Chapter 08 Sonia

"Hello?"

I clack my fingernails on the desk anxiously. I turn my hand to get a look at them. They're getting so long. I've never let them grow out like this. It would gross me out when guys--

"

Helloooo?

" I jump to attention.

"Does anyone know if he's still there?"

I quickly click on the microphone icon. "Sorry! I-- uh, I didn't realize I was on mute while I was talking."

"Ah." Olivier gives a chuckle. "I hate when I do that. So are you okay with the deliverables and timeline?"

"Yeah, yep," I reply, "sounds good."

"Alright! We're set then. Well, I can give everyone back your time. Four minutes early! I'll see everyone when I'm back in the office next week!" Olivier says, and then ends the conference call.

I slump back in my chair. I see nine new notifications on the messaging app icon. I don't have it in me to even check what they are.

I sigh and look around the conference room. I plant myself in here most of the days. I can't stand the open office layout. I just don't want to be near anyone. Especially with their curious glances when they think I'm not paying attention. I wish I could be left alone.

As if on cue-- "Hey! Here you are!"

I swivel towards the door. Sonia is poking the top half of her body into the room. "Annie and I are heading out to lunch. Wanna come?"

"Nah, thanks. I'm still making my way through all these emails that piled up while I was out." Which is the truth. I'm actually glad to have an excuse to decline all the lunches, happy hours, and other social gatherings.

Sonia blows a raspberry. "Ugh, lame!" I wave theatrically at her. She ducks back out.

Sonia is the closest thing I have to a genuine friend in the office. We work in different departments, thus never interacted, even though we'd both been at the company for about a year. Until when we each signed up for the office book club, and were the only two to show up at the first meeting. We immediately ditched the book and used up the company allotted tab on drinks at the bar.

Sonia's fun and charismatic. She's not afraid to voice a strong opinion. But she's emboldened by the fact that she is very attractive. She has the Latin gene for beautiful skin and healthy hair. She's a bit short, but has a great rack. She often wears button downs that are a size or two too small, but on purpose. No one complains. Her nose is tiny and perfect. Her jaw, thin but well defined.

She knows full well that guys think she's hot. I've never been attracted to her, but more due to the fact that every other guy is vying for her. The logic doesn't quite make sense to my brain, but I never felt a desire to date or sleep with her. I think she finds that perplexing but reassuring.

She's adventurous, and willing to let me tag along. We end up at secret parties, exclusive gallery openings, and fancy dinners from strangers who we just met. She gets free drinks wherever she goes. She was even gifted a free sandwich at a deli.

She's always inquiring about my dating life. "Sooooo," she started during one of our first lunches together, "any new ladies in the picture?"

I gave her a blank look. "Pretty sure you know the answer."

She leaned forward. Her breasts perched on the table. Even in a sweater they looked fantastic. The sweater was ribbed wool, but I could still make out the rise from her nipples. "C'mon," she insisted, "are you even trying? You can't just rely on having a profile on a dating app. You gotta get out there."

"I'm fine," I reply, shaking my head.

She shrugged. "Maybe we just need to go out on the hunt together. Oooh, I can be your wingman!"

"You'd make a terrible wingman."

She leaned back with a shocked expression on her face. "What?! How do you figure?"

"Anywhere we go, guys just throw themselves at you, and you end up talking to them all night," I said. She grinned meekly (and adorably).

"Plus, you're a hot woman," I added. "No other woman is going to come up to me if you're with me. They either think we're together or you intimidate them."

She narrowed her eyes skeptically. "I think women can tell if a guy sitting with a woman is single."

"Hey there," said a man approaching our table. "Mind if I ask you a question?"

He paid me absolutely no attention while facing Sonia. He had the good looks of a clothing catalog model. But not one of the higher end ones. The ones that employ generically inoffensive looking models. He had light brown hair with flowing curls. His jaw was square, and covered with stubble that was too well manicured. He wore a tight blue polo shirt, jeans, and loafers that were way too shiny.

Sonia looked back and forth between him and I, incredulously. I shrugged and shook my head. "Excuse me," she told him, "you're interrupting a conversation."

"It won't take long!" He flashed a smile at her. I was completely invisible.

