I wasn't sure where I was going. I just ran. Hard and fast. I stopped running when I got to the subway. I sat on the train for hours trying to figure out what to do.
My step dad, who had tried several times to get me since I turned 18, had finally succeeded in raping me tonight. Just 4 hours ago I had been a virgin. Now I was in pain, deflowered, devastated and on the run.
I had a friend who was a runaway and he told me he lived out of a locker at the bus station. I decided to go there.
It took me longer than I thought to find Timmy. I thought living there would be like me living in my house. Turns out its just a place to keep your stuff. Sitting in the cafe together I told Tim my story. I felt hollow. I couldn't even cry.
Tim told me his old man pounded on him regular like all his life. When he was 18 his dad got in the shower with him. It was the last time he ever hit Tim. When Tim left an hour later his dad was still in the shower unconscious and his mom had called the police.
I cried for Tim.
Tim helped me decide to go to New York. He was sure the Osloviks , my old employers, would help me even if they couldn't let me stay there. It was the safest place I could think of. Tim wouldn't let me go alone so I payed our way and we left.
Standing outside the gate of their house I was petrified. Tim kept asking me if I got the address right. I didn't know. The postal address said this was the place but...
A car pulled up beside us and Mr. Oslovik slid his window down. He seemed angry. He wanted to know what we wanted.
I guess it did look kinda bad. Two teens standing around in dark clothes and hoodies. Bags filled with god only knew what as night was creeping in. I pulled my hood off and said 'sorry Mr Olsovik'. He looked shocked and made us get in his car. He kept asking what I was doing there but in a confused way. His anger gone.
He drove us up the long drive to his house. Once inside he made us tell him and his wife what was going on. So I told them who Tim was and how we both came to be runaways. Tim was 19 now so he could do what he wanted. I was technically not minor either but Mr. O said that this crime needed to be reported.
Ready to bolt I jumped up. Mr. O gently grabbed my arm and asked me to sit down. He explained that he needed to figure out what to do but that sending me back was NOT going to be how this all worked out. Tears filled with relief slid down my face.
It was decided that Tim would join the household as an under gardener. He would live in the bunk house with the others and be paid a wage. Tim, who was very wary of adults now, was happy enough. He would stay long enough to make sure I was gonna be ok. I was happy about that.
My next few days were filled with meetings. Two cops came to the house and I had to tell them my story over and over. Then a lawyer came. He explained that he was going to represent me and my interests for court. He asked hundreds of questions, made me tell him two or three times all that had happened and wrote everything down.
Then he came back with a man and a woman. They said the were detectives with 'special victims unit'. They deal with sex crimes and crimes against children. I had to tell them my story too. My lawyer recorded everything and wrote pages of notes.
Then Child Protective Services came. I didn't like the lady. She looked at me like I asked for it or something. My lawyer seemed to notice too cause he made Mrs O come in and sit with me while the guy asked questions. The lady was asked to step into the hall with my lawyer. She never came back.
The man had a really nice lady with him the next time he came. Then the detectives came back with C.P.S. and a cop from home. They asked a lot of questions about my home. They were trying to determine if my sister was safe in the house.
The lady had a letter from my mom. Reading it made me cry. The lady offered to wait for me to write back if I wanted I just nodded.
Eventually my day in court came. It was hard to face my step dad but I did it. He was sentenced to two years in prison for raping me.
Child Protective Services concluded there investigation of my Birth Mothers home as my step dad was in jail. I was satisfied.
Mr O took me to a private College the following week. I had to work hard to catch up but by mid semester I was where I should be.
I made some friends. I didn't have much time to hang out but we enjoyed hanging out at school. A few boys wanted to date but I was not interested in any kind of intimacy!
A lot of guys pursued me hard, trying to get me to go out with them. Some just pressured me for sex. I started to get depressed. I felt like i was invisible. That all anyone saw was my beauty.
The girls started treating me different like i was trying to steal all the male attention for myself. I didn't want it! Any of it! I even had a teacher ask me for a blow job after class one day. I withdrew from everyone. I was too afraid to tell Mr and Mrs O about it. I was afraid they would think I was too much trouble and get rid of me.
Mrs O could see something serious was wrong. I had been so settled and happy with them. The school councilor started calling home and my behavior was thoroughly discussed. Mr O thought I needed to see a therapist so Ms O took me every week to see a lady.
She helped me make sense of a lot of what had happened and how it effected me. I cried because I missed my sister and even though I thought she was ok at home I was hurting for her. I didn't think Dave would bother his own daughter. I was convinced that he saw me sexually because I wasn't really his.
We talked a lot about it and I decided to make matching photo albums for us. Mom could show them to her everyday. I would have C.P.S. give her the photos of me when they went for her visits. They could give her the disposable cameras I bought her then to and give them back at my visit.
I had money to develop them and put her pictures in my album. We also exchanged letters this way too. It helped ease some of my fears.
The therapist also helped me understand what was happening to me now. She helped me talk to the school and the Osloviks about my problems too. Mrs O cried when she found out my fears. She held me and reassured me that I was loved and wanted no matter what. Through our talks with my therapist I decided I wanted to remain single until I met THE GUY.
She recommended not waiting for marriage because I might not like 'the goods' and women can seek their own pleasure now a days but in my heart I had already made my choice.
By the time summer vacation rolled around I still felt pretty stiff around most guys. My naturally reserved nature was morphing into reclusivity.
Besides Tim, Mr O, was the only guy that I ever allowed to touch me. They seemed to have the exact amount of intimacy and impersonal ness that I needed to feel loved and safe. Little Eric and Nina Oslovik didn't count since they were firmly in the 'little people' category.
I spent my summer babysitting Mr. And Mrs O's children. I began to feel a little more relaxed and even a little happy! But, finally summer was ending and I would be leaving for the Harvard residence in a few days.
I was getting a great room and roommate. Carla was 19 and in her second year. Her dad was insanely rich so a roommate was a choice not a necessity. Her room was massive and had a great view from all three sides. She didn't have to work and liked most of the same things as me.
