It was just after I turned eighteen that the incident happened. Most of the land around our town is flat farmland and boring. In the town itself there's a very nice park with lots of grass and bushes and even a few trees, both boring and generally full of screaming kids. There is, however, one bright spot. When the town started developing a few hundred acres were put aside as a nature reserve.
The nature reserve is full of nice tall trees with quite a bit of native animal life. There are even some deer there, although they get culled every so often or they'd breed and strip the place. It's not big enough for a large herd. There's a creek that runs through the reserve, with a few deep ponds that contain fish. I suspect that the local council but stock fish every so often to ensure that the ponds do contain fish.
The nature reserve is not off limits but few people bother to go there, especially during the working day. They are, after all, working. I had an afternoon off and was enjoying a solitary walk in the woods. I wasn't bird watching, or trying to spot any wild life, or looking for an elusive fish. I was just strolling down a track, minding my own business, enjoying the peace and quiet.
It slowly registered on me that my peace and quiet was being diminished by the sound of metal on metal. Seeing it was coming from the direction I was travelling I kept going, wondering what was causing it. No machinery was allowed in the reserve. Even clearing away dead trees was done by hand.
I came around a corner into a clearing to behold two idiots banging lumps of metal together. I was, quite naturally, curious.
"What are you two idiots doing?" I asked.
"Oh, hi, Angela," said idiot one. "What does it look like we're doing?"
"It looks as though you're banging metal sticks together," I told him. "I was wondering why and why not use normal wooden sticks."
"Please," he said in a condescending tone. "There's no way that a first class fencing epee can be described as a metal stick. It's more accurately described as a work of art that has a practical purpose. We're practicing our duelling."
"Of course you are," I said, injecting a note of pity into my voice. "Everyone knows that you're likely to be challenged to a duel at any moment."
Idiot two laughed at that.
"You'll have to explain, Brian, or she'll never understand."
Brian just shrugged and sighed.
"You know that Tony and I are in the drama club?"
I graciously nodded acknowledgement of this fact.
"Well, we've got a new play we're rehearsing. I am the hero, the brave and genteel white knight. Tony, the cad, is the evil villainous black knight, doer of nasty deeds and fated to be slain by yours truly in a thrilling duel when I rescue the princess. Seeing neither of us know how to use a sword we've borrowed a couple of epees and are practicing. Care to watch how good we've become?"
"Why not?" I said, having no need to be anywhere with any urgency.
"Right, you foul despoiler of innocence," snapped Brian, "prepare to defend yourself."
"Hold it. Before we fight for the princess she has to be tied up somewhere, otherwise she'll just run away while we fight."
"If you think you're tying me up you've lost your mind," I said sweetly. "I'll just stand still and pretend I'm tied up."
"Now don't spoil the mood," said Tony, patting his pockets. "I don't mean tying your hands together and fastening them overhead so you're helpless." He produced what looked like some thin cord from his pocket. "I have some gardening twine," he said, holding it up. "I'll just tie one loop around your waist and another around a tree. If we're careless enough to simultaneously skewer each other through the heart your hands will be free and you can untie yourself."
"Aren't those things supposed to have a button on them to prevent the skewering of your opponent?" I asked.
Brian lifted his epee so that I could see the flat tip.
"By George, you're right," he said. "In that case you won't have to worry about fighting your way out of a badly tied knot."
"I don't do bad knots," protested Tony.
"Any knot that comes undone when you pull the right end is a bad knot," responded Brian.
"No. It's a trick knot. Different thing entirely. Also beside the point. Come on, be a sport and let us tie the princess in durance vile. You can pretend the tree is a dungeon or a tower, whichever you think most appropriate."
I sighed and threw up my hands and suffered the indignity of being leashed to the tree. At least my hands were free and I could undo the knot or even break the twine. It wasn't that thick.
They started their little duel and even a rank amateur like me could see that Tony was clearly the superior swordsman. He was dancing rings around poor Brian who kept steadily after him. I was willing to lay money down stating that the only reason Brian wasn't a bleeding mess on the ground was because Tony was deliberately not scoring touches, knowing that the play said he was supposed to lose. Brian was going to need a lot more practice. Either that or they switched parts.
It turned out that even having a partner who was determined to lose wasn't enough if your swordsmanship really stunk, and Brian's did. His parries connected because Tony placed his sword in the right position. He was totally blind to openings that Tony left him. I mean, really! Tony had his sword pointing straight up after one clash and all Brian had to do was poke him in the chest. He poked and missed. The bout came to an abrupt end when Tony parried a wild swing and Brian's sword went flying.
"Brian, you stink," I yelled at him. "May I suggest that you get a gun and shoot him a la Indiana Jones instead of using a sword? You're now dead and the fair princess is at the mercy of the infamous black knight who'll probably debauch her."
Brian laughed. "How about it, Tony? Are you going to debauch the fair maiden?"
Tony laughed in his turn. "Why not?" he said. "I have won her fair and square and there's nothing like a little debauchery to amuse oneself."
"Very funny," I said, reaching around to undo the cord. "I'll leave the pair of you to your practice. I suggest that you start teaching Brian how to hold the sword if he wants to make a fight of it."
Tony was walking toward me with a suspiciously innocent look on his face. I was groping at the knot and getting nowhere. I finished up turning around to face the tree and found I was still getting nowhere when I tried to undo the knot. Tony seemed to have melded the cord into an immovable lump.
"Will you undo this, please," I asked sweetly when I saw he was next to me. "I can't seem to do it."
"That's OK. I can cut it," he said, spoiling that by adding, "After."
It was a pleasant summer day and all I was doing was taking a relaxing walk in the woods. I wasn't going exploring, forcing my way through bushes, climbing trees, or even going fishing. I was just strolling along quite well defined trails. In accordance with this I was dressed for it. This meant a skirt and a t-shirt as far as I was concerned. I'd considered wearing jeans but decided it wasn't worth the trouble of putting them on. It turns out I should have.
Tony very calmly undid the button on my skirt and pulled the zip down. By the time I got my hands there to fasten it again Tony had tugged and my skirt went slithering down my legs and pooled around my ankles. I was then in the peculiar situation of being pleased that I was wearing nice lacy undies and furious that Tony could see them. Oh, yeah, and Brian.
I managed to turn in that stupid loop around my waist to face Tony. I was just in time to see the smile on his face before he had my t-shirt in front of mine, tugging it upwards.
"Lift your arms," he told me and I flatly refused.
"You have got to be kidding. Let go of me and get that stupid string off me."
"Either you lift your arms or Brian gives me a hand and lifts them," came the calm reply, "but they will be lifted so that I can take your t-shirt off. Now, the easy way or the hard way?"
"No way," I yelled, and felt hand on my elbows lifting them up.
"Let go of me, you fucking moron," I squalled at Brian but it was too late. My t-shirt was up and being pulled over my head.
Tony took a step back and he and Brian just looked me over, seeming to nod in approval of what they could see.
"Not bad," said Tony. "Not bad at all."
"Even better when those little scraps of nothing come off," was Brian's comment, and I had to admit that the skimpy undies I was wearing fit that description.
"You dare to touch me and I'll unman you," I snapped, and both boys laughed.
"Angela, sweetie, seeing you like that does the opposite of unmanning us, I assure you," Tony said, a big smile on his face. "Brian, I'll let you take off her panties. I'll attend to the bra."