She laughed. "Oh well, this had better be good."

I couldn't believe it. She was engaging with him. She just couldn't resist the attention.

"See you back at the office," I said as I slid out of the chair. The guy wasted no time in occupying it. She waved at me briefly before turning back to the guy.

***

I blink back to the present as Sonia reappears at the conference room door. "Hey," her tone softening. She enters and closes the door behind her. "I don't know if anyone's actually had the balls to come out and actually ask... Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm all good." She raises her eyebrows.

"I'm

fine,

" I reassure her. "I just didn't really relish coming back to

this.

" I gesture irritably at my laptop.

"I know," she laughs. "Okay well, let's do lunch soon, 'kay?" I give her a thumbs up. She opens the door and leaves, waving through the glass.

I look again at my laptop. Everything on the screen looks so faded and distant. I just don't care anymore. I used to. I used to be a great, hardworking employee.

At least I was, until everything that happened in Eden.

***

After my sessions with Sreeni, I felt elated. Like I conquered a challenging quest. The next morning, I woke up energized. I greeted others in the cafeteria and they smiled in relief.

"We knew you could do it," Ryan beamed. Mari even high fived me.

During my morning workout, Sreeni appeared for her own exercise session. I stopped my set and went over to her. Her face lit up when she saw me. "Is it okay to hug you?" I asked.

Sreeni nodded and we embraced. "I was a little worried things might be weird between us after everything," I admitted.

She shook her head. "Nothing to be weird about unless we let it."

I sighed in relief. "I just can't believe they had you... do it-- do me, whatever!"

She laughed. "I volunteered. I wanted to help you."

She looked closely at me. "So, do you feel like you know yourself a little better?"

"I feel like I know

you

better," I retorted. She laughed loudly, throwing her head back.

I hugged her again. It's funny. I half expected to be in love with her. Instead, I just had a sense of appreciation and awe for her as a person. She was my guide. My teacher. It didn't feel like a

falling in love

thing. I felt close to her. Bonded even. It felt healthy. It was refreshing to have such a clear cut boundary.

We returned to our workouts, agreeing to see each other at lunch.

But before the next class, Chloe stopped me and told me that Mistress Elizabeth wanted to see me. She guided me up the stairs to Elizabeth's office. Upon entering, I spied Elizabeth on the sofa. And Lily in the opposite chair.

"Come in! Sit!" Elizabeth beckoned me.

"I'm very happy for you," she said as I took the chair next to Lily. "That's one of the biggest hurdles for everyone in training."

I smiled nervously. "Thank you, Mistress."

"Now," her tone shifted more seriously, "we've arrived at the end of your trial period. Your time off at your job is up."

"Oh, I want to stay," I immediately said.

Elizabeth smiled. "That's so great to hear!"

She paused for a moment. "But we're sending you back."

My heart dropped. I stood up. "

What?!

No wait, I thought I was doing well! I thought everyone was pleased with me!" I was speaking rapidly. "I-- I'm--"

Elizabeth patted the air in a

calm down

motion. "Listen to me," she said steadily. "We have to have you go back for the time being. But don't worry, we want you here too."

I was dumbfounded. I looked over at Lily.

"We've done this all out of order," Lily explained. "Most of our Talent have a long candidacy period that allows them to tie up loose ends before coming aboard.

"You were basically thrown into this. And we've decided it's best for you to go back to your old life and wrap up things in a way that won't raise alarm bells. And to allow you a sense of closure." I waited silently for more context.

"We need you to go back to your job. Work for a few weeks, and then quit," Elizabeth added. "That way it won't seem like you fell off the face of the Earth, or were kidnapped or something. We don't want to give cause for people to go searching for you and bring undue attention to everything here."

"You can also take this opportunity to close things off with friends or family," Lily said slowly. "We're not saying you definitely should cut off all ties. But your situation will be difficult for you to explain. And for them to understand. We'll help you develop adequate explanations for your prolonged absence if you wish."

I hadn't put much thought into the remnants of my life. My job was easy enough to quit. My circle of close friends drifted apart due to marriages and kids. Some college friends I still text with only once in a while. But my sister... it's true we didn't keep in regular touch. But for me to vanish forever would be a difficult pill to swallow.

