Clara 32

I leaned across the railing, watching the wagons of the circus passing through town. It was all I was going to get to see of it and I was just lucky enough that James has sent me down to the apothecary today of all days.

James wasn't my father and Kristina wasn't my mother. They had adopted me right after he had gone bankrupt and they were forced to move. Kristina was used to a certain way of life, with servants. Now, in the small apartment, they didn't have that life. He adopted me to provide her with a servant.

I was eighteen now, but he had made sure I had no prospects. I'd had no schooling at all, no friends, and boys were not allowed to call on me. It was stay there and keep serving them, or go out on the streets alone.

The end of the parade was coming and an old man tottered behind all of it, turning the wheel on a musical instrument as a monkey gathered coins in it's tiny hat. Another, smaller monkey was on the man's shoulder. A baby?

The man coughed and staggered a little, his head down as he rolled the mechanism. He stopped and looked around and the larger monkey ran to him when the music stopped. The man spied the apothecary behind me and turned off the road to go in.

I slipped in behind him, a little in awe. The large monkey smiled at me and held out her hat and I grinned at her. I didn't have a coin to give her, so I just reached out a finger and shook her tiny hand.

The smaller one, the baby, skittered down the man's arm and onto mine, climbing up to my shoulder as it played with my hair. I giggled as I tried to watch it. It was adorable.

"He likes you," the man wheezed.

Thaddeus came to the counter and smiled at both of us, the old man and me. I liked Thaddeus, he always had a kind smile and his eyes were so wise. He was older than James and the smartest man I had ever met. And the kindest.

"Clara, I have Kristina's order ready, just a moment," he told me with his warm smile.

I nodded, happy to wait and play with the little monkey who was pulling on my lip now.

"You are needing something for your cough?" Thaddeus answered to a question I had missed. "Sir, you need more than that, listen to your cough. It is in your chest. You have pneumonia and if that goes untreated..."

"Nnnn," the man shook his head. "Don't try and gouge me now, boy. I have coin enough for a cough."

"Sir, I will not charge you extra for the medication you need," Thaddeus told him gently. "It will be only a moment while I prepare it."

The old man went into another coughing fit as he turned to look at me on the floor now, playing with the little monkey.

"He really does like you. Old man like me ain't long for this world, even if this potion of his does work," he wheezed, coughing again as if to prove his point.

Theodora came out, Thaddeus's twin sister. "Hello!" she called brightly.

Theodora wasn't a beauty by any means, but I thought she was lovely. Always so sweet and nice, even to me. A no one. The unpaid servant of a washed up and shunned once noble family. They wouldn't be hated as much as they were if they hadn't almost ruined so many others along with them when they went bankrupt.

"Hello Theo!" I smiled happily, laying on the floor so the little guy could play in all of my hair. He made a happy little squee noise.

"Aren't they cute!" Theodora cried, looking over the counter. "I assume Thad is helping you sir?" she asked the old man.

He nodded, holding his chest as if he were trying not to cough.

"And you, Clara? Here for Kristina?"

"Yes, Theo. She is out of her sleep helper and she claims her back is hurtin' awful bad."

"She is pregnant, her back is going to hurt!" Theodora laughed. "I will tell Thad, he will find something to help her. Are you with the circus, sir?" she asked the old man.

He nodded again and looked back down at the monkeys. "You want the little one, girl?" he asked me.

"What?" I asked, shocked. I sat up, pulling the little one out of my hair.

"You want him? I'm good as gone and they won't take care'a him. They'll take Molly there, she ain't no trouble't'all. He takes a bit a work and they won't wanna do it. They'll toss'm out and let'm starve. I think you'd care for him though. Wouldn't ya?"

"Yes! Of course!" I agreed, still in awe. Would James and Kristina let me keep him?

Thaddeus came back out and handed the old man a bottle. "One spoon every two hours for your cough and chest. No more than four spoons in a day. If the circus is still here, come back and I will refill it before you go."

"How much?"

"You already paid me, don't you remember?" Thaddeus smiled.

The old man looked up at Thaddeus like he knew he was lying, but just nodded. "Thank you. And you, girl. You take care'a him. He aint a whole lot different than a babe."

He tottered out, Molly going with him. The little one watched them a moment, then went back to playing with my hair.

"Did he just dump that baby monkey on you?" Thaddeus asked incredulously.

"Dump?" I asked. "No! Look't him! I love him!"

