Everything that happened was the fault of a stupid squirrel. A squirrel, for god's sake. I'd gone camping with a couple of friends, taking advantage of a long weekend and some good weather. We finished up setting up our camp in a camping area at the edge of the national park, close by a ranger's station.
That first day we went for a hike in the woods, finishing up back at the camp around supper time. We made our dinner and very nice it was, too. Ashleigh is very good at outdoor cooking. After dinner we boiled some water for our coffee. I went to get my coffee and it wasn't there.
I was appalled. No coffee? I'd die. Where was my damned coffee? Slowly a memory asserted itself. I'd run out of coffee the last time I was out and had meant to buy some more. Not only meant to but did. It was sitting at home in my pantry.
"I don't have any coffee," I announced with some horror.
"Don't look at me," said Ashleigh, sounding rather smug. "I drink tea. I can let you have some teabags if you like."
"Tea is just muddy water," I protested. "I'd sooner drink the water. Naomi? You drink coffee."
"And I have half a jar right here," she said with a smile. "Catch."
She lobbed the jar to me. It was a simple toss and an easy catch. A babe in arms could have caught it. That's when the squirrel struck. He'd been high up in the tree we were camped under and now decided to descend somewhat. The jar of coffee rose in a casual arc on its way to me. Just as it reached the top of the arc the damned squirrel landed on a slender branch, causing the end of it to whip downwards. The branch was neatly timed to slap the jar of coffee out of the air, dropping it into the campfire, where it promptly broke on a rock.
"We'll have to clear that glass out before we leave," observed Ashleigh.
The glass? Who cared about the glass? The coffee was in the fire.
"My coffee," I said in a whimpering voice.
"My coffee actually, but don't worry about it. I'll join Ashleigh in a cup of tea. I quite like tea. Are you going to join us?"
I gave Naomi an evil glare.
"I think not. It looks and tastes like muddy water. I'll just have water and quietly mourn my coffee."
Those unsympathetic swine simply giggled.
We eventually settled down and retired for the night. I woke in the middle of the night, wanting my coffee. The other two were both dead to the world. I wanted coffee so bad I could just about taste it. Actually, I could swear that I could smell it.
I stuck my head out of the tent, sniffing. I could most definitely smell fresh coffee. There was a slight breeze blowing past. Looking in the direction the breeze was coming from I could see a light a little way down the track. The ranger's station.
There was a clear sky and a full moon and a bazillion stars shining brightly. Not as bright as a summer day but certainly light enough to see by. I slipped on some moccasin slippers and headed towards the ranger's hut. (I only had my pyjamas on but what the hell? They covered me quite adequately. Probably covered more than my normal clothes.)
Reaching the ranger's hut I knocked and walked right on in. There was one ranger there, sitting back in a comfortable chair, drinking from a mug of coffee.
"You've got coffee," I said in an accusing voice.
"Guilty as charged," he admitted, smiling happily. He could afford to smile. He had coffee.
"Give me some," I demanded.
"Um, please," I added, remembering my manners.
"I'm sure we can arrange something," he said. He pointed at the stove.
"We have a pot of hot coffee right there. Milk in the fridge. Mugs in that cupboard there. Feel free to help yourself. Just remember that there will be a surcharge for this service. If we gave the coffee away to all and sundry we wouldn't have any for ourselves. Are you okay with this?"
"Sure, whatever," I said, already making my happy way towards the coffee.
I made myself a mug of coffee and took that first heavenly sip. Then I looked around for somewhere to sit while I enjoyed the rest of it. There was another chair next to the ranger's and I headed towards it. I didn't reach it though.
"Hold on a moment," the ranger said, catching hold of my arm as I went to pass him. (Not the one holding the coffee, fortunately.) "I'm Paul, by the way and you are?"
"Rebecca, but everyone just calls me Becky."
"So, Becky, just turn that way for a moment," he said, nudging me so I faced away from him. Before I could ask why or ask what was going on he took hold of my pyjama pants and simply pulled them down.
I now found two things wrong with having come visiting in my pyjamas. One, I wasn't wearing any underwear, not normally a problem with pyjamas, and two, they come off awfully easily. Just a simple tug and they were down around my knees. I gave a bit of a start, nearly spilling my precious coffee.
"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded irritably. Fortunately my pyjama top still covered nearly everything.
"I mentioned a surcharge and asked if you were agreeable. You said sure, whatever. This is the whatever," he said, his hand running over my bottom.
"You have got to be kidding," I snapped at him.
"Does this feel like I'm kidding?" he asked with a laugh, his hand slipping between my legs and touching me rather intimately. "Sit down and enjoy your coffee."
With that he simply pulled me towards him and I found myself sitting on his lap, having to take care not to spill my coffee.
