There is certainly strong coercion in this story. The female author is not certain whether there is non-consent or possibly rape. In my opinion, the author, who is not me, is raped. She never said no, she never fought off his advances but they were not sought and she didn't understand what she was drawn into. Please feel free to express your opinion. I have stated mine, as a male. If you feel happy to say your gender, I think that would add value.
Satsuma
It has taken me twenty-five years to tell this story. Why so long? I initially felt guilty, which I should not have, then I felt deeply embarrassed and finally it just seemed too long ago. Why now, society has changed a lot and now I feel angry.
I was eighteen years old and had just lost my virginity. I had been brought up in a religious family and always taught that sex outside of marriage was a sin. Other than feeling guilty about masturbating, this didn't bother me very much until at eighteen I met a man who I thought I was in love with. I had not even held a man's hand but the twenty-four-year-old Tod blew me away. I could refuse him nothing and within a month we had moved from light petting to him taking my virginity. Yes, I was naΓ―ve and stupid but at no stage did I say no, or want to say no. In fact I loved how he made love to me. The very first time, I orgasmed before he penetrated me and once more while he fucked me from behind.
It was only days after this that I found out he was married with a child. I felt so many things, none of them good. I became very depressed and wallowed in self-pity but also guilt. I hadn't felt guilty at the time but now my religious upbringing kicked in. I felt I needed to confess my sins and decided to go to confessional for the first time. I regularly went to the church so this seemed straight forward, even though I had not done it before.
I decided to go at a quiet time of the week as I didn't want our neighbours to know. Workmen were doing work on the church roof, as had seemed to be the case for years. When I went into the church, I realised that the Father was not going to be sitting waiting for someone to arrive at the confessional but decided that I would make myself familiar with it. I pulled the curtain back and knelt down. I nearly jumped out of my skin when a voice said,
"Good afternoon, my child. Have you come to confess your sins?"
"Oh, sorry Father I did not expect anyone to be there, right now."
"Father Bernard is not here this week but I will be happy to receive your confession. You may call me Father John. How long has it been since your last confession?"
"I have never confessed. This is my first time."
"I will be pleased to hear your first confession. You seem very young, what do you have to confess, my child?"
"I suppose it is both the sins of unpure thought but also sins of the body."
"You sound so young, please tell me more about your sins, so that I can help you."