"Clara... do you know what goes into taking care of a monkey?"

"He said it's like a baby," I answered with a shrug.

"A bit... are James and Kristina going to allow it?"

I shrugged again. "I will sneak him into the crawlspace."

"You can't just leave him in the crawlspace all alone!" Theodora cried.

"He won't be alone! I'll be in there with'm! That's where I sleep and where my things are."

"You... sleep in the crawlspace?" Theodora asked.

"Yes? Always have. They knew they wanted a baby of their own, they been trying so long. The extra room has always been for the baby. I'm small, I don't mind. It's enough room for me. And him. What should I name him?"

"Clara," Thaddeus spoke gently, his face looking sad now. "A monkey is a LOT of work..." he trailed off, his eyes looking at me, looking at my face. He let out a sigh.

"She has so little happiness," Theodora whispered.

He gave a small nod. "Step back here, Clara, and I will tell you all I know about primates while I get things ready for Kristina."

I grinned and followed him, listening while he worked. Theodora sat next to me and played with the monkey as well, though he wouldn't leave my arms.

After a moment of Thaddeus being quiet, Theo turned to me. "How old are you now, Clara? You have been coming in for Kristina and James for so long, but it seems you have hardly aged?"

"Eighteen. Nineteen in two months."

"Really?" she cried.

"Why are you still there?" Thaddeus asked.

I shrugged. "Where else would I go? I don't know nothin'' about nothin''. I cain't read or write. James won't let any boys come round askin' after me. Henry DuPont came round last and I was happy when James told him to leave off. He's not very nice."

"Pretty girl like you could have her pick of boys!" Theodora said in shock. "You don't need James' permission, you are a woman now!"

"He don't really let me out much unless I'm runnin' errands for him. This little dropper will really work like a little bottle?"

"Yes, and stick to the foods I listed. He will want more foods, but don't give them to him. He's just past weening. What will you do if they say no?"

I shrugged. "You said I was a woman grown. They want me to stay, I'll say if he has to go, so will I. It's a bluff, but they cain't care too awful much about me just having a little friend like him. He won't bother anything and they'll know I'll be stayin on. Specially with the baby comin."

Thaddeus nodded sadly. "If they give you trouble over it, bring him back here."

"Clara..." Theo began.

"Theo," Thaddeus snapped quickly.

Theo went quiet and I wondered what she had been going to say.

"Here's her medicines. If she needs anything else, come back anytime. When the time comes, come get me no matter the time. Just ring twice in rapid succession and I will know it's important and answer," Thaddeus told me.

"Thanks!" I called happily as I hurried out the door. I looked at the little guy clinging to the front of my dress as I walked home. "You need a name," I told him, petting his head with a single finger as he looked up at me. "How bout... Todd? No. You don't look like a Todd. Billy? No. Felix? Ben? No. Too... peopley. You need a monkey name, but not too silly."

He climbed up my shoulder and ducked under my hair and around the back of my collar to come out the other side.

I giggled again. "Ok, little dodger, I get it. Dodger. You like that? You're my little Dodger?"

I pushed open the door on the first floor of the three story apartment building and went in. I could hear Kristina moaning from the doorway. I hurried in and James looked up and glared at me. "What took you so long?"

"There was a line and he had to mix the new stuff."

"What is that?" Kristaina shrieked, pointing. James noticed the little brown face in my brown hair then and stood up in horrified shock.

"This is Dodger, the baby monkey."

"Get rid of it!" Kristina yelled.

"He's my new friend and he was given to me! I want to keep him. He won't hurt anything, I will keep him out of your way and I'll take care of him."

"NO!" James yelled.

"It aint much to ask for one friend in this world! If... if he ain't welcome then I ain't either!"

"Where would you go?" James sneered.

"I'd take him and join the circus here in town. Teach'm to do tricks and make kids laugh. And you wouldn't have anyone to take care of you, cook for you, clean for you and run all your errands!"

James scowled.

Kristina huffed, but looked thoughtful. "Fine. But you have to keep it out of trouble and no messes! And when the baby comes... if it gets anywhere close to my baby, I will snap it's neck in a rat trap! And I don't want to hear it! If it's noisy, it goes! I hardly sleep as it is!"

I wanted to roll my eyes. All she did was sleep! "I'll keep him out of trouble. Doc Ferris said if you need anything else, he'd see to it quick," I told her, changing the subject. "I'll start dinner!"

