It's a fantasy of mine, ever since I was college student commuting to class by subway in Tokyo, to have said yes to the recruiters who would approach me almost every day at Shibuya Station when I changed trains. They would ask if I would like to be a gravure model, just shots of me in a fake school uniform and maybe a one piece swimsuit if I would like. Nothing else, they assured me, no nudes necessary (although I was already past the minimum age of consent for sex at that time in Japan, so many young women posed nude in Japanese gravure photo magazines or even having sex in glossy porn magazines and JAV (Japanese Adult Video) that it was a booming industry and even respectable university students like me and everyday OL (Office Ladies) could become popular gravure JAV idols...).
What if I said yes and followed them to do a shoot instead of going to my lectures that day? Would I have become a different person? Or maybe I would have discovered and explored the kinky hentai side of my sexuality even earlier in my life...?
So here I am today, now a middle aged adult, dressed in a schoolgirl uniform, a hentai (pervert) photographer taking photos of me, finally, after so many years...
He stands behind me, telling me to lift my skirt. I am wearing respectable panties that cover most of my buttocks, thick white cotton underwear like the kind I used to wear as a teen.
I think of the chikan (perverts) in crowded subway trains that still grope me in the morning and afternoon everyday, on the way to work and on the way home, and how they press their bodies against me and reach beneath my skirt to rub and fondle me. I imagine myself on the train right now in this schoolgirl uniform, and how even as a middle aged woman I still look young enough to pass potentially as a teen--my tiny petite body (152cm and 40kg) still small enough to look much younger than I actually am, the extra taboo excitement that this uncertainty about age would bring as the perverts groped my swollen pussy lips through my cotton underwear, until the fabric was soaked with my leaking juices. I know the feeling already from constant experience every single day riding the crowded train during the overcrowded crush of people during the busy rush hours every morning and night.
I think of that time when I was in college of that one bold molester who went so much farther than even the most persistent of the everyday perverts. They would reach underneath my blouse and squeeze and pinch my nipples and breasts. But him, that middle aged man that day on the long morning express train, he went so much further in what he did. I still shiver with shame and excitement thinking about that morning, the memory of it seared forever in my mind in a way that leaves all of the thousands of daily groping and touching and squeezing fading into background noise.
Even in my daily molestations, I know, I should have been afraid and angry. But instead in my boredom with the daily commute, I often welcomed their touch, looking forward every morning to this ritual of unwanted/wanted touch, even disappointed if no one reached for me on the 45 min train ride each way...
The men would finger me, but most would also rub their erections against my thighs and buttocks. They were always behind me, always out of my sight because of their shyness, their fear of being seen. They wanted to look at me, touch me, but if I turned to see them, they would squirm to stay out of my vision, my only knowledge of them the feel of their fingers on and in me, or the warm throb of their hardened cocks rubbing against me through the fabric of their pants.
Often, when they discovered how wet and swollen I was, they would gasp in surprise. Some men would give up immediately and get off at the next train stop, not wanting to fondle a girl who wanted to be fondled. They were the true perverts, excited by the fear and vulnerability of innocent and unwilling, craving the powerlessness of their victims, the vulnerable woman's inability to resist or gather the courage to yell stop or shout "chikan" and embarrass themselves as well as the pervert.
I was too wet, too horny and slutty for those men....
Those men who ran, they were too scared and weak to know what to do with a little wanton slut like me. I, who had already begun masturbating at home in my bedroom years before, who could coat my hands with my musky pussy juices and soak my sheets with sweat from making myself cum 3, 4, 5, sometimes 10 or more times a day. The weak men did not know what to do with a slut who moved closer rather than away when they reached out, did not know how to handle a woman who would not pull her hand away when they placed my fingers on their erections. I, who would reach one hand to my hardened clitoris, or pinch my excited nipple, even as my other was placed on their hard cocks....
That one man who touched me on that particular morning commute, however:
He was excited that I was excited.
That man gasped when his fingers reached underneath my panties and felt how wet I was, but rather than being scared and withdrawing, he became emboldened and became more aggressive, whispering ๆ่ใฎใใใใin my ear--my "pussy juice was dripping" in Japanese, and implying that I was a "slut" for being so wet and excited, as he roughly began to push one then two then three fingers inside my wet vagina.
I should have been frozen in fear that day, trembling and trapped. Instead, I recoil in shame in the undeniable truth of my recollection of that day--that instead of afraid and resistant, I was swollen and excited, pinned by the crush of bodies in the overcrowded train, kept standing by the pressure of all the people around me when my weak knees collapsed as the pervert fingered my wet welcoming cunt and finger fucked me until I was faint and convulsing.
He was behind me, slightly to my left, his hard cock rubbing rhythmically with the rocking of the train against my left buttock, his right hand reaching from behind, under my skirt, down the back of my underwear, up inside my pussy from behind. I instinctively arched my back and turned my butt upwards so he could reach deeper inside me, could slide his fingers in and out of my tight cunt faster and easier. I moaned in excitement, the sound of my voice lost in the clacking and rumbling of the train on its tracks...