"We could, in time, explain things to your family," Elizabeth offered, as if reading my mind. "You can ease her into your new life. We can help make it work."

***

I had a few more days to finish off the week in Eden. The three of us decided it best not to tell anyone else. To not make it feel like a real goodbye. They'd explain in my absence why I was gone.

It was hard not to feel some sort of rejection, however irrational. I also felt anxiety and fear about returning back to the

real world

. It's funny how quickly I became comfortable to this insulated dorm life.

I was coached on what to say to my boss when the time came to quit. And what to say to my sister in an effort to raise the least amount of questions.

***

Despite my dread, returning back to the office was surprisingly gentle. Everyone seemed genuinely glad to have me back. I never considered myself one of the more integral or popular people at work. More like a face in the crowd. It was kind of sweet actually seeing people's smiles and hearing their

welcome back

remarks.

They were also very deliberate in tiptoeing around the reason for my absence.

What wasn't helping was that my Cocktail and workouts were starting to show some visible results. My face was softening. My hair was growing out and looked unkempt. My lower body had thickened. I couldn't fit in any of my old pants anymore. So I resorted to wearing extremely loose pants, which probably enhanced the image that I was ill.

When Olivier briefed me on project updates, he took the time to stress again that there's no need to give details. But if there were any issues or concerns, the company would do whatever it could to help. I felt gratitude towards him and the company. They're headquartered in Copenhagen and I always felt they practiced more employee-friendly policies than some of the American counterparts. But it also hit me with a pang of guilt. I just hoped that I wasn't screwing him or the agency over when I quit.

Diving back into the actual work was daunting. The amount of emails and things to do really piled up while I was out. They had someone else covering for me to put out any fires, but the assumption was that I would return to resume where things were left off.

Getting my mindset back in place was the biggest challenge. I just couldn't focus. My mind would wander back to what might be happening in Eden. I'd sit in meetings and daydream about Elizabeth or Sreeni. I even fondly thought of Lily's resting bitch face.

By the end of the second week, it was apparent that I was faltering with picking the workload back up. Olivier called me into his office to

check in on me.

"I can only imagine that there are other things in your life that might be taking mental priority," he said gently. If he only knew!

"So maybe what we do is take you off as lead on your projects. We can move you onto other assignments that are more... keeping things afloat." He raised his eyebrows, waiting for my reaction.

"I'm really thankful for how great you've been," I tell him. "I don't want to let you down, and I feel like I have been. And I hate that."

Olivier immediately shook his head. "No no. No apologizing! I know that things happen in life. Your focus can be pulled elsewhere when you least expect it. Work/life balance is important."

So it was agreed that I'd take on less demanding work and after his trip back to the home office, we'd revisit my status. I figured that's when I'd put in my resignation.

It just meant another week of being on the job.

***

Returning back to my apartment life didn't fare much better. As soon as I stepped in, it felt drab and small.

I opened the fridge and found nothing appetizing. I stepped into my closet and was disappointed with every piece of clothing. I scanned my bookshelf, but nothing there sparked my interest.

The first night, I looked at porn. Still amped up from the Sex Therapy sessions, I felt I was due for an unloading. As I clicked through videos on the porn site, everything dulled in comparison to what I had experienced.

I shut my laptop and laid on the couch, resorting to my imagination and memory. I thought about that first night with Lily. I visualized Elizabeth dominating me. I replayed the tantric experience with Sreeni.

I ended up cumming five times that night. By the last orgasm, only clear fluid came out. I'd actually drained my balls of cum. But it still wasn't the same. It was like eating a microwave dinner after sampling a Michelin Star entrée. I wasn't satisfied. I was still hungry.

I noticed that fixings for protein shakes had been added to my fridge. A dumbbell set and stationary bike were placed in my living room. Chloe had packed a set of heels as well. I was expected to keep up my training. I was also given a plastic box that was segmented by days of the week, filled with pills that were my daily Cocktail supplements. Above all, I was to maintain the drug regimen.

