First Time

When the separation between my wife Bonnie and I got worse, we actually sold the house and split up on a more permanent basis. At this point, divorce was already on the table and it was inevitable. When she moved out, she packed a lot of personal items and quickly. She just wanted to get out of there and told me to sell the rest then send a check. As I was cleaning out our stuff, I found a box in the attic containing some of her personal items she didn't take with her. Among them were a few old diaries.

I wasn't sure whether it was appropriate to read them. I mean, I've always been taught to respect people's privacy. However, perhaps I was just bored or perhaps I wanted to see more into her mind, but I started reading them whenever I had free time. She didn't write every day, usually 4-5 days, at most a week. Most of them were typical women stuff about dramas and daily routines. Then I ran into one of her freshmen college entries that was a bit more interesting. Damn, the thought of her when she was young and tender at 18 always gives me a raging hard on.

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Oct 12th

Hey Boo,

Sorry I haven't written in over a week, but something happened that I needed time to process. College life most certainly is liberating, being on my own. New experiences often are refreshing, if not jarring at times when they come too quickly. I had my first date a week ago, well my first college date. I mean, high school dating was just so childish with the pizza and movie, then back by 9 pm or dad will go on a rampage. Dating in college is definitely more exciting, being able to be an adult and make my own decisions, not knowing where it would lead.

I was surprised when Ben asked me out, I mean he is so hot and every girl flirts with him all the time. Sure, I'm quite tempting now dressed stylish for college, as opposed to my pigtail teenage high school look. *giggle* I mean yeah, with my bell bottom jeans that hugs my hips and a twist tied shirt showing off my firm tummy, which guy wouldn't want this? Haha j/k But, I don't know, maybe I have a low self-esteem, didn't think I was ... well you know, his level. Or perhaps it is because I don't flirt with him like other girls, he took it as playing hard to get?

God I loved it, the look on all the girls in that room when he asked me out right in front of them. I was stunned, literally, didn't know how to reply. Feel kinda dumb that I croaked an "ok" like a confused idiot. But that moment, I felt like the queen of the bitches with all those jealous girls. I was also nervous as hell, wow... my first adult date and with a senior no less.

Sadly, the date sucked. I wasn't expecting wine and dine, but still... pizza and a movie? He wasn't really a gentleman or a jerk, it was just so normal. We watched the movie with his arm around me, the only thing I enjoyed from that was again, all the eyes on me from the girls in the room. It made me feel... special... I dare even say sexy.

He must've picked up on my bored attitude. Movie ended about 10 pm and I was sweating over whether I should kiss him at my door once he drops me off when he made the offer to hang out at his apartment. He apologized for the lame date and offered to just chill and have some beer. Since I never had alcohol before or being alone with a boy in private, this was an experience I couldn't pass up. But I'll confess to you Boo, I wanted to make out with him too and maybe just fool around a little. I was tired of growing up so sheltered, just wanted a little more experience.

I don't know why people drink beer. It tastes like shit. However, it does feel good and makes me more relaxed. It was good because I was nervous as hell. This was my first experience being alone with a boy; the anticipation was driving me crazy. We sat on the couch and he started making out with me, groping my tits and rubbing my thighs. I remember thinking to myself, "Omg I'm making out with and being fondled by this hot guy!" Drowsy and tipsy from the beer, I even let him slip his hands into my shirt and played with my breasts. I had no idea how sensitive my nipples were. They had never been touched by a boy before, but now being expertly played with.

I'll admit, I was aroused and wet. But Boo, I swear to you, this was as far as I wanted to go. I didn't want to go any further, it was my first date, our first date. I know I grew up sheltered by a protective father, but still... we should have boundaries, rules. Otherwise, we're just... cheap.

When he became more aggressive, I told him it was enough. I tried to pry him off, but it just made him more aggressive. I won't ever forget that feeling, a mixture of shame and arousal when he lifted up my shirt and exposed my tits. No boy has ever seen them before and I didn't know what to make of the feeling. He complimented I have the nicest pair of girls he had ever seen. When he sucked on them, I found myself wetter and more dazed. When I tried to push him off, he held my wrists down above my head and pressed his body on top of mine. The weight of his body trapping me beneath him made me feel so vulnerable and so aroused. I could hardly contain it as I tried to keep my legs closed, rubbing my thighs together while he feasted on my nipples.

