Bless Me Father for I Have Sinned 03

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Wishing she could marry, have a baby, and still be a nun, Sister Kathryn questioned her faith. She realized that Mother Superior and Father Thomas had tested her faith with sexual temptation. Sexually frustrated, Sister Kathryn wished she could still give hand jobs and blowjobs while still being a Sister of the Holy Order of Virgins.

Continued from Chapter 2:

As if Father Thomas was about to say a silent prayer, he bowed his head before looking up at the statute of Jesus that was positioned on the rectory wall behind her. Then, looking down from the statue, he looked at her with sexually excited eyes. With her trying to understand his motives in wanting to have sex with her, she looked at him with questioning eyes. In the way she took a vow of celibacy, he did too. In the way she was a woman of God, he was a man of God too. Yet, now erasing all of that with just a look, in the way he looked at her with sex, she looked at him with fright.

"Talk about what? I don't even know why I'm here in the rectory alone with you," said Sister Kathryn with a defiant attitude. She folded her arms across her breasts in the way one of the disobedient, young girls does that she teaches in parochial school.

Even though she was shocked, insulted, and angry that her priest touched, felt, and fondled her breasts while fingering her nipples, feeling her ass through her clothes, and trying to French kiss her, unable to stop the rush, she was sexually excited. Other than by her own fingers, it had been a very long time, years, since she was this sexually aroused by a man. Now feeling shame and embarrassment that she'd have such human, sexual feelings, she'd have to say a thousand Hail Mary's and flog herself with her leather rosary beads as soon as she returned to her room. Even more than that and even though none of this was her fault, she'd have to ask for God's forgiveness for sexually desiring a mere, mortal man over him, her husband. How dare she?

Perhaps, something planned between Mother Superior and Father Thomas, being tempted, maybe they were testing her faith to see what she'd do and how far she'd go. Maybe instead of falling to her knees to pray, they suspected that she'd fall to her knees to suck. Maybe this was nothing more than a test of her faith and the reason why Mother Superior sent her to see the priest. Duh, how dumb can she be not to see that this was nothing more than a test of her faith?

'Yes, of course, that's what this is. Especially when she had already rejected Mother Superior's lesbian solicitation, this is a test and the reason why the Holy Mother sent her to a priest, a man for this test of faith,' she thought. 'Of course this is a test, what else could this be? This is a test. This is just a test. No sense getting my panties in a bunch, it's just all a test of me and of my faith. If that's the case and if, indeed, this is just a test, I welcome the opportunity to pass such a test of my faith,' she thought to herself as if talking to herself.

After the recent sexual abuse scandal of Catholic Priests sexually using and abusing young boys, she had confessed to Mother Superior that she was having a difficult time believing. She was conflicted whether she should leave the order for marriage and to start a family. After working with children for so long, she'd love to have a child of her own.

Yet, now that such immediate action was taken on her behalf, she needed to be judicious in what she voiced to her Holy Mother. Obviously, what she deemed as just a hiccup in her faith was a monumental moment to Mother Superior and Father Thomas. Instead of being angry with them, she needed to thank them and be grateful for their immediate help and spiritual support.

'God bless them. God bless the both of them,' she silently thought.

She laughed at her folly in thinking that the Holy Mother and her priest were trying to temp her to break her vow of celibacy. How silly for her to think that? So foolish of her to think that such a holy woman and such a holy man would break their vows of celibacy for mere sex, she needed to be more trusting. She needed to believe that not everyone was out to get her. She needed to know that she was now in a safe place.

'Now that I know what this was, this is just about them wanting to see if I'd stumble in my faith for sex,' she thought. 'If that's the case, bring it on Father. Give me your best shot and I'll show you that, just as I'd never break my vow of celibacy, I'd never lose my faith in God and/or in my religion for sex with you or with anyone else but with Jesus.'

