Ch. 9: David Smith's day deteriorates drastically - in the Sock Room.
*
Week 4: Monday (continued).
Unloading the Socks r Us delivery van, I thought this was the largest consignment yet.
Two-thirds, to three-quarters of the load, consisted of the in-demand long white sport and leisure socks; the firm favourite, of the sock-changing females of Canford.
And I knew there was to be another big delivery of this favoured footwear, this coming Friday ... just in time, for the commencement of the Sock Room's much advertised and much looked forward to Saturday-opening.
My two young Sock Room supervisors Community Service Officers Karen and Linda were over the moon about these upcoming extended opening hours.
Over the moon, that is, about the incredibly generous AFP-funded overtime pay they would be earning, thanks to the ready amenability of the local AFP representative and their immediate boss, Community Service Liaison Officer Harriet Harmman.
In return for the expenditure of such minuscule effort in overseeing my (enforced and unpaid) Saturday sock-washing 'backlog reduction' endeavours, the premium rate overtime pay that CSOs Karen and Linda would be 'earning' for 'working' Saturdays would boost their hopes of realising their much cherished early-retirement-to-the-sun dream.
I worked quickly, and in a little over five minutes I'd hand-trucked all of the sticky-tape sealed, colour-coded cardboard boxes of socks, stencilled 'Canford', inside the Sock Room to the much-depleted shelves.
But before I could unbox, unpackage and shelve the socks, complying with the instructions issued to me by the lady Socks r Us delivery van driver Stella I first had to sweep out and damp-mop the bare metal floor of her now fully unloaded Mercedes Sprinter van.
While I was busy, performing my menial labour van-tidying work for her, cordially invited to coffee by CSOs Karen and Linda as was customary, Stella was relaxing comfortably, enjoying their hospitality downstairs in the office.
At least they were out of my hair for a bit, and I was always grateful for that.
But soon Stella would be back, I was thinking, with increasing unease.
And as working quickly I brushed out the bits of sock-related debris and then damp-mopped the floor of her spacious delivery van, I grew more fretful by the second.
Because, for my male citizen's offence of 'Talking out of Turn' to a female (my lowly societal status as a community servant, gravely exacerbating the seriousness of the misdemeanour) the offended female Socks r Us delivery van driver was about to administer the statutory, summary caning punishment: the Standard Six.
*
"You'll have to finish restocking the shelves later, double-oh-seven," said CSO Linda. "Come down here. And hurry up - Stella hasn't got all day. She has to get back to her factory base in Heeling for another vanload of socks. She's got other Sock Rooms to supply. So the sooner she can administer your Standard Six, the sooner she can be on her way."
I looked over, to see that, fresh from enjoying CSOs Karen and Linda's coffee-time hospitality, Stella was now returning with my two supervisors ... And, judging from the anticipatory gleam in her eye, Stella was clearly relishing the prospect of indulging in another enjoyable treat: personally administering the Standard Six, to the bared bottom of an uppity community servant.
I could just imagine Stella from Heeling laughing about it, later, while regaling her sock factory work colleagues with the amusing anecdote during their lunch break: How she'd 'Standard-Sixed' Canford's Sock Room community servant, red-striping my bared backside in front of an audience of approving and cheering sock-changing females ...
"Come on - Sock Boy! Stop daydreaming!" snapped CSO Karen, hectoring me to position myself promptly to receive the Standard Six. "I said: Come on - Sock Boy! Chop-chop! The sooner you get this over with, the sooner you can get on with hand-washing all of these dirty socks."
I put down the 5-pack of long white, sport and leisure socks that I'd been about to unpack and shelve, and said respectfully, "Yes, Miss Karen."
Upon reluctantly but resignedly descending the six wooden steps leading down into my lower level, one-man laundry 'domain', CSO Karen said sharply, "You know the drill, Community servant David double-oh-seven: Stand against the wall - facing front."
"Yes, Miss Karen," I said respectfully.
With the six well-padded black leather recliners to either side of the six wooden steps all occupied, ranged against me on the upper level (street level) of the Sock Room in the 'Spectators' Gallery' overlook giving me the evil eye were twelve reclining females.
Though their ages and the ages of the other sock-changing females present in the Sock Room ranged from eighteen to about fifty, predominantly they were in their twenties and thirties.
Facing me at my head height on the other side of the upper level's two-barred safety rail, as though deliberately displayed to me in a cruel, taunting reminder of my unspeakable sock-washer situation, in varying degrees of dismaying and depressing dirtiness were the white-socked soles of ten, of the reclining Canford womenfolk.
The two exceptions were two of the bane-of-my-life Sock Room 'regulars': Norma Newlove and Cheryl Chubb.
Norma Newlove: My across-the-road neighbour from hell, who's bare feet I had been massaging just minutes ago, in the watchful presence of the Community Service Liaison Officer, Ms Harriet Harmman, who thankfully had now returned to the Community Service Liaison Centre.
And Cheryl Chubb: who's days' unwashed, dirty filthy, stinky feet - her Monday-morning feet - were also bare.
Though I knew that it was expected, of me and that I must comply, I could not bring myself to stand at the foot of any particular one of the twelve reclining females' recliners - it was an impossible, Hobson's choice predicament!
To do so would inevitably if erroneously be perceived, by them, as me being selective. Misconstrued, that I was choosing. Misapprehended, that I had a preference. Misjudged, that I had a favourite. Misinferred, that I was, in fact, being ... particular.
But by avoiding standing at the foot of the recliners of any of the feared (yes, feared!) Sock Room 'regulars' and standing between the pairs of (relatively clean) white-socked soles of two reclining females whom I was as yet happily unacquainted with, I knew I was risking aggravating CSO Karen.
"Do not aggravate me - Sock Boy!" hissed CSO Karen menacingly.
Whoo ... Crack!