I felt so stupid. I was new in town so I really did not have any friends, but that was no excuse. I met them at this little rock bar "Hole in the wall" type of establishment. Being a country rock boy from Iowa does not get you much cred in so-cal. So when I found a group of guys who would let me in I pretty much did whatever they asked of me.
Which brings me to how the story started. Initiation required that I stole a bottle of Jack Daniels from this little "Stab and grab" on the corner. After that I had to get my ink that showed I was part of the group and then I was in. It seemed absolutely retarded to me that stealing a bottle of liquor was my end all be all task of loyalty but who was I to complain. I cannot regret my actions because I didn't know it at the time but the events of that day would change my life.
It was a typical sunny day which was normally a good thing, but I was worried about getting a sunburn. I was definitely pretty pale, and probably looked like an idiot. I was standing out front of the stab and grab with my jeans hugging my hips and showing off my heroin sheik physique when my buddies began to explain.
"It's a test of courage, you are going to get caught. You have no place to hide it, and more over we want you to cause a little trouble. So just go in there get the booze and if anybody tries to stop you, Drop Em! Got it?"
"I think I can handle it." I said rather facetiously, besides, how hard could it be?
I learned that day there are certain five word phrases a man should never speak, as it turns out, "How hard could it be?" just turns out to be one of them.
I walked into the store with my medium length brown hair a bit of a mess, and my black boots giving noise to my heavy stride. Immediately I was noticed by everyone in the store. The fact that I was shirtless made me stand out like a sore thumb. This was no doubt how they intended it, I wondered if I was set up or if this really was a stupid ritual that was really necessary to join. I would probably get out and they would not believe I went through with it, like they were just fucking with me and they would all think I was crazy. Then again, I am okay with crazy, Crazy and I, we go way back. I picked up the bottle and looked around. The old man behind the counter was no concern. He would probably break his hip if he tried to stop me. He could have a shotgun, but then again who would shoot a kid for a twenty-five dollar bottle of booze? That is a bluff I will call. There were no cameras and I thought
"This might actually be easy."
I opened the bottle I had in my hand and took a big drink of it. Jack Daniels was always my favorite whiskey, that smooth sour taste just burns so good the whole way down. Immediately the old man began screaming at me, and of course the mother fucker didn't speak English, not that it mattered, by this time it was too late, I had made up my mind to go through with it. The whiskey fueled my courage and besides, I was going to get my first tattoo for free out of this. Ignoring the old man, I made my way out the door strutting my stuff and my attitude. I couldn't fathom what I was so afraid of there was no way the old man would chase or jump me, I didn't have a care in the world. That was until I heard his dog bark.
"FUCK!"
I can't ever remember running so fast. There is nothing quite like a German Sheppard to put a little spring in your step. Before I knew it I had no idea where I was. I was running, jumping fences, plowing into people in my way and I must have looked like a wild man. Running for my very life as it would seem. Shirtless carrying an open bottle of Jack Daniels. At least the weather was nice, ya know, "for a shirtless run/whiskey bender."
Once I was certain I eluded the dog, I was kind of happy. It was exhilarating, I was pumped. Life was good, I escaped the foul clutches of my certain kibble related demise and had a bottle of whiskey and soon a tattoo to show for it. I started walking back towards the guys, pride glowing from my stride.
That was when I saw the fuzz.
"That old douche called the cops on me?" That's okay the guys have my back. Wait, Are they pointing at me?
"I hate California."
You never know how fast you really are until you are being chased by a second German Sheppard and California's finest. Thankfully this time I knew my plan pretty well. Hop fences until I lose the dog. Simple, until I realized cops could jump fences too.
It must have been somewhere around my fifth backyard, hoping another fence, when everything had changed. In my criminal escapades thus far I had a sense of strength, a form of poise, really flawless bounds, fast landings and quick accelerations, and this is where it stopped. I had discovered this yard contained a pool, and inside this pool was a woman. I wish I could have seen more, but alas. The pool was deepest near the fence. After immediately sinking I swam towards the shallow end wear this woman was residing.
Her toe nails were freshly painted a nice hot pink and pedicured. Her bikini bottom was black. She had the most interesting tattoo on her flat sexy stomach and her tanned legs seemed to go on for days. As I came up for air I felt her hand grab my head and as soon as I caught my breath I was shoved back under. Normally I would have fought back, but something about this just seemed like a good plan, also I kind of enjoyed the view.
I sat underwater and I could hear her talking to someone, but I could not take my eyes off of her. Her hand seemed to pull my hair and my eyes were just locked between her legs. Her bikini bottoms just seemed to cling to the lips of her womanly parts, and while I sat underwater, I could feel my heart racing, and my muscles as if the pumped battery acid. I stared in lust and suddenly, I could feel a stirring in my jeans.
(Fuck, not now. Nothing sucks more than running with a hard on.)
It was hard to focus on anything else. My virgin parts longed to explore her body, to feel her skin and taste her. Yet there was something I was missing. Wait, was she, hiding me?
I pulled my eyes away from her only to look up beneath the surface of the water and could see nothing. Suddenly she yanked me up with a quick tug and now it was her I had to answer to.
"What the fuck are you doing in my yard? and why the fuck were the cops chasing you for?"
I broke free of her grasp rather defensively and looked at her in disbelief. I could feel my familiar rebellious nature welling up with a large amount of teenage angst, until I realized she was not angry, or offensive, more curious.
"I was stealing booze so I could join a gang." I said as I held up my now watered down prize.
Laughter came out of her in a very unbelievable sort of way, and it did not take long before I followed suit. There we were holding a worthless bottle of whiskey in her pool under the strangest of circumstances.
"So I just lied to the cops for you, they will get half way to the beach before they realize they are not on your tail. What are we going to do about this?" She said to me, with a mischievous grin
"I don't know, what do you want from me."