Chapter 3:

Instead of trying to kiss her again, French kiss her while fondling her breasts, fingering her nipples, feeling her ass, and sexually arousing her, Father Thomas changed his tone and softened his approach. He changed his strategy from that of sexual abuse between a priest and a nun for a more romantic seduction between a man and a woman. Obviously suspecting that Sister Kathryn wanted him, regardless of their vows of celibacy, with both of them human and neither one hardly saintly, she was a desirable woman and he was a sexual man after all. With the priest having been down this sexually forbidden path many times before, even though he was ready for sex, obviously she wasn't ready. He had work to do to persuade her to have sex with him.

With her being more of a challenge than a sure thing, he now looked at her differently. In the way he should have looked at her from the beginning, he now looked at her with kind understanding and reverence instead of sexual passion and perverse lust. With this her first time testing the boundaries of her vow of celibacy, even though she was a woman first and a nun second, he needed to take it slow with her. She had left her sexual life behind to live her new chaste life as a nun in a convent. Now, for her to make a sudden change in attitude to embrace her old sexual life again while still a nun was something she never even considered was possible and/or permissible to do.

Obviously, with Sister Kathryn having quite the sordid, sexual past before becoming a nun, been there and done that, she didn't respond well to a man coming on to her too strongly. Judging her by her proclivity of giving unsuspecting men hand jobs and blowjobs, she was a woman who preferred taking control of men when having sex with them. With her having a vast amount of sexual experience, perhaps even more sexual experience than her sexually abusive priest, just as she knew how to handle men, she knew how to handle herself in any given sexual situation. Especially a priest, she didn't like men forcing themselves on her and forcing her to do sexual things that she didn't want to do or wasn't ready to do. Sex needed to be her decision without being pressured, coerced, and/or forced.

'How dare he?'

Instead of trying to fill her with his erect penis, perish the thought, now more solicitous of her, he filled her with his warmth and with his goodness. Instead of seemingly being possessed by the Devil, he was now the priest she thought he was and who he should have been when she first entered the rectory. A good and kind nun, she had an inherent love for people, especially for children. Always having given everyone the benefit of the doubt and a second chance, now she felt guilty for her bad thoughts of Father Thomas and of Mother Superior. How dare she think so poorly of them and of their motives?

Now with her priest acting so solicitous of her, she questioned her judgment, her first impression, and her opinion of him. How could she possibly think so badly of her priest and of her Holy Mother? How dare she? Only, she was shocked when he touched, felt, and fondled her breast. Just for what she was sexually thinking after Father Thomas sexually aroused her by fingering her nipples and feeling her ass, she'd have to say another one thousand Hail Mary's. She'd have to flog her back with her leather rosary beads until she bled in the way that Jesus bled when crucified on the cross.

Before, when she thought she was being sexually abused by her priest of all people, she looked at him as if he had slapped her across her face before stripping her naked. Yet, with him attacking her by immediately touching, feeling, and fondling her breasts while fingering her nipples, what was she supposed to think? How could she not feel that she was being physically attacked, religiously violated, and sexually abused? With him giving her the wrong impression, she looked at him as if he had taken something from her, her innocence, her unfaltering belief in the Catholic religion, and her love for God. Only now that she surmised that this was nothing more than a temptation, a test, and a vile, sexual game and poorly thought out joke played on her, she relaxed enough to continue with their spiritual experiment.

In the way she embraced God with her faith in her religion and with her love for Jesus, fearing no evil, even from her Holy Mother and/or from her priest, she was unafraid. In the way she felt and remained strong in her faith and religion, other than from within herself, there was nothing that anyone could do to her to shake that sacred feeling. Her doubts of her faith, her religion, and her God were from within her struggle to live a chaste life as a nun and as a Sister of the Holy Order of Virgins. Her doubts of her faith, her religion, and her God were from wanting to have a real husband of flesh and blood, instead of only having the essence of God. She wanted more. She wanted to have her own child instead of having to care for other women's children. She wanted to have sex.

Now she berated herself for being so suspicious that the intentions of Mother Superior and her priest in helping her were sexual. How dare she think that? Once she passed her test of faith, she'd apologize to them both. Once she passed her test of faith, she'd never doubt herself again. Just as she still had her faith, albeit a little wavering, she still had God and a flock of her most trusted angels by her side.

