I wasn't sure where I was going. I just ran. Hard and fast. I stopped running when I got to the subway. I sat on the train for hours trying to figure out what to do.
My step dad, who had tried several times to get me since I turned 18, had finally succeeded in raping me tonight. Just 4 hours ago I had been a virgin. Now I was in pain, deflowered, devastated and on the run.
I had a friend who was a runaway and he told me he lived out of a locker at the bus station. I decided to go there.
It took me longer than I thought to find Timmy. I thought living there would be like me living in my house. Turns out its just a place to keep your stuff. Sitting in the cafe together I told Tim my story. I felt hollow. I couldn't even cry.
Tim told me his old man pounded on him regular like all his life. When he was 18 his dad got in the shower with him. It was the last time he ever hit Tim. When Tim left an hour later his dad was still in the shower unconscious and his mom had called the police.
I cried for Tim.
Tim helped me decide to go to New York. He was sure the Osloviks , my old employers, would help me even if they couldn't let me stay there. It was the safest place I could think of. Tim wouldn't let me go alone so I payed our way and we left.
Standing outside the gate of their house I was petrified. Tim kept asking me if I got the address right. I didn't know. The postal address said this was the place but...
A car pulled up beside us and Mr. Oslovik slid his window down. He seemed angry. He wanted to know what we wanted.
I guess it did look kinda bad. Two teens standing around in dark clothes and hoodies. Bags filled with god only knew what as night was creeping in. I pulled my hood off and said 'sorry Mr Olsovik'. He looked shocked and made us get in his car. He kept asking what I was doing there but in a confused way. His anger gone.
He drove us up the long drive to his house. Once inside he made us tell him and his wife what was going on. So I told them who Tim was and how we both came to be runaways. Tim was 19 now so he could do what he wanted. I was technically not minor either but Mr. O said that this crime needed to be reported.
Ready to bolt I jumped up. Mr. O gently grabbed my arm and asked me to sit down. He explained that he needed to figure out what to do but that sending me back was NOT going to be how this all worked out. Tears filled with relief slid down my face.
It was decided that Tim would join the household as an under gardener. He would live in the bunk house with the others and be paid a wage. Tim, who was very wary of adults now, was happy enough. He would stay long enough to make sure I was gonna be ok. I was happy about that.
My next few days were filled with meetings. Two cops came to the house and I had to tell them my story over and over. Then a lawyer came. He explained that he was going to represent me and my interests for court. He asked hundreds of questions, made me tell him two or three times all that had happened and wrote everything down.
Then he came back with a man and a woman. They said the were detectives with 'special victims unit'. They deal with sex crimes and crimes against children. I had to tell them my story too. My lawyer recorded everything and wrote pages of notes.
Then Child Protective Services came. I didn't like the lady. She looked at me like I asked for it or something. My lawyer seemed to notice too cause he made Mrs O come in and sit with me while the guy asked questions. The lady was asked to step into the hall with my lawyer. She never came back.
The man had a really nice lady with him the next time he came. Then the detectives came back with C.P.S. and a cop from home. They asked a lot of questions about my home. They were trying to determine if my sister was safe in the house.
The lady had a letter from my mom. Reading it made me cry. The lady offered to wait for me to write back if I wanted I just nodded.
Eventually my day in court came. It was hard to face my step dad but I did it. He was sentenced to two years in prison for raping me.
Child Protective Services concluded there investigation of my Birth Mothers home as my step dad was in jail. I was satisfied.
Mr O took me to a private College the following week. I had to work hard to catch up but by mid semester I was where I should be.
I made some friends. I didn't have much time to hang out but we enjoyed hanging out at school. A few boys wanted to date but I was not interested in any kind of intimacy!
A lot of guys pursued me hard, trying to get me to go out with them. Some just pressured me for sex. I started to get depressed. I felt like i was invisible. That all anyone saw was my beauty.
The girls started treating me different like i was trying to steal all the male attention for myself. I didn't want it! Any of it! I even had a teacher ask me for a blow job after class one day. I withdrew from everyone. I was too afraid to tell Mr and Mrs O about it. I was afraid they would think I was too much trouble and get rid of me.
Mrs O could see something serious was wrong. I had been so settled and happy with them. The school councilor started calling home and my behavior was thoroughly discussed. Mr O thought I needed to see a therapist so Ms O took me every week to see a lady.
She helped me make sense of a lot of what had happened and how it effected me. I cried because I missed my sister and even though I thought she was ok at home I was hurting for her. I didn't think Dave would bother his own daughter. I was convinced that he saw me sexually because I wasn't really his.
