Ch. 13: David Smith must make girlfriend Tina see the light.
I waited, as in Greystone Prison's Security Checkpoint building, the seconds passed disquietingly.
If this was a tactic routinely deployed by the two Receiving Officers Melanie and Natalie to discomfit visitors and to discourage them from opening their mouths to open a dialogue for no purpose other than to attempt to engage them in idle discourse, their deterrent certainly worked with me.
Implicit in the prohibitive stares of the two Receiving Officers was that exchanges of pleasantries of the day were unwarranted, cordial conversational observations were surplus to requirement - in fact, their openly hostile glares made it crystal clear that anything other than strictly necessary business related utterances would be unwelcome and indeed impermissible.
Neither, and even less so, did the forbidding expressions on the countenances of the other two prison officers present invite so much as a polite Good-morning, let alone an unsolicited outpouring of tittle-tattle.
Summoned via their Walkie Talkies by Receiving Officer Natalie, prison officers Bella Donna and Billie Jo had entered the Security Checkpoint building more than a minute ago but had yet to say a word.
The fact that they were all so outstandingly beautiful and stunningly attractive only served to make me feel even more uneasy and all the more awkward.
With each passing second my anxiety increased as each of the four 'Jailhouse Blue' female prison officers subjected me to their silent scrutinising stares.
The only sounds, the slap-slap-slap-slapping of Receiving Officer Melanie's uniform foam-rubber soled flip flops that with nerve-jarring monotony beat a devil's tattoo against the bottoms of her bare heels as she sat with her feet propped up on the corner of her desk.
But when at last one of them did break the growing tension of the uncomfortably lengthening silence, the stony look in her eyes and her curt manner of address and the uncompromising authority conveyed in the tone of her voice did little to settle my jangling nerves and nothing to calm my growing concerns.
"Community servant David double-oh-seven," said Receiving Officer Natalie. "Officers Bella Donna and Billie Jo will now escort you to Governor Monroe's office. They will accompany you throughout your visit. Finally, they will return you here. Where you will quietly wait, until your Securi-Fem return transport to Canford arrives to collect you."
I understood from Receiving Officer Natalie's forbidding expression that a verbal reply was not required and so I didn't make one.
Prison officer Bella Donna now stepped forward.
At hearing the sudden slapping sounds of her foam-rubber soled flip flops rapping smartly at her bare heels as she closed the half dozen or so steps' distance that separated us, female feet featuring so predominantly in my life these days, almost automatically I found myself looking down at prison officer Bella Donna's approaching feet.
Before being assigned as Sock Room community servant by Canford's Community Service Liaison Officer, Ms Harriet Harmman MP, I had thought that one pair of feet were much like another.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
Just like the features on people's faces, by now I had seen such a range of shapes, sizes, and myriad other distinguishing characteristics, I was of the opinion that feet were every bit as different and individual (and, the more I saw of them, as recognisable) as faces.
Now, I observed that prison officer Bella Donna's pale-skinned feet were in fact beautifully formed, and appreciatively I noticed that her slender medium-long toes were done up attractively in the French pedicure style.
When I looked up again, from her now stationary feet, I saw that in her hands were a shiny set of handcuffs.
And now, in her immediate presence and making direct eye contact from barely a foot away, most forcefully was I made acutely aware of just how outstandingly beautiful and stunningly attractive was the flawlessly pale-skinned, penetratingly ice-blue eyed, platinum-blonde prison officer Bella Donna.
"Put your hands behind your back, Community servant David," she said. Her calm, cool tone conveyed to me that she was accustomed to being obeyed promptly and without question or demur.
"What?" I said, taken aback - and alarmed. I'd heard the scary rumours and horror stories of the sort of things that went on in this place - and there was no smoke without fire. "Why do I need to-"
"Regulations," interjected officer Bella Donna.
"But, I-"
"Community servant David double-oh-seven," cut in officer Bella Donna again, speaking sharply, her ice-blue eyes glinting ominously. "You are obstructing a prison officer in the course of her duties."
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to. But-"
"Perhaps you are unaware that, for that, with just one word to the Governor from me with supporting testimony from three reliable witnesses, albeit you are a visitor that is no protection and you could well find yourself being led away to sample a variety of our ... correctional procedures."
I realised that my lame laments and feeble protestations weren't cutting any ice with the Ice Princess, and so I thought it best just to cooperate and to put my hands behind my back as instructed.
Besides, I didn't like the sound of being "led away".
But I didn't like the idea one little bit, I thought as officer Bella Donna stepped behind me.
With my hands restrained behind my back, I would hesitate to put my faith in these so-called Blues and trust them to conduct themselves within the parameters as set out in the Penal Code regulatory guidelines. What was to stop them, from-
From behind me, I heard prison officer Bella Donna's grunt of satisfaction upon cinching her handcuffs around my wrists so tightly it was all I could do to stop myself crying out.
She then leant in close, and it was more so in the manner of her discompassionate delivery than her actual words of warning that sent a chill right to my heart as she whispered icily in my ear. "Hurts, doesn't it? But, trust me: that's nothing. And believe me, double-oh-seven, there is nothing I enjoy more than teaching a few manners to disrespectful males and bringing them to heel - especially uppity, little whippersnappers like you who won't do as they are told the first time. So now I am telling you: When I or any other officer tells you to do something, you will do it promptly - and without any backchat. This is not a debating society. The orders and instructions we issue are exactly that: orders and instructions. To be obeyed and complied with at once. They are not up for discussion ... got it?"
I nodded once, compliantly signalling that I'd got it.
She was not finished, though, and certainly not placated, for she then continued breathing into my ear just as frostily. "I am Officer Bella Donna. And during your visit here, of which I have been given the dubious honour of conducting, you will address me accordingly at all times and with all due respect. Or, of a manner and means at my personal discretion, you will suffer the correctional consequences - which I assure you will be very painful and will live long in the memory. I advise you to bear in mind also that my colleague Billie Jo expects the same consideration ... and she isn't as tolerant or as lenient as me."
I looked at prison officer Billie Jo, who was still standing near the door.
And, such was her aggressive cane-at-the-ready demeanour and the baleful glare she returned, it was enough to convince me that what I'd imagined highly unlikely might, in fact, be true: the raven-haired, olive-complexioned prison officer Billie Jo was, to be feared even more.
Upon seeing that her colleague Bella Donna had finished her little tete-a-tete pep talk, prison officer Billie Jo said, all business, "Let's go, Community servant David - you are keeping the Governor waiting!"