Finally, I managed to push him off with all my might and flipped myself around on the couch with my tits pressed against the cushion. It backfired. He grabbed my jeans and started pulling it off my hips. I quickly reached around to stop him, but he grabbed both my wrists and held them down on my lower back as he peeled my jeans off my ass like a banana peel. I couldn't do anything except moan into the cushion and shamefully humping the couch as he rubbed my wet cunt with his fingers. He kept taunting me and telling me I was loving it and I hated him for it. I hated him because though I kept moaning no, my body was on fire.

When he finally stopped, I was tired from the squirming that I didn't even noticed he pulled my jeans and panties completely off. This would be the first time for everything; first time a boy saw my tits and first time a boy saw my pussy. Then I felt the strangest feeling, a moist soft squishy thing touching my cunt lips. I turned around and saw him with his hands spreading my ass apart and his face buried between my legs. Omg, this must be what ecstasy feels like. When he drove his tongue into me, I couldn't help it but squeezed it hard with my pussy as he thrust it in and out of me. Boo... my body was out of control as I thrashed on that couch to my first orgasm. Then I felt a sense of shame, but it felt so good. No, not the orgasm, the shame... I don't get it.

As I rested, he flipped me back around and climbed on top of me. My goodness, his cock... right in my face. Looking at cocks in porn is one thing, when that huge piece of meat is right in your face, that's something else. He ordered me to open my mouth but I didn't want to. Truth is, I was salivating, but I just didn't want it to go any further. It was already more than what I had expected. He pinched my nose shut and when I opened my mouth for air, he forced his cock right in while I screamed. It tasted disgusting! It was so huge, I had to unlock my jaw. I had never done this before but he didn't care, he held my wrists down above my head again and just literally fucked my mouth until his cock hit the back of my throat. I grimaced with my eyes shut in disgust as he abused my virgin mouth.

He pumped in and out of my mouth for several minutes before sternly ordering me to open my eyes. I was like, seriously? He called me a slut? I'm not a slut! He insulted me and I was angry, yet... it made me wet. I don't know why, I obeyed. I stared at this asshole as he pumped his meat in and out of my mouth, fully knowing he was in control of me. I hated it, I loved it.

Then he got off me and turned me until my head hung over the edge of the couch. He grabbed my neck with both hands and I felt immediately vulnerable and aroused. Slowly he pushed his cock through my unhinged jaw until it went into my throat. Seriously YUCK! It's like... swallowing something and coughing it out again and swallowing it again and coughing it out again. The experience was weird to say the least and honestly I don't find it sexy at all, the coughing and the gagging. However... it made me so wet being so helpless and the fact this asshole just having his way with me. As he pumped my throat, he kept abusing my sensitive nipples and soon my mind went completely blank. I was shamefully throbbing my body to his thrusts.

After several minutes of abusing my throat, he pulled out and sat on the floor next to me. He said he didn't want to blow his load in me b/c he wanted my cunt. With what strength I had to overpower my own lust, I got up and tried to get dressed. I didn't even get close as he immediately grabbed me, shoving two fingers into my mouth and rubbing my clit with his other hand. He whispered to me, "I don't think so, bitch."

You should be proud of me, Boo, because I really put up a fight, against him and against my own body. I pushed him and tried to get his hands off me, but he was just way stronger. He stripped me completely naked as I covered my body in shame. Then he did something I had never even thought of. He bounded my wrists behind my back with his belt and then stuffed my own panties into my mouth. Gross. The taste of my own panties, it was gross.

I don't know why, but I started to cry. I think when that belt secured my wrists, I knew it was game over. He was going to fuck me and there was nothing I could do about it. But truth is I never felt so free. Ironic right? He bounded me but I never felt so free. Free from the dilemma of my body's desire and my sense of moral obligation. Free that I no longer have to put up a fight against myself, I can just take it without feeling guilty of being a whore b/c I was taking it without a choice. And free from all the emotional crap stored up in me from years of disappointment, anxiety, and hurt as I cried.