We talked a lot about it and I decided to make matching photo albums for us. Mom could show them to her everyday. I would have C.P.S. give her the photos of me when they went for her visits. They could give her the disposable cameras I bought her then to and give them back at my visit.
I had money to develop them and put her pictures in my album. We also exchanged letters this way too. It helped ease some of my fears.
The therapist also helped me understand what was happening to me now. She helped me talk to the school and the Osloviks about my problems too. Mrs O cried when she found out my fears. She held me and reassured me that I was loved and wanted no matter what. Through our talks with my therapist I decided I wanted to remain single until I met THE GUY.
She recommended not waiting for marriage because I might not like 'the goods' and women can seek their own pleasure now a days but in my heart I had already made my choice.
By the time summer vacation rolled around I still felt pretty stiff around most guys. My naturally reserved nature was morphing into reclusivity.
Besides Tim, Mr O, was the only guy that I ever allowed to touch me. They seemed to have the exact amount of intimacy and impersonal ness that I needed to feel loved and safe. Little Eric and Nina Oslovik didn't count since they were firmly in the 'little people' category.
I spent my summer babysitting Mr. And Mrs O's children. I began to feel a little more relaxed and even a little happy! But, finally summer was ending and I would be leaving for the Harvard residence in a few days.
I was getting a great room and roommate. Carla was 19 and in her second year. Her dad was insanely rich so a roommate was a choice not a necessity. Her room was massive and had a great view from all three sides. She didn't have to work and liked most of the same things as me.
Her dad worked with Mr O a time or two so everyone was happy. I begged Mr and Mrs O to let me keep working for them so I had plenty of pocket cash and they insisted on paying for my schooling, residency, food cards and books so all my money was my own.
For my 19th birthday they bought me a little red bug with a special plate that read 'rbabibug'. I cried all day. My own parents didn't love me with half the love these people gave me everyday!
My first year was pretty crazy! I met an insane number of people daily and so continually felt like I would throw up at any second. I was pursued by guys constantly. A few times it was so bad I wanted to quit. I started seeing my therapist again to deal with my fear and anxiety.
My roommate was great. She did a lot of intervention with guys who hounded the door. Frequent flower and gift deliveries as well as anonymous love mail falling through the mail slot. She thought it was pretty funny and loved that she got first dibs at all the cute guys that came around.
It seemed like forever before the tide turned back to a trickle. Between my job and my homework I was spared a lot of socializing. This is all that kept me from going off the deep end.
My second year was better. By now most people could see I was a nice but shy, reserved person and I was able to make a few close friends. The flood of love sic boys settled again.
My roommate was a real social butterfly but had no problem making our 'home' off limits so I could have the privacy I needed. In return I ran interference for her with her parents and kept her social calendar from the accidental double booking she was famous for. For the first time in my life I could see a good future emerging from the ashes of my childhood.
The inevitable rough patch came near the end of year three. The year had gone well. I had even gone on a double date or two with Carla. The guys were ok and not pushy so I was able to relax around them. Carla always made sure I got home before she did anything else so I would never have to deal with the 'end of the night' issues. I was really starting to relax and come out of my shell. I should have known.
The trouble started when a date with Clara and 'Winston Chandler Everett III' failed to happen. It was my fault. I didn't get a message to Clara from her parents that the hook up was arranged for theThursday coming.
That same night Clara had a hot date with the MVP of the football team. Winston showed up at the dorm but there was no Carla to meet him. To say that he was upset was an understatement. He insisted on checking her room and then on waiting.
He talked the entire night. I was so overwhelmed i didn't hear one in three words he said. More fool me. I was almost a basket case by the time Carla returned.
Now Carla is a pretty amazing person. She is confident, beautiful and assertive. She had Winston turned down and out before even he knew it was happening. So Winston turned all his considerable attention to me.
He came to the door several times a day, called, sent flowers and love letters touting the 'undeniable connection between us' that night. I was scared shitless.
Then he started following me... Everywhere. He waited outside my classes. Stood behind me in the coffee line, food line, bookstore line. He shadowed my every move.
I tried everything I could think of to convince him he meant less than nothing to me but the only voice he heard was his own. He told me I was just confused, that he knew what was best for me and our future. He even tried to have my classes changed for the following semester! After all my major was not in keeping with his ideal!
Finally I was so stressed out Carla spoke to Mr O, whom I was now calling Dad. He spoke to Mr Everett who stammered and carried on for ages but finally agreed to speak to his son.
It took Winston 5 minutes to convince his dad that my dad was just confused and overprotective. That he just didn't think anyone was good enough for his baby girl. And he was right because only he, Winston, WAS good enough and my dad would soon see that too and stop making trouble for us.