I spent time looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't have a full length one in my place so had to make due with the mirror above the bathroom sink. It was difficult to get a clear view of my legs and feet. But I could tell that I had gained some girth in the thighs, and my ass had filled out a bit as well. I had been told that the hormone treatment in the Cocktail would cause my body fat to redistribute. It was encouraging yet odd to see and feel results starting to take shape.

It wasn't just fat being added either. The workouts had caused muscles to pop out and tone up. As a result, the first morning I prepped to go to work, I tried to slide a pair of pants on only to have them get stuck halfway up my thighs. I tossed them aside and tried a pair of jeans with the same issue.

The only thing that was even remotely work appropriate and could fit my new physique was a pair of wide legged trousers that had been for a Halloween costume. I had been a part of a group that all dressed like butlers, and these pants were the cheapest thing I could find. They had fit terribly in the first place. Now, they still weren't very flattering but at least I could get them on.

***

Another ping from my laptop wakes me out of my daydream. I check the time and see it's just about the end of the work day. I scan around to see if anyone is near. After deeming that I'm alone, I reach down and adjust my crotch. All of my underwear have really been scrunching my dick. The fabric feels extremely taut over my bigger ass.

I pull out my tablet and message Chloe:

Ass is too big now. Underwear doesn't fit right anymore. Can you get me new ones please? [blushing and sweating emoji]

She immediately replies:

[laughing emoji] I will get some new pairs to you by tonight.

I send back a thumbs up. I quickly pack up my tablet and laptop, and rush back home.

The instant I get through my front door, I slam it shut and lean up against it. I kick off my shoes and begin undoing the zipper of my pants. I yank off the pants and underwear at the same time, and my dick dangles, happily liberated.

I close my eyes and sigh. I feel a spark of lust and without thinking, grab my dick. I haven't masturbated since that first night back, but I've been at some persistent level of horniness all day and night. I wonder if my ramped up libido is due to all the increased sex. Or maybe it's part of The Cocktail? Sreeni helped prove I can control the desire and the climax. But it didn't stop me from

feeling

that desire.

Here I am, standing just inside my apartment, with only a shirt on, touching myself.

Huh. I open my eyes. Something feels different. I've gotten to know my dick pretty well over my adult life. I know how it feels. And something's off. I give my penis a squeeze.

Still got feeling. My legs shiver. Definitely still got feeling! It hits me--

My dick is bigger! I don't think it's just my imagination. Is it? My grip is surely different. It's thicker! I look down. It's not wildly thicker at a glance, but I can definitely feel a difference.

I think back to The Cocktail explanation. I remember something about testosterone, but so much info was flying at me at the time, it was hard to keep it all straight.

I always resisted trying to determine if I had a good penis size. I didn't want to go down that road. I knew from porn that it wasn't a huge dick. And I was thankful I didn't have a micropenis. I just settled into the fact that I was somewhere in the middle of the bell curve. Plus, none of my partners ever complained--

Suddenly a knock at the door right behind me! I jump away, startled. My brain freezes up. I just stand there without pants on.

Another knock.

"Hello?" A voice that I think I recognize? My brain is moving in molasses right now.

"Hey! I heard you in there!" Oh fuck.

"It's me, Sonia!"

Oh fuck!

"Uh yeah... hang on!" I finally regain some cognitive ability and race to the bedroom closet. I hastily pull on a pair of sweatpants. They used to be loose but now they just about fit.

I dash back to the living room, spot the pair of high heels on the rug, and kick them under the couch. I double check the rest of the apartment and myself, and then unlock the door.

Sonia squints at me, and then steps in without waiting for an invite.

"How'd you get in?" I ask. I definitely didn't hear my door buzzer go off.

"Front door is busted again," she replied, looking around. "I just walked in."

Arg, this building has always been a piece of garbage. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on you."

"I don't need coddling," I insist. She spins around to me, and notices the pants and underwear clumped on the floor next to the door. Her eyes then scan over my sweatpants.

"What is up with you?" she asks in an irritated tone. "You disappear for three weeks and come back with no explanation. Did you, like, run off with a girl? Did you rob a bank? Give me something!"

"I wanted time away. I think I'm afforded that," I reply defensively.

"Everyone thinks you're dying. Do you know that?" she shoots back. She walks past me and paces in the kitchen. "Which I get if you are and don't want to put a spotlight on it...