Yet, if only nuns cold marry and she could have a child, she'd feel so blessed. If only nuns were allowed to have sex with priests, other nuns, and a select few members of her congregation while still being a nun in good standing, she'd feel so blessed. Moreover, now that she had the ear of God, if only nuns could become not priests but priestesses too instead of just nuns that would be so wonderful.

With the Catholic Church seemingly an all-male religious sect, why couldn't nuns become Bishops, Cardinals, and even aspire to becoming the first female Pope? When nuns do most of the heavy lifting, the cooking, the cleaning, teaching others' children, and caring for the poor, the sick, the needy, and the infirmed, it's time that the Catholic Church gave women more responsible positions within the Church. Sometimes, with her job a seemingly thankless one, she felt more like a housewife, albeit one without a husband and without a family, than she did a nun.

'There before God go I,' she thought while silently praying. 'I bare my soul to you, Lord God, Jesus Christ, my husband. Thank you Jesus for showing me the way. Taking it upon myself to initiate change, I accept my role in trying to change the Catholic Church and make it a better place for women.'

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Besides, nothing new, with her being groped, fondled, and felt, even though she was a virgin, she had been kissed many times before entering the convent and before taking her vows of celibacy, obedience, and poverty. Something that came as a complete surprise to her, as long as she wasn't married or divorced, she didn't need to be a virgin to be a nun but she was a virgin nonetheless. With her never being married, she couldn't be a nun if she was married or had been divorced, unless she had her marriage annulled.

Sometimes with her seemingly holier than thou to those men she dated, she was the cause of many men's sexual frustrations, wet dreams, and their need to masturbate themselves later than night. Yet, with her having done everything short of sexual intercourse before becoming a nun, she had even given her date a blowjob after her senior prom back when she was 18-years-old. God, if she missed one thing about becoming a nun, she missed stroking cock and sucking cock. She missed seeing the looks on men's faces when they ejaculated their cum in her mouth.

Her sexual choice before becoming a nun, her religious loophole, so to speak, hand jobs and blowjobs were her way of saving her virginity, saving herself from living a life of sin, and keeping herself chaste. Even more than that, keeping her from becoming pregnant, hand jobs and blowjobs were her best and safest form of birth control. Saving herself for her special someone, namely her husband, and later specifically Jesus, she wanted to remain a virgin until when she married.

Only thinking that she'd marry a mere, mortal man and have children of her own, just as she never thought she'd become a nun, she never thought she'd marry Jesus. She never thought she'd be one of the numerous wives of Jesus Christ, her Lord, Savior, and Almighty God. Whenever she thinks of the millions of brides Jesus has, she cringes. He'd have to emboss a number on their foreheads to tell them apart. Yet, something she'd never dare say out loud, it bothered her that Jesus could have so many spiritual wives and she could only have one spiritual husband. Her life would be so much better if only she could have a husband in Heaven and a second husband on Earth.

'Amen,' she thought while genuflecting and signing herself in her mind.

Even though she had always been religious, attending Mass every Sunday and receiving Holy Communion every month, she never thought of becoming a nun. With all of the hand jobs and blowjobs she had given men all through her four years of college, her becoming a nun was akin to Mother Theresa becoming a whore. Back then, when she was young, tall, blonde, busty, and beautiful, with big, blue eyes, she never thought of living her life without sex, money, makeup, and new shoes.

Thinking more of living in a big house with a handsome husband, a fancy car, and two children, a boy and a girl, she never thought of living a life of continence, chastity, celibacy, and poverty. She never thought she'd live a consecrated, chaste life. She always had an interest in the history of religion, especially the Catholic religion. Yet, it wasn't until she graduated from college with a degree in theology that she thought of giving herself to God, devoting herself to her religion, and living the rest of her life in a convent.

Still, even now that she's a nun, a Sister of the Holy Order of Virgins, sometimes when alone in her room and feeling horny and/or weak, she imagined giving a man she met at mass a hand job. Unable to suppress the sexual thought, even now, she sometimes enjoyed imagining the look on his face when she felt him through his pants before pulling down his zipper and pulling out his cock to stroke him. While dressed as a nun in her black habit and with her crucifix dangling from her neck, she enjoyed imagining the look on his face when she stroked him before moving to her knees to suck him.

