A/N:
Hey you guys
Yes it's Chapter 10 of Calculated Moves...so exciting, I know! I felt like it took forever to get this out, I hope you all like it. Please leave a comment at the end or send me feedback of your thoughts about the new chapter, whenever you have time. If you don't like where the story is going then I'll try to change it, lol I'm just making this up as we go along, but you have to tell me what you think. Thank you so much for reading!
Umm and heads up, I will continue the story in December so I made this chapter really long and also there's not a lot of darkness, lol I was feeling all lovey dovey. There's a lot more sexual scenes than usual, I'm not sure if that a good or bad thing, lol.
PS. I'm so sorry if there are too many errors and mistakes, I'm rubbish at editing. To be honest with you I just read it once then submitted it, time's being a bitch at the moment. I really do need to find an editor so those of you who are interested in editing my work please let me know and we'll chat. Thank you.
One last thing...To J. If you ever read this, I miss you...lol A LOT! You were my inspiration for this chapter and the previous chapter, thank you so much.
Now finally let's get this party started!
Enjoy
*******************
The sound of the door being shut causes me to jerk up a little finally snapping me out of my daze. My knees feel weak so I sit down on the coffee table and try to calm myself, taking deep breaths before I throw up. Once that nauseous feeling passes I realise I need to make a decision,
I hate making decisions
, how am I going to approach this situation?
One week is a really long time to be in the company of someone so twisted I need to figure out how I'm going to survive this week and not lose myself in the process.
Hmm...should I be the meek little submissive who follows his every command...hell no! that's not who I am. Maybe I should be my rebel self...I don't think so, he'll probably break me by the end of the week, Jamie seems to enjoy a challenge. Then should I just embrace it, like he said and enjoy what he does to me because honestly sometimes I do enjoy what he does to me...what the fuck is wrong with you?...no I will not embrace it and give him that satisfaction. What do I do???...I'll just go with the flow, but I will not lose myself...This is going to be interesting.
With my decision sort of made
, if that counts as a decision anyway
, I clean up the broken pieces of glass on the floor then tidy up my loft and take a long thoroughly clean shower, scrubbing myself until my skin is red and washing in between my thighs with the scorching hot water. I rinse my conditioner away then get out off the shower, avoiding all mirrors, I hate myself at the moment, what I've become...
a slut
.
I go in my bedroom, put on a light purple pj top and shorts and turn off the lights. I get in bed and close my eyes...I see his stupid face,
urghhh!
I turn on my side and try to sleep again but I keep thinking about him, his different expressions, his smirk, his smile, his jaw clench, those beautiful eyes, his hands, his body,
FUCK! I can't sleep.
I get my iPod and plug my earphones, the music should distract me,
it's my greatest escape...yeah Sky cos it was so helpful earlier.
I lie back down on my bed with my earphones on and press shuffle, Pharrell Williams'
Come get it bae
plays
...fun, upbeat this could help,
I close my eyes and listen...
I can do anything you like
I can do anything you need
And I got a better body
Than the magazines you read
None of the boys know the first thing
About your fantasy
And if they tried, they can not do it just like me
Yeah right,
I giggle a little,
hmm...Jamie's body...my fantasy, this song is not going to help,
skip. The next song is
Closer
by Kings of Leon...
sickest beat ever...
Stranded in this spooky town
Stop light is swaying and the phone lines are down
Floor is crackling cold
She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run,
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun
My heart.. my soul...he didn't take shit! FUCK! This song isn't going to help me sleep either,
next, it's BeyoncΓ©'s
Haunted, whatdafuk...is this a joke!?!
I yank my headphones out,
stupid shuffle,
and throw my iPod to the foot of my bed...
every damn song reminds me of him, I HATE HIM!!..
there's no way I'm getting any sleep tonight.
...I have an idea, I feel like sketching,
I put on my bedside lamp, bend over and get my sketch pad from under the bed,
maybe if I draw him I'll stop seeing him whenever I close my eyes.
I fetch my pencils from the drawer and lie down on my front, I open to a blank page and let my right hand take over, sketching Jamie and all his different expressions, angry, sad, aroused,
I've never seen him genuinely happy
, his smirk, his hands, his eyes.
I sketch for the next couple hours, my bed and floor covered with sheets of paper, all drawings of Jamie, until I finally feel drained and by then it's 04:47, I rest my head on my arm and fall into a deep sleep.
Where are you now that I need ya?
Where are you now that I need ya?
Where are you now that I need ya?
I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you