*Trigger warning: one letter takes place in a church. I don't hate God or church. It's a fantasy. Blasphemy ahead.*
Dear Exterminator,
You really saved my family! As a single mother, there is nothing more frightening than a bug infestation. I'm not the sort to play around with this sort of thing, and I'm glad I didn't. I called you immediately when my twenty year old daughter, Cindy, saw a roach on the back patio. You arrived very quickly and immediately began looking around. You turned to my daughter and asked her where her bedroom was. She asked why you needed to know (she's a curious girl), but I immediately took you to her room. You opened her closet and began checking her dresses for bugs. Finding none, you went to her dresser. It didn't take you long to find her underwear drawer. You searched through all of her bras and panties. My daughter objected to you rummaging through her panty drawer, but I told her men don't care about young women's cotton panties. You told us the contents of the drawer were definitely the cause of the infestation and would have to be taken for cleaning. You asked if there was a hamper in the bathroom. I took you there and you started going through it as well. You found more infested underwear. A pair of panties that I hadn't washed yet and would also need to be cleaned. You took a deep sniff of them just to be sure. An expert like you could smell the roach eggs, even though they were invisible to the naked eye.
Cindy didn't like that you were smelling her underwear, but it needed to be done. Afterwards I asked if my underwear was infested. You assured me it wasn't. You didn't even have to look. I have to admit, you're quite good at what you do. You did, however, ask what Cindy was wearing. She raised her eyebrows and told you a robe, some pajama pants, and a t-shirt. You explained that you were talking about her bra and panties, that they would have to be cleaned and they would be back tomorrow. Poor Cindy asked what she was to wear in the meantime. He explained that she should choose one pair of panties and one bra that he would treat specially and she would be able to wear them.
Cindy picked out a 'clean' bra and panties and you went into the bathroom to treat them. When you came out of the bathroom you had treated the panties with some kind of warm white slime, some of which was also in the cups of her little bra. My daughter wrinkled her nose and said how disgusting it was. But better than roaches! So, my daughter went into her room and came back out wearing the bra and panties you treated, and handing her underwear from before to you. I told her I didn't want the chemicals seeping into her shirt and pants and she needed to take them off. She argued with me for a moment but eventually I pulled the t-shirt over her head and pulled her pants to her ankles. The poor girl's privates were caked in that goop. It was also seeping out from the tops of her breasts. I had Cindy give you a kiss to thank you for coming so quickly. I don't know what all that goop was, but since you laundered my daughter's underthings and treated her bra and panties with that slime, we haven't seen a single roach. It did get crusty after a while though. Is it okay to throw them in the wash?
Thanks again,
Cindy's Strict Mother