"Get the fuck out of my room, Andy."
"Come on bro, we just wanna favor; just help us out with one thing and we're out of your hair." I'd been sleeping off a wicked drunk when Andy and his friend Rob invaded my room. I was laying flat on my back when these two idiots had the nerve to pull away the pillow covering my face.
"You're going to get out of my face when I put my foot up your ass." The sunlight from my window.
"Come on brother, I'll owe you one, man."
"You owe me too many, Andy! You clean the fucking house up?" Andy and Rob fancied themselves musicians, going by the colorful moniker "Hell's Dildos" although I had yet to see any of their supposed performances. Death Metal was really my cup of tea after visiting a few dive bars and some alley venue shows. Part of me suspected I'd been invited along was because I was "The Black Guy" and a veritable raisin in the sun at some of these events. I'd been purchasing some beers when a racially disenchanted long hair asked whether I was the guy's bodyguard. Minor as it was, a revelation is a revelation which is what informed my excursions going forward.
"Man, don't worry about it; we got that shit covered." Rob chimed in earning a face full of Cheetos from a bowl at my bedside. The "twins" as the boys were known, had thrown a little get together which ballooned into a full blown kegger before I'd passed out in my bed.
"So that means you didn't do a damn thing, right?"
"Dude, call a service; get with the times! Who cleans their own pace anymore when there's perfectly good indigent labor waiting for the opportunity?"
"Fuck you supposed to be; the Shah of Atwater Village or something?"
"More like the Khan, actually." Andy got a face full of Cheetos for his hubris. Both of his parents were doctors who could've cared less about his musical aspirations. Basically, he was afforded a stipend not to come home and this included holidays, too. He was third generation Korean, more American than anything.
"Get out of my room, bitches."
"So that's a yes, then?" Andy had a telemarketer's resilience when it came to getting his own way.
"NO!"
"Look man, all you gotta do is tell her that I had another engagement and want to reschedule."
"What?"
"Jong Park."
"Who?"
"Jong Park, Andy's bitchy new bride to be; kind of like this arranged marriage shit set up by his mom." Rob explained everything with a stoner's grace earning a slap to the back of the neck from his best friend.
"Shut the fuck up dude; you're telling my business!"
"You have an Arranged Marriage?"
"NO, WE DON'T DO THAT SHIT!! Look bro, moms on this kick about how I need a good woman to straighten me out and some shit, you know? Jong Park is this chick I used to know back when we were kids and mom has put this crap in her head about how I'm waiting for my true love, which is her because...fucking reasons, right?"
"That bitch fuggly too!!" Rob added for good measure earning more debris tossed in his direction.
"Man, why don't you just talk to the girl?"
"FUCK THAT SHIT; SHE'LL TELL MY MOM!!" Andy's mother was known as a "Tiger Mom" and from all accounts she was vicious when provoked. He'd talked me into moving in with him just to get away from her.
"You're a real grownup, you know that?" Flustered, Andy pushed too fifties into my hand.
"THERE, YOU PAID BRO; JUST TELL HER TO PUSH ROCKS, OKAY?!!"
"It's your money, fool." Both rail thin guys quickly bolted from the small bungalow we shared.
Five minutes later I was passed out dead to the world when I was roused from my sleep by loud repetitive knocking. I rolled over in the bed curling into a fetal position as it continued seemingly never ending until I jumped out of bed in a blind rage in just my basket ball shorts. My suspicions were confirmed when I opened the door finding the living room trashed with debris, half eaten food and a veritable sea of beer cans. The knock continued unabated even as I worked my way to the front door staring through the peep hole.
The top of Jong Park's head was plainly visible as the knocking continued. Her light brown hair appeared to be done up in some kind of bun while the rest of her body was obscured by my height and her position wedged up against the door.
"Jong Park?" I called out.
"Yes, I'm Jong Park; I'm her to see Andy. You open the door." It almost sounded like an order, but I figured English was probably her second language.
"He's not here; he had uhm, another engagement."
"What?"
"Andy wants to reschedule."
"I'm Jong Park."
"Yeah, okay."
"I'm Jong Park, open the door." She was definitely issuing an order. I had a pet peeve when it came to someone taking to me like a subordinate.
"Andy's not here; have a nice day Jong Park, buh, bye." I walked away from the door with the intent of catching up on some sleep when I heard a set of keys rattling. I looked over my shoulder just as the door opened revealing the indomitable, Jong Park.
The first thing my eyes caught was the round oval shaped face adorned with passive, crescent shaped eyes, button nose and thin lips devoid of makeup. Her brown hair was done up in a bun with bangs and slivers of hair framing her face. Her build reminded me of a pear shape with clothing that did her no favors, consisting of a white long-sleeved sweater over a collared blouse and shapeless, ankle length, jean skirt. Simple canvas sneakers covered her feet. Her figure reminded me of a weeble wobble making me see why Andy had been keen to escape Jong Park.
"HEY LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I tried to look ethnically menacing but Jong Park stood her ground.
"Andy's mother give me the keys to his house; told me to make home and wait if he was not here. I wait now." My roommate's mother was indeed a tiger mom with her own agenda.
"Look, I live here too and isn't rude to just let yourself into someone's house without permission?"
"No."
"Come on lady, don't you think it would be better if you came back later?"
"No." I chuckled to hide my annoyance at her temperament.
"Look uh, Jong Park; the place is trashed so why don't you, just come back later? I'm really trying to be nice here and Andy's not coming back for a while." Jong Park didn't respond, ignored my overtures tossing the olive branch back in my face. She unslung her purse and began picking up the living room. I towered over the short, chubby looking woman and could've easily tossed her out on the stoop, but I knew that could have potential legal consequences.
"Whatever." I stormed back to my room, fishing out my phone to call Andy but he wasn't picking up. I shot a few text messages his way that also went unanswered. He was deliberately ignoring me, so I figured I'd done everything I could to contact him before hitting the sack again.
-DARKNESS-
"Wake up."
"Huh?"
"You wake up." Something was poking me in the side and I awoke to find that it was a broom handle. Jong Park was standing three feet away from my bed nudging the broom into my abdomen.
"HEY, ANDY AIN'T UP IN HERE, LADY!"
"My name is Jong Park, I know Andy is not here. I want talk to you."
"WHAT?!!"
Jong Park tossed a photo on my chest before sitting in a chair in my doorway. I recognized the chair from the kitchen realizing that she'd planned out waking me up. A glance at the picture explained everything as it revealed Andy and bandmate Rob with two skanky looking blonde groupies.
"Andy like white girl?"
"Look this was taken a long time ago, maybe you should talk to Andy about that, Jong Park."
"Andy like white girl; you tell me."
"Look, I really don't think that's my call to make." Her brow furrowed as she mulled my words sitting there with the broom slung across her lap. She had cleaned my room while I slept.
"He like white girl because they nasty. He like skank with skinny body and ugly, flat ass with big hole in middle." Her monotone sounded angry even in its robotic state. Her round face conveyed the slightest emotion bringing my inner white knight to the fore.
"Hey, I'm sorry about things; it's just a picture with two fans Jong Park; maybe you've got it all wrong."
"Andy fuck white girls; you tell me?"
"I don't put other people's business out on the streets like that, Jong Park." She stared blankly in my direction without movement, appearing almost frozen in place.
"Jong Park?"