I hurried away and Dodger peeked out like he already knew to hide around them. Smart little guy.

As soon as dinner was done, I went down into my crawl space under the apartment. They would stomp if they needed anything. I laid on my pallet and lit the little lamp and fed Dodger and changed him. He nestled into my shoulder and fell asleep wrapped up in my curls. It made my heart swell with love for the little creature.

The days passed slowly. Dodger was always with me, but he mostly hid when we were around James and Kristina. He really was smart, knowing who was good and who wasn't. When I ran other errands for them, he liked to play peek-a-boo with people through my hair, usually delighting people and kids, making them laugh.

When I went back in for more medicine for Kristina. Thaddeus asked to look him over. Dodger went right to him, which made me smile and trust Thaddeus just a little more. Dodger never went to anyone but me.

"He's looking healthy! Looks like you are doing everything just right!" Thad told me happily, handing him back. I grinned, looking down at Dodger, happy he was healthy. "I will have your stuff right out!"

I went up front and sat down, petting the sleepy Dodger as he yawned.

"Did I just hear Clara?" Theo asked from the back.

"Yes."

"She is such a sweet girl. So naive though, and innocent. I hate that they treat her like..."

"Theo!"

"What? No, Thad, you need to just speak up! I don't care if you do think you're an old man and she is too young. She is a woman grown and...!"

"Theo! She is waiting out front for the medication." he snapped, the first time I had heard him angry.

There was silence after that, and after a few minutes, Theo brought the bag out, her cheeks bright pink. I didn't look at her as I took it, then fled back to the house. I set the bag on Kristina's nightstand quietly since she was asleep. James was asleep on the couch, so I grabbed up the list and walked to the store.

I walked with my head down and Dodger seemed to catch my mood, just hugging my shoulder as he draped himself over it.

They felt sorry for me? Was that why they were so nice? I didn't think I was naive... not really. I knew a lot about the world and the way people were. I saw it every day how awful people could be and how it was mean a lot more than it was nice. I felt a little crushed.

"Clara!"

I turned to Henry DuPont as he caught up to me. "What?" I asked sulkily.

"Where you going? Can I walk you?"

"James already told you off, Henry."

"You can make up your own mind, can't you? You aren't his to speak for anymore."

"I need to get this done and get home," I said, picking up my pace.

"Meet me tonight, after they go to sleep."

"No thanks, I'm not interested, Henry."

"Clara, you..."

"I said no! I don't like you, Henry!" I snapped, letting my anger get the better of me.

He scowled, then his eyes went to my shoulder. His hand shot out before I could react and Dodger screamed as Henry snatched him away. "What the hell is this thing!?!"

"Give him back!" I wailed as Dodger struggled and screamed in Henry's grip. "You're hurtin' him, give'm back!"

"I'm not hurting him! This thing is vermin! You'll get fleas from it and worse!"

"Pleeease! He's my friend, give'm back!"

"Your friend? Rodents are NOT friends, Clara."

"You're hurting him, please give'm back, he's afraid!"

"I should kill it for your own good," he snarled, holding Dodger out of my reach as I tried to get to him.

"No! No, please don't hurt him! I love him!"

"Love? Disgusting. How badly do you want him? I will trade him for a kiss."

I let out a sob as I reached for Dodger who was screaming piteously in terror. "Fine! Give him back and I will!"

"No, first. A real kiss, not a little peck."

"Just do it, please!" I begged.

Henry smirked and bent over, yanking me close. He pressed his lips to mine and kissed me, forcing my mouth open and shoving his tongue in. I whimpered, but didn't try to pull away as I stood with my hands clenched. His lips were incredibly soft and the hand that held me close wasn't rough.

He finally pulled back and laughed. "I should keep him. Hold him until you agree to come see me tonight."

"You promised!"

He smirked and started to hand Dodger to me, but Dodger jumped at me halfway there. I only just managed to catch him, but it wouldn't have mattered. He caught me, clinging to me and shaking, crying softly with his little mouth open.

"You're a monster, Henry DuPont!" I cried, cuddling Dodger close and trying to feel if he was hurt.

"He's fine, don't get all worked up. I didn't hurt him at all. I only wanted a kiss, show you how nice a kiss can be. Meet me tonight, Clara."

"No!"

"Don't you want away from The Halifax's?"

"No! Not with you!"