He pulled me onto my knees on top of the couch, bent over the back of the sofa. Then grabbing my hair into a ponytail, he rubbed the tip of his cock on my wet pussy lips. The sting from the hair pull, I felt the pain down to my hair roots, he had me in his control and I loved it. He kept rubbing his cock on my opening while I cried and begged through my muffled panties for him to stop. But my own body told me "fuck you" as it throbbed to his teasing and juice ran down my inner thigh. He wanted it, my body wanted it.... I lost.

He leaned into my ear and whispered while I mindlessly squirmed under his control, "Ready to take my cock, bitch?"

They say it hurts the 1st time, it does. It was sort of a sharp sore pain, but you don't want it to stop. I cried like a whimpering kitten as he pressed it in then pumped me in long slow strokes. The pain was then masked by the pleasure when he picked up his pace. As he pummeled me mercilessly, he grabbed my hair tightly and rode me like a steed. He was like a matador who had just conquered the beast, I was that beast. I remember tears streaming down my face as my body was set on fire, grunting with each thrust. Soon I realized he was no longer thrusting me, but my body was thrusting him without my knowledge. I couldn't help it, my body was shamelessly devouring his cock while he held on to my hair. Then he pulled the panties out of my mouth and asked me if "bitch likes it hard." Fuck! I couldn't help it, I really couldn't. It was like words just coming out of me without going through my brain. I heard myself talking but I didn't realize I said those words, "Bitch loves it hard, fuck me, fuck me..."

I'm so ashamed, Boo... He wouldn't let up and I found myself saying all these things, "I'm a cock whore... rip me apart...," "Pump your cock deeper into this cunt slut," etc...

He was a sadistic asshole. I hated him, but I loved it. You know what he did next, Boo? I'm so ashamed. He pulled me to the bathroom and bent me over the sink counter. He still wouldn't untie me as he fucked me. He pulled my face up by the hair and ordered me to open my eyes. I saw myself in the mirror, a savage horny bitch being destroyed like a piece of trash. He still wouldn't let up. He ordered me to call my reflection a worthless whore. So I stared at myself in the mirror and words just came out, "Bonnie, you are such a worthless whore."

I lost count how many times I came. Truthfully, I didn't care b/c it wasn't enough. He took me back to the living room and continued beating his cock into my sore pussy, bending me over the arm of the sofa. Finally, as his pace increased, I knew he was going to cum. I wanted him to pump it deep in me, but then I realized I was not on the pill and he fucked me raw without a condom. He pulled me to my knees on the floor and came on my face while grabbing my hair tightly, spraying it down to my tits. When he let go, I fell over and passed out, whimpering to myself.

Boo, it wasn't over. You think it was, but it wasn't. Boo... am I whore? Is this normal? Do all girls go through this? I've always grown up thinking sex is romantic, cuddly, and men treat women like princesses. That's always been the way I imagined how I'd like to be treated. But my world was turned upside down. I loved it when he controlled me, when I was his helpless bitch. I loved it when he called me a whore, a slut, etc... I loved being overpowered, held down... well, being "taken."

When I came to, it was past midnight. My wrists were still bounded behind me. When my eyes cleared, I noticed 2 other men in the room. Immediately, I shriveled in shame and fear. Ben told them he was tired and was going to sleep. I stared at him, waiting for him to untie me. Instead, he said those words and it echoed a delightful terror through my soul, "The bitch is yours."

Fearfulness shocked through my body, with a weird sense of excitement. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh... man... what are they going to do to me?"

I was a virgin before that night. Not just because I hadn't had sex, but I was untouched, hell ... unseen as no boy had ever even seen me naked. Now, I was fucked and wrecked by this asshole Ben and it wasn't enough, I'm about to have my 2nd and 3rd cock ever... and at the same time?

I struggled and tried to evade them as they molested me, touching every part of my body. They forced their tongues into my mouth and fingers into every hole. My body was still sensitive from Ben's fuck, it became aroused almost instantly. I wiggled and kicked as they brought me to my knees. One of the boys had to restrain me and held my head in place. He abused my sore tits as the other boy grabbed my head with both hands and force fucked my face. It didn't taste any better the 2nd time either, but damn it made me horny as hell being abused like this. The boys immediately noticed as I started to throb while being face fucked. The boy holding me then untied my wrists and sneered at me, "I don't think we need this anymore, right bitch?"