'Oh, my God, if only she could still give hand jobs and blowjobs without breaking her vow of celibacy, she would,' she thought whenever masturbating herself. While fingering her nipples with one hand and fingering her pussy with her other hand, she still thought of stroking cock and sucking cock.

How sexually wicked to suck some man who she didn't even know and didn't even know his name? Combining her love of religion and her love of God with her love of sex, how perversely perverted to stroke and suck some man in church? Sometimes, with a man she noticed from across the aisle, she imagined giving him a hand job and him cumming all over holy hand. Perish the thought, sometimes while touching and masturbating herself for pent up sexual pleasure, she imagined wrapping her sisterly hand around a man's penis. She imagined fondling his cock before stroking his cock. She imagined stroking him harder and faster until he shot his warm, oozy load all over her habit.

'Oh, my God, what a mess. Now look what you've done. I'll have to lick it all up,' she imagined saying to the man while lifting up her habit to lick it and suck it clean of his cum.

Unable to prevent herself from having the salacious, sexual thoughts, she hoped that God would forgive her for her sexually scandalous thoughts. Yet sometimes, falling to her knees to suck instead of to pray, she imagined giving a good looking and/or interesting man she saw on the street oral, sexual pleasure in the way she used to do with so very many men. Sometimes by the grace of her God given talent for sucking cock, she imagined the warm, oozy cum of a movie star, a singer, or a celebrity coating her hand and/or her tongue and throat. Sometimes while she was dressed as a nun, with him on the verge of cumming from her blowjob, when she released him from her mouth, she imagined a man ejaculating cum all over her habit and all over her face. Sometimes, as if there was a man with her in her room, she imagined stroking him before sucking him. Sometimes, as if a man was really there with her in her room, she imagined tasting a man and swallowing his cum while she masturbated herself.

'Oh, my God, my sexual fantasy was so real,' she thought while fingering her nipples and rubbing her clit. 'I'm so horny. I'm so sexually frustrated. It's so hard being a nun and not being about to have sex,' she thought while masturbating herself.

Sometimes when alone in her room and feeling horny and/or weak, she imagined herself on her knees in front of a handsome parishioner and giving him a blowjob instead of a blessing. Instead of being on her knees praying, not too proud and/or embarrassed to admit it, she imagined herself on her knees sucking a man, any man, and every man she wanted to give oral pleasure. In the way that men used to do with her, she imagined a man kissing her, French kissing her while touching, feeling, and fondling her breasts and fingering her nipples through her clothes. Returning the favor of his touch and his feels, in the way that men enjoyed touching and feeling her, she imagined touching and feeling a man's cock through his pants while kissing and kissing him.

Sometimes, when alone in her room and in the way that Father Thomas had just done with her by fingering her nipples and feeling her ass, she imagined a man sexually arousing her enough to weaken her faith. She imagined a man sexually exciting her enough for her to turn her head away enough from God to embrace the Devil and to have sexual intercourse and make love before fucking. Only, just as she'd never turn her back on God, and just as she'd never embrace the Devil, she'd never break her vow of celibacy for any man. With her intent on remaining a virgin, she'd never have sexual intercourse with any mortal man. With her already having had enough sex in her life with so very many different men, she'd never break her vow for sex.

* * * * *

'Oh, dear God help me. Save me from sin. Save me from the Devil. Save me from evil and from temptation. Save me from Father Thomas. Help me to pass Mother Superior's test of my faith by resisting the sexual temptation of Father Thomas. Amen,' she silently prayed.

Now with all of her sexual fantasies of stroking a cock while sucking a cock flooding her mind and wetting her pussy with her womanly vaginal secretions, she blamed her horniness and sexual frustration on Father Thomas. With her unable to dam them back up, he had opened her sexual floodgates. Even though she had many thoughts of having sex with men before, he was the one who had sexually aroused her enough for her to have those thoughts again. It was his fault that she was so horny. It was his fault that she was so sexually frustrated. It was his fault that she was even having more doubts about continuing to remain a nun.