Thomas was in the den watching a recap of the day's football games. He had the volume nearly off, and was sipping a late-afternoon whiskey and smiling to himself. It had been a good day.
He heard rustling outside the door. Curious, he turned off the TV and the lights. He waited. All was quiet for a few long minutes, then heard the sound of a creaking step. Someone was in the house, and going upstairs! Thomas listened intently. He heard the muffled sound of drawers opening in the guest bedroom above him.
Thomas stood up and tiptoed to the doorway. He crept to other side of the house on the first floor, then climbed the carpeted steps to the master bedroom. Without turning on a light, he felt his way to his bureau and gently opened the top drawer. He reached in and pulled out a pellet gun. It wasn't lethal, but it might just do the job. He kept the safety on, for now, and extended the gun forward as he made his way carefully in the darkness toward the guest room at the other end of the upstairs hallway. When he was just outside the door, he heard more rummaging inside.
Thomas burst through the door and flicked on the light, startling the intruder. He leveled his gun, shouting "Freeze! I've got a gun!"
"Don't shoot! I'm unarmed!" shouted the intruder, backing away. The voice was unmistakably female. She was dressed all in black, in a turtleneck, sweatpants and dark black sneakers. A black wool hat completed the cat burglar costume. She dropped her black satchel, half full of jewelry and other valuables that Thomas's wife kept stored in the guest bedroom.
"Turn around, face the wall, hands on your head!" Thomas shouted. He was emboldened by the shaky tone of fear in the intruder's voice.
She did as he instructed, facing the wall. He reached down and picked up the satchel. Looking inside, he saw her intended haul. "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but you've robbed the wrong house this time. I've caught you red handed, and you're in deep shit now!" Thomas declared, tossing the bag onto the carpet.
"Look, I don't want any trouble," she said. "Let me go and we'll forget I was ever here."
"Oh I don't think so," Thomas said. "I'm calling the police, and you're going to jail, lady."
"No please..." she said, and she started to turn around. Thomas raised the gun and commanded "Stop! Don't turn around! Keep your hands on your head!"
She froze again.
Keeping an eye on her, he walked over to the closet. In it, he kept some hardware supplies including a bag full of zip ties. Those were about to come in handy! He pulled out a dozen foot-long zip ties and walked back over to the intruder.
"All right," he said. "Don't make any sudden moves. Put your hands behind your back. Now!"
He reached up and grabbed her right forearm, and firmly pulled it behind her back. He shoved his gun into his waistband and then clasped a zip tie around her right wrist. Then he did the same with her left arm and wrist. Finally, he connected a third zip tie between the other two, making a serviceable set of handcuffs. Within just a few seconds, she was secured as his prisoner.
Confident that she was now safely constrained, Thomas turned her around. Her eyes were wide and full of fear, and she was biting her lower lip.
He reached up and pulled off the wool hat, releasing her straight blonde shoulder-length hair. It fell in a messy tumble, partially covering her face. Nevertheless, it was clear to Thomas that she was a beauty.
She looked down, avoiding his gaze.
"Well if you aren't the cutest little burglar," Thomas said, smiling. "Cute, but not very stealthy. You made such a ruckus, I don't know how you thought you were going to get away with this."
"I thought you were out of town," she said, glumly, without looking up. "I heard you were going to Disneyworld."
"Well you fucked that up," Thomas said. "My wife went to Disneyworld on a business trip. But as you can see, I didn't go."