When it was his turn, he wanted me on all fours like an animal. I tried to crawl away, savoring what was left of my dignity, but he pulled me back by my ankles. Then like the previous guy, he grabbed my head with both hands and I had my 3rd cock ever in my throat. As he thrust hard and fast into me, I couldn't help but rock back and forth on all fours. I felt a pair of hands on my ass and I knew, this was it... I was about to get my first taste of 2 cocks at the same time. I struggled and tried to evade, but he spanked me hard and immediately my body obeyed like a good girl. I thought Ben was big, this guy stretched my cunt to a new limit as he forcefully penetrated me. It didn't hurt as much as the first time, but it was sore as hell. My body didn't care anymore at this point, I wanted more. They pummeled me back and forth on their cocks like a seesaw. The boy fucking my face ordered me to look at him and without my consent, my body obeyed like a cheap slut.

I was theirs and they knew it. They could do whatever they wanted with me and my body would obey without my consent. I stared into the perverted eyes of the boy fucking my face as he grinned in delight and spat on me. Then he took his cock out and ordered me to thank him, I complied without hesitation. I complied with everything, stuck out my tongue for him as he rubbed his cock head all over it. He told me to suck hard on his knob, I eagerly obeyed. I was theirs, as long as they don't stop the fucking. Use me, abuse me,... fuck me to their pleasure, just don't stop.

Then they brought me over to the coffee table and placed me on my back until my head tilted over the edge with my tits heaved into the air. The 2 boys swapped positions and started fucking me again simultaneously. Omg, the taste of cock with my own juice on it, it... tasted good. This time, they pumped both their meats right into me at the same time... Ug... the feeling, being filled up with so much cock... makes me feel so full, so ... secure. Weird huh? Each time they shoved both their meats in, my back naturally arched and heaved my tits high, taking in every inch of their cocks, as much as I could. I moaned on that cock in my throat as they double stuffed me while obediently playing with my own clit and tits until I came again and again to their sadistic pleasure. They slapped my tits, spat on me, and called me all kinds of filthy names. I was in heaven. Sorry Boo, I'm even touching myself as I write this.

There's not much to say at this point, they fucked me in every position imaginable in that room except they spared my anus. To that I honestly am grateful, I still have something left to experience. Yet disappointed because I honestly don't know if this was normal or will I ever get a chance to experience it again. For all I know, normal really is just lovey dovey romantic crap. You can tell, Boo, I've changed. But still, don't expect me to be going out man hunting all the time or something. I cherish the experience, but I still have to maintain my composure, society demands it.

It's not just the fucking, it's not just the degrading name calling, or the various positions they fucked me leaving my body covered with rug burns. I just wasn't expecting the pure savagery. They choked me, spat on me, spanked me, pulled my hair, gagged me with their fingers, roughed up my nipples, and made me call myself degrading names. And through it all, I had no control, no choice because my body answered for me before I could even think. It was as if I was watching myself from the outside.

When they were done, they came all over my wrecked body and I was literally drenched in cum. It felt ... warm... it felt ... satisfying. But I didn't like what happened next, they shoved their cum covered cocks into my mouth and ordered me to clean up. Just gross... I guess some things do take time to get used to. I've never tasted salty cum before, just not quite ready, it makes me gag. I was so tired, it was close to 3 am at this point. One of them grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet, and then he shoved my naked body out the front door to my knees. The other took my clothes and things and then chucked them out the door at me. They chuckled, "Thanks bitch," and closed the door leaving me alone naked outside drenched in their semen.

Humiliating. Yes. Insulting. Yes. But it was great. It was fucking great.

I put on my clothes over my cum covered body and walked home. My legs were so sore, I had to sit down several times. Leah was asleep when I came back, I showered and went to sleep. For the rest of the week, ... I'm ashamed to say it... I played with myself whenever I think about this. Ben doesn't talk to me at all. He just snubs me as if we're strangers. This is fine by me, not like I am in love with him. I don't care for drama anyways. I see him surrounded by all these girls all the time and I wonder... does he treat them all like me? Or am I special? And I wonder, if those girls enjoy it too? And who will be next?