Oral sex is fine, Chris thinks, as long as he is the one getting. He definitely does not believe that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
He's always been that way, even before we were married-even when we were having raucous, no-holds-barred sex (well, obviously, almost no holds barred sex). Chris has always been up (so to speak) for any kind of sex, straight or kinky, except licking my clitoris. In fairness to him, he did sort of try it once or twice, half-heartedly and only for a few seconds. Then he dismissed it as "not his thing". (It wasn't his thing I was worried about; it was my thing.)
As our lives together progressed-he, finishing an MBA and I, a pharmacy degree-we had a pretty good life together. Even the sex was pretty good most of the time-except for that one little thing that was being neglected. But that one little thing (the issue, not my clitoris) got bigger and bigger. Things came to a head (again, I guess I should say, "so to speak") when I began refusing to suck his cock. I thought what was sauce for the goose was sauce for the gander. Chris didn't see it that way.
For the first time in our relationship, he forced himself on me. He tried to act like it was a playful forcing, but I wouldn't go along with it. When we were lying in bed one night, he began hinting that I give should give him a blowjob. I ignored the hints-pretending not to get them. When he was explicit, I mocked him by saying that oral sex "wasn't my thing." I guess he didn't like the mocking-or maybe he was just hell-bent on getting his cock sucked. He pushed me down by the shoulders and, the more I resisted, the harder he pushed-and the more serious the whole situation became.
Chris is a lot bigger than I am. At 180 pounds, he has a good 75 pounds on me and none of it is fat. When he put his hands on the sides of my head, I couldn't control my head at all. He forced me down to his crotch and pressed my face against his cock. Still, he couldn't make me open my mouth. And I resolutely kept my jaw locked.
He started demanding that I open my mouth and suck him. When I didn't respond, he began twisting my ears and digging his fingers into the sides of my head. I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn't want to do this and that if he forced me to do it, he would be sorry. I told him I wasn't kidding. He said he didn't care and he doubted that he would be sorry. He was pretty sure that it would feel great.
When the pain on my ears and head were too much to bear, finally, with tears running down my cheeks, I opened and let him enter my mouth. Never had I given him a more indifferent blowjob. In fact, all I did was let him use my mouth. He didn't care-the pig. He fucked my mouth for several minutes, progressing slowly, but inevitably, toward an orgasm. All the while, I was finding refuge in the certainty that somehow I would make him pay for this. Finally, he exploded in my mouth, filling me with his cum.
His hands dropped to his side as he entered his post-orgasmic stupor. For the first time, I didn't even try to swallow his cum. I opened my mouth and let it run out over his cock-spitting out the last of it. He was too expended to stop me or even to complain. I rushed to the bathroom and gargled with mouthwash far longer than necessary to clean my mouth. But that wasn't the point, really. The point was to show him how much I detested what he had done.
As with many abusers, he was deeply, profusely apologetic later. He swore that nothing like that would ever happen again-that he would never force me to do anything that I didn't want to do and that if I didn't want to have oral sex with him, that's just the way it would be. But I'm not a particularly forgiving person. Anyway, I knew that the cycle of abuse, apology and further abuse was the most likely course unless I took control of the situation. Chris was certainly right about one thing, though: nothing like what had happened that night would ever happen again-to me.
I'm a planner and, so, I set about to formulate my plan-not just for revenge, but for control. I already knew what my goals were, so the first practical step was analyzing my strengths in this situation to determine how I could achieve those goals. Chris is much bigger and stronger than I am, so physical power wouldn't help me at all. He's also plenty bright enough that I couldn't control him simply by outstripping him in the smarts department. I resolved to bring my professional expertise to bear on the problem and to use a little psychological judo.
Judo, of course, is a technique in which you use your opponent's strength against him: he lunges at you and, with minimal effort, you re-direct his force at himself. Chris was dominating both physically and sexually, and he was quite proud of this. But his pride would be his undoing-with a little help from modern pharmacology.
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It's not hard to find drugs that interfere with a man's ability to get an erection. This is a side effect-typically considered to be an unfortunate one-of several common drugs. The trick is to find a drug that will produce erectile dysfunction without producing other effects that, for my purposes, would be side effects-chief among these would be any loss of sexual appetite. I didn't want Chris impotent and sexually indifferent-what I wanted was him seething with desire but completely unable to perform. Another requirement made my homework assignment tricky. Ideally, I wanted something that could be counteracted quickly and very temporarily.
So, I had to do my research carefully. But I'm a good student and it didn't take me very long to find something you can think of as anti-Viagra. Viagra works by relaxing a certain type of blood vessel so that the penis can engorge more quickly. My discovery was that there was a class of drugs, available to a pharmacist, that were known to constrict exactly these vessels. I picked the most benign form of anti-Viagra and figured out a dose that should be effective on someone Chris's size, but shouldn't produce many noticeable side effects.
I decided to keep Chris on a sufficient dose of anti-Viagra so that he was completely unable to get an erection at any time of the day. This required giving him the anti-Viagra two to three times a day. Here, again, I would engage in some psychological judo-using his own psychology against him. For years, Chris-vane man that he is-had been taking a special mixture of vitamins and minerals that I mixed up for him and put in capsules. He thought it would keep him young and, no doubt, potent. Alas, for the poor dear, these pills would soon have just the opposite effect on his potency.
So, less than a week after he raped my mouth, I had the poor dear on an impotency cocktail that meant that his cock wouldn't be getting any tail unless I said so. And, I could say so very selectively. Viagra can be combined with a carrier that is absorbed directly into the skin, which results in very fast, temporary reversal of the chemically induced impotence. Chris was my puppet; I controlled him, not with strings, but with I controlled him nonetheless for that.
Once, several years ago, when Chris was really drunk, he tried to perform and fizzled. It rattled him until he had rebuilt a solid track record. This time, though, there would be no excuses for him, and there was to be no reestablishing of a track record.
