We'd had some decent snow during the week and I decided to go skiing on the weekend. I packed my stuff in my car and headed on out, driving carefully because of the snow. I had a bit of a prang anyway. Totally not my fault.
Well, okay, if pushed I'd have to admit to a smidgeon of responsibility. What happened was this - I was coming out of a T intersection wanting to turn into the cross stroke of the T. I was facing a stop sign and I stopped. Then I waited for a gap in the traffic and there weren't any, so I continued waiting.
A gap appeared and, even though it wasn't that large, I figured I could slot into it quite easily. I trod on the accelerator, perhaps a little harder than required, and stayed right where I was, my wheels spinning in the slush. It was obvious to me that I wasn't going to make that gap so I went to take my foot off the accelerator when the wheels gained traction and my car just shot forward.
The problem was that the gap had gone and I was suddenly charging at traffic. (Annoying as there was a much larger gap approaching.) I hastily hit the brakes and turned the wheel, not trying to enter the traffic but to finish up in the safety lane. A fat chance I had of doing that. My stupid car just started drifting sidewards into the traffic.
A few seconds later and I'd have drifted into that approaching gap but the here and now was another car that I was going to broadside unless he got out of my way. The driver pulled over to the far lane, risking oncoming traffic (fortunately there wasn't any) but my car simply followed and bumped him. It was just a little bump and it helped me gain control and, being a good citizen, I pulled over into the emergency lane. The driver of the other car did the same, pulling up slightly ahead of me.
I hopped out of my car and walked around it to inspect the damage. Not too bad, really. Some nasty scratches all along the side but they were only scrapes. No lights broken, the mirror was intact and the doors looked as though they'd still open and close. I assume that the other car was in a similar condition.
Hearing heavy footsteps approach I looked up to see the other driver advancing on me. I say advancing because he looked like an army prepared to tread the foe beneath their feet, and in this case I was the foe. Still, they say the best defence is a good attack.
"This was totally your fault," I told him before he could say a word. "If you'd braked like a sensible person you'd have left room for me to slot into the flow of traffic. As it is, you hit me. Look at what you've done to my poor car."
"My fault!" the man exclaimed, sounding surprised. "I had the right of way and you came charging into the traffic like a bull after a flock of matadors and you say it's my fault?"
"Matadors don't come in flocks," I pointed out. "If you'd been paying attention to the traffic you'd have realised that I was there and been able to avoid me when I had a problem. Totally your fault. I'll accept your apology."
I was sure that turning that colour couldn't have been healthy. He also seemed to have a touch of aphasia as he seemed unable to answer. He took a deep breath and his colour returned to a more healthy appearance and he found his voice.
"Why don't we just exchange our insurance details, quickly," he said. "I fear that if I have to stand here listening to your vapid logic much longer I'll either strangle you or beat you."
"You wouldn't dare touch me," I said with a gasp. "We're in a public place."
Did I mention that he was a very big man? I barely came up to his shoulders. He was also at least twice as wide as me. I had a sudden vision of me lying across his lap, my bottom bare, while those great clubs he called hands bounced off my buttock cheeks as though he was playing the bongo. My face was hot and I just knew I was blushing, and an odd lick of heat flared to life in my groin. I swallowed nervously. He just smiled and it was a very evil smile.
"If I was just beating you up people might stop to help," he admitted. "If I just bent you over and paddled your backside they're probably more likely to stop to laugh. My card."
He produced a card from his wallet and handed it to me. A glance at it gave me his name and occupation.
"My insurance details are on the back," he told me. "I always carry a couple in case I run into an incompetent driver."
"Run into many do you?" I asked. "I guess they can't all dodge something as big as that monstrosity you drive."
I thought about saying something about compensating for something but I didn't quite have the nerve. I produced my insurance details and he whipped out his phone and took a photo of them. Then he took a photo of my license plate.
I watched him drive away. My insurance would cover everything bar the excess but the incident was annoying.
I reached the ski lodge without anything else happening, checked in, dumped my stuff in my room, and then went to get a drink at the café/bar that was part of the lodge. I got my drink and was heading over to a table to drink it when I heard someone call my name. Turning to look I saw a friend of mine, Louise, waving to me. I waved back and changed direction, intending to go and join up with her.
I promptly crashed into what felt like a brick wall, my drink spilling all over it.
"If you don't mind," I said with some irritation. Really, some people are so careless where they walk.
"I do, as a matter of fact," came a very nasty voice, "And before you say it was my fault let me point out that I was standing still when you walked into me."
I looked higher than the chest I was facing and found myself looking at the other driver. Just my luck.
"You deliberately stood where I was walking," I protested. "It's just the mean-spirited thing a driver as poor as you would do."
"Aren't you the lucky one," he said, leaving me confused. He must have seen my confusion because he amplified his meaning. "We're still in public, so you get away with it again."
For god's sake. That image of him paddling my naked tush popped into my mind again and I just knew I was blushing. I was also feeling that lick of heat in my loins reigniting. Without replying I turned back to the bar to replace my drink, hearing him chuckle quietly, the rotten man.
I joined up with Louise and we finished up having dinner together. After dinner I went back to my room to make sure I had everything ready for the next day's skiing. That done I was bored. It was too early to go to bed, there was nothing worth watching on the television, and I didn't bring any books or magazines with me. I decided to go down to the games room and maybe get a game of pool or something.
I went barging out of my room into the corridor and promptly ran straight into someone who was walking past, mainly because I was looking back at the door to make sure it closed properly, which it didn't. I turned to look at the person who'd dared to get in my way and I couldn't believe it.
"What is this?" I demanded. "Have you declared a national knock-Denise-over day? Everywhere I go there you are, bumping into me."
"Shoe's on the other foot," he insisted. "You're the one who's bumping into me. Even when I was standing still you managed to collide with me."
"You had no right to be loitering outside my door," I told him. "This was so much your fault. You've been sent to afflict me with grievous ills."
"That's true, I have," he said with a sigh. "Poor little Denise. And it's even worse this time."
"What do you mean, worse?" I asked suspiciously.
"We're not in public," he replied, reaching past me to push my door further open and then sort of hustling me inside the room, closing the door behind him.
I have to admit I was somewhat startled to suddenly find myself alone with him in my room. Still, I recovered quickly.
"You get out of here," I demanded, "and I mean right now."
"But you're not taking the circumstances into consideration, sweetie," he said, smiling a nasty smile.
"What circumstances?"
"The inconvenient little fact that you've collided with me three times today and been rude about it afterwards. The even more inconvenient fact that I couldn't give you the paddling you were begging for because we were in public. The very pleasing fact that we're not in public and I can go about attending to that paddling."
Just like that he seemed to double in size. My face was red, that blasted flash of heat was back in my groin, and a flock of butterflies had taken up residence in my stomach.
"You can't do that," I protested. "I'll scream."
He had the gall to look amused.
"Listen, sweetie, at this time of the evening most of the rooms will be empty. Apart from that they're soundproofed. It was included with the last renovation, as there'd been complaints about what people heard from other rooms. The soundproof material also acts as an insulator so there's a savings on heating costs which made the whole thing economically viable."
Oh boy. The butterflies were breeding. It must have been the increased heat down below that was encouraging them. I backed away from him, shaking my head.
"You wouldn't dare," I said indignantly.
