This story contains themes of non-consent, humiliation and more. If you are offended by such things, please do not continue. This is a story, meant only for enjoyment.
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"Oh my head," I groan loudly as my eyes flutter open from a deep, semi unconscious sleep. My hands move to my head which feels like toxic waste. Why did I drink so much? I'm not 21 anymore going to college parties. I'm 30, an adult, an adult that knows better than to drink...let me see, oh god, I finished 2 bottles of wine yesterday by myself!
Why did I drink so much? You know why Becky. You drank so much because it's Christmas and you are all alone. Well, today is Christmas Eve morning to be exact. I'm in some stupid city for my stupid job, far away from my home, friends and family, about to have Christmas Eve and Christmas day in a stupid house that's leased by my work. That's why I drank so much.
To make me feel worse, I just noticed I fell asleep at my stupid laptop at the kitchen table. I groan at this as my body is extremely stiff from sleeping in such a hard chair. Pain moves over me as I try to stretch out the stiffness. I groan again as I think about what sort of drunk nonsense I probably got up to online. Probably went on reddit to rant and defend why I don't need to be married to be successful in my career. The type where I think I gave good logical arguments but ultimately said "You got married? Well you smell funny anyway."
My eyes catch the screen and I don't believe what I'm seeing. My heart sort of skips a beat in terror as I see I was on reddit alright, but in a subreddit that I rarely go on. It's a Sick Fantasies subreddit, where you post what your fantasy is to see if anyone in the area is into the same thing. Terror rises as I pray I didn't do anything stupid.
My head pounds harder and my hand shakes as I move my mouse to see my history. Oh no. I posted alright. Posted 4 hours ago. Posted a damn novel. Shame of all manners fill me, intensified with the feeling of being severely hung over. I've looked at this subreddit before, but only to look at the sickos. I've never responded or messaged or anything. I didn't even want anyone to think I would do such a thing, even if they only see my screenname.
"You're joking," I groan out loud as I begin to read my very long posting. I did it. I really did it. I posted a home invasion fantasy. Shame builds as I feel so vulnerable. I can't believe I shared that. I really can't. Yeah, I admit, it is a fantasy I've had forever, but not one that could ever be acted out. Too many people go through that daily and it's hell for them. And sometimes they don't get out alive. But I can't deny the way such thoughts make my lower half tingle in the control environment of my mind.
I read and read, hating myself more and more. Goodness...I went into great detail about things I would want him to do. Things that I've felt in my mind but never really put into words before. I never knew just how sick I can be before today. I read the words, rope, handcuffs, spanking, clamps and markers all in a single sentence and I almost stop reading in disgust.
I scroll down as I read, but then see the comments section. Dear me...it's flooded. I scroll and scroll seeing the endless number of comments. Unable to help myself, I delete the posting. I almost decide to delete the account, but I built up a lot of upvotes and would hate to lose that. I make sure I delete the posting and don't even think of checking my messages until I'm good and sober and not hungover.
So I take a shower and get into clean clothes. I cook myself lunch as I didn't wake up till 1 pm. I chug a lot of water as I mope about the house, trying to clear my head. I attempt to watch a few Christmas specials, but my heart really isn't into it. Being alone on Christmas is sort of pathetic. Sure, I could go to a bar or something, but I think that would make me feel even more pathetic. I don't know anyone in this city, except for the vendor I'm here to deal with, and I rather not think about him off of work time.
After a few hours of water and plenty of over the counter medical aids, I feel much better. The headache is gone as is the sleepiness. (Though that could be from the nap I took.) My mood somewhat improves but not by much. Alone, I watch as the sun begins to set and know the best part of Christmas Eve is about to become the worst part for me. And then at 6 pm, I open another bottle of wine.
Unable to sit through a heartwarming Santa movie, I go back to my laptop. I begin checking my messages, all 98 of them. I 'collapse' each one so I don't have to read them, but words pop out at me before I do that make me cringe. Most of them say gross acts they would do to me, then demand my home address. When I say gross, I mean gross. One in particular seems interested in how much gas I can pass daily.
A few messages give me that strange tingle, but it's quickly killed with bad English or punctuation. The idea that these people really would like to do what I posted makes me feel so desirable. To them, I would be just an object to use as forceful or passionate as they want. That, as horrible as it is, does turn me on. To be wanted in that way, not to be treated as glass.
In the end, I collapse every message. Only one stands out from the rest. Most are long paragraphs wanting to know what I look like or where I live. A few have links to pictures of parts I rather not look at. A couple just say 'hello.' But one is different. It reads, 'I'll see you tonight." There's no other message from this person or anything. To make it even stranger, the account is 4 years old, but there isn't a single comment, posting or anything from it.
No problem. Just a weirdo. No one knows where I live. I'm staying here temporarily and I didn't post the address. And I sure didn't message any of the weirdoes that responded to give it to them. No. I'm safe here. Here where no one knows I'm home.
I have another glass of wine and go back to my TV. Feeling a bit light headed, I turn to the Christmas Classics channel and sit on the couch. Well, at least I don't have to dress up. I've been wearing my pj's the entire day. No one is going to see me, so I might as well be comfortable.
I hear a strange heavy 'click' sound but before my brain processes it fully, I feel something hard press against the back of my head as I sit on this couch.