my teeth, and change into a tee shirt and a pair of sleepy pants. Emerging from the restroom, my jaw almost dislocated completely. There he was. C. standing up putting the DVD into the player, stark ass naked.
"Wha. Wha. What the fuck" I stammer.
"Oh, come one, don't act like you've never seen a naked man before. I just didn't bring any clothes with me and I don't want mine to get all wrinkled so I can wear them to class tomorrow. It's no big deal." C calmly caressing his words.
"I don't want your butt sweat all over my couch nasty, so either stand up- or let me find you something to wear." I mockingly seethed in response.
"Trust me, when I'm through, it wont just be mine." He whispered to me with a undertone of severity.
It caught me by surprise. In all of our debates, arguments, and back and forth banter- I had never felt a spark before. It wasn't like I was struck by lightening. It was more as if you're walking past the same item on the grocery shelf for the thousandth time and one day, they changed the package. Boom! You want something you never had before. C. here in all his glory and all the sudden, I definitely wanted the new package.
"Uh-hmm... I'll be right back. Again." I said over my shoulder as I spun back into the bathroom. Nearly missing the door jam in my haste to run away.
At this point, my desire to finally experience sex outweighed my insecurities. At a size 22, I was not comfortable being naked, or even partially naked. I looked into the mirror, trying to psych myself up. Staring at my reflection I kept telling myself that not all women look like the girls in porn. That I was attractive. That he obviously wanted some. And if that was the case, who knows when the next guy is going to come along that actually wants to sleep with me? If I don't do this now, can I face another 22 years wondering what sex is like? Could I handle one more slightly bewildered stare I get when it becomes apparent that I am a virgin who is not a prude? I did what any overly self-conscious girl would do. I quickly shaved from knee to waist, (because who does that if it is not summer or they are not assured to get some?) and then I threw on a dress, quickly moved to turn off all the lights, and used the glowing light of the small television to make my way back to the couch.