"I don't see you getting any better offers," he sneered. "Meet me tonight, I'll kiss you again and show you how nice it is."

I ran from him, a full sprint to the store, then went to my knees inside and looked down at Dodger. He was still shaking and making a tiny crying noise. "Shhh now, Dodger, I have you, you're safe," I whispered, pulling him close to kiss his little head. He clung to my neck, making himself small as he hunkered down, still trembling.

I hurried in the store, tears falling freely as I snuggled him. I made dinner quickly, then did something I had never done before. I went to James and swallowed hard as he sat down to the table.

"Sir?"

"What?" he demanded.

"Henry DuPont cornered me on the way to the store today. Made me kiss him even after I said no. tried to get me to leave here and marry him since I am a woman now. I said no and to leave off, but he threatened me."

James scowled. "I will see him taken care of, though I don't know if you are worth it. Go on, I will call you if I need anything. Stop interrupting our dinner!"

I hurried down to my crawl space and curled up around Dodger who was finally settling down. I stroked him and whispered to him and held him against me until we both fell asleep.

After that day, I was careful when I walked to the store, watching every way at once for Henry, but he didn't show his face.

I was quiet when I went into the apothecary after that and it was Theo who always came out. I kept my head down and didn't speak.

My third trip there, she spoke to me. "Clara... about what you heard..."

"It's ok. I'm sure you ain't the only folks who're nice to me cause you feel sorry for me. But so you know, I don't feel sorry for me. I have a place to lay my head, food ta eat. They ain't so bad really, as long as I don't make trouble for them. They even made Henry DuPont leave me alone and not force himself on me anymore. Other folks in this world have it much worse."

Theo looked stunned. "Is that really what you took from what you heard? You think we are nice because we feel sorry? No, Clara, no. We don't like your situation, to be sure, but that is not why! We are nice to everyone, but you are a sweet girl. We like you for you."

"I aint so naive as you say either. I know the way of people. People like Henry who're wicked, people like James who are indifferent but not so bad as others and people who have it in'm ta be nice. Most people ain't though. I know that."

Theodora smiled sadly. "So you do. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Clara. Truly. I didn't mean to. I adore you and Thaddeus is fond of you as well. His feelings were very hurt after what I said. He's afraid to come around you now because he thinks you hate him. He was very upset with me. Please, forgive me? And don't think ill of my brother? I truly didn't mean any harm."

I shrugged slightly. "Alright. Kristina's gettin' closer to her day. She says she needs something more ta help her sleep, she's hurtin' awful bad."

"Well, he can't give her anything stronger without hurting the babe. Don't worry, he knows what to do. He is behind though. You can come to the back if you want, or come back in twenty minutes?"

I thought about Henry out there, maybe lurking somewhere. "I can come to the back, I guess," I mumbled with another shrug.

Dodger peeked out as she led me back. He had hardly come out at all since Henry, not even to play peek-a-boo and make kids laugh.

Thaddeus gave me an embarrassed smile, though I didn't know why. He hadn't said anything hurtful really. She had even called him old. Maybe that was why. He was ashamed of being called old in my hearing.

"He's grown a bit, hasn't he?" Thaddeus asked as he spied Dodger peeking out.

Dodger reached for him and Thaddeus grinned and came over, picking him up. "Henry DuPont grabbed him up, scared him. Took'm a while fore he wanted to even look around while we were out," I told him.

"He seems alright now," Thaddeus said lightly as Dodger chattered at him like he was telling him a story.

"He's probably telling you how mean Henry was and how scared he was," I offered as Thaddeus smiled down at him.

"Likely," Thaddeus agreed. "And how well you took care of him after I am thinking too."

"If I was bigger'n stronger, Henry would have a fat lip and Dodger'd never have to be afraid again."

"Dodger is it? Well, that suits you, doesn't it?" he asked Dodger. "I know Henry and all of the DuPonts," Thaddeus said, handing Dodger back to return to work. "Don't see much worth in the lot of them. You come out of it alright?"

"He made me let'm kiss me to get Dodger back. Don't think I ever brushed my teeth so long or so well as I did that day."

Thaddeus smiled, but it was a strained smile. "He do that often? Corner you that way?"

"He hasn't since. I told James and he said he'd take care of it. Ain't seen Henry since."

"Well, you keep a close eye out. He'll just try and be sneakier about it next time and probably a little more rough. He won't like that you told and tried to chase him off."

"Why won't he accept that I don't like him?"