Adam of course came far too late to save Regina, and most of his home was in shambles as well. The sturdy stone walls held against the fire well enough, bearing black scorch marks and soot to tell the tale, but all the fine tapestries, the rugs, and the windows were ruined. Parts of the castle were spared, notably the greenhouse. With its glass walls, I would have thought it would be one of the very first to go, but the fire veered off in the opposite direction; whether it was the doing of the mad Mrs. Delvers or mere happenstance I did not know. The fire burnt itself out when it ran out of fuel.
I shall never forget the horror on Adam's face at seeing his ancestral home in flames. He'd come galloping up on Blitz, a man on horse - who I presumed was the doctor- close behind. Disbelief mingled with confusion as he sprang from Blitz and bounded to the doors of the Great Hall, only to turn back coughing as the smoke came spewing out. He ran around to a side door with the same result, the doctor and myself waiting at the front. He came charging back around to me and demanded to know what had happened.
"It was Mrs. Delvers," I said, my heart aching for his loss. "She was like a woman possessed! When she discovered Regina's body she went mad. She kept sobbing and she took up some wood from the fire and..." I gestured at the flames behind me. "I tried to get Regina out, please believe that. I tried to pull her to safety, away from the flames in case there was a chance the doctor could help. In case she wasn't - beyond help. But Mrs. Delvers, she came at me with her fire, she wouldn't let me near her! I tried, Adam, I tried so hard to help her." Tears sprang to my eyes and I immediately felt selfish, crying right then when Adam was the one who'd lost everything. He pulled me to him, in a rare tender gesture for him, kissing my forehead and patting my back. He barely looked at me though, his eyes were not to be torn from the fire.
The Great Hall was burning less fiercely now. Presumably the fire had consumed everything in that room already and was now beginning to die out. I thought with horror and revulsion of the corpses I knew must be inside. It didn't seem fair to Regina's unborn child to be denied the chance at life so abruptly. I wondered if Mrs. Delvers knew about the pregnancy. Surely she would have waited for the doctor, restrained her madness to give a child of Regina's a chance if she'd known? She'd seemed positive Regina was dead, but why would Adam have gone for the doctor if that was true? He must have seen some sign to indicate to him that she lived, for him to fly out in such haste. If I had told Mrs. Delvers that Regina was expecting, would it have made a difference? She seemed to have loved the lady more than herself even. Either way there was nothing I could do now, and knowing about the pregnancy or not, I could not hold myself responsible for the actions of Mrs. Delvers.
Adam continued to hold me as the flames burned, and I was grateful for the comfort he provided. I was sure later he would want a more detailed explanation of Mrs. Delvers' fire-setting, and I hoped that when the time came he would understand how hard I had tried to save Regina. If he could have seen the crazed look in Mrs. Delvers' eyes, he would have understood. No ordinary woman could have withstood the crazed strength she exerted in her madness. I could easily have lost my own life if I'd stayed any longer.
Adam left me then to go explore the perimeter of the castle and the damage done. The doctor retired to the stables where the other servants were huddled, alive but shaken. The smoke was coming out in white puffs rather than great black billows, a clear sign it was burning out. Adam wanted me to stay put, but I was curious about the damage myself and reluctant to leave him alone. Once he was out of sight, I followed him. I trailed far behind him, wanting to offer him comfort but at a loss as to what I could say. As I rounded a corner I saw the greenhouse, still intact, its roses as fresh and alive as ever. Adam was in front of it, staring at it. I knew now that the greenhouse represented Regina to him, and his mistake in falling for her and wedding her. It must seem very cruel to him that the greenhouse of all things should make it through the fire unscathed.
He screamed aloud, rushing at the greenhouse and hammering his fists against it. His wordless yell continued as he beat against the window until the panel shattered. I saw blood stream down his arm and my first instinct was to run to him and bind his wound. Something stopped me. I am not sure if it was the anger on his face or the violence in his actions as he hurled himself at the next panel of glass, but whatever it was made me slink under the cover of a nearby fir tree, where I wouldn't be seen. He yelled again, his pain raw and tangible in his scream. I knew the pain was not the cut on his arm, he probably hadn't even noticed that. The pain was for the loss of his home, for the gall of Mrs. Delvers and the sad conclusion that in some small measure Regina had won. His rage continued, and I kept still and hidden. He was a frightening creature sometimes, my lord. I did not think he would ever do me real harm, but our past encounters when he was angered had given me a taste of what I might expect, and I did not wish to part with my virginity on top of broken glass, outside in the sooty air.
Eventually he appeared to tire himself out, and slumped down against the wall. Should I go to him now? I decided it was better to wait. He might be ashamed at having me see him so. If his hatred of Regina was the basis of his ungentlemanly behavior with me, might he be able to let it go now? With no Regina and the greenhouse destroyed, maybe he could finally release the pent-up anger and bitterness he'd stowed away for so long. She would never run from him, never laugh at him or turn him down again, so perhaps he would see me just as I was: me. I would never be a cold woman like Regina, and I couldn't imagine turning Adam from his marital bed. I wished I could hold him and reassure him that she was gone, and would never give him trouble again.
My thoughts ran wild, and after a time Adam stood and continued his progress around the castle. I did not follow. Instead I turned and walked back to the front of Great Hall, where he expected me to wait. Although it felt terrible to think such things, the thought did spring to my mind that with Regina's death, there was no further obstacle to a marriage between Adam and myself, save for a proper period of mourning. He was even afforded escaping from the disgrace of divorce. I was ashamed to think such thoughts in the wake of such tragedy, but my heart still longed for Adam, and would long for him until he was mine. Perhaps he would not be interested in marriage now, with his home to repair and rebuild.
I was at a loss as to what to do, waiting for Adam outside. Things felt so unsettled between us now. Every time we came close to beginning our happy future, Regina had managed to thwart us. Could she do so again with her death? My heart was hopeful that this would change nothing between us, but my mind was carefully reminding it that Adam would have much to take care of, and that it was possible even he would view another obstacle as an ill omen for our marriage and call the whole thing off on that account alone. Fidgeting nervously, I awaited his return.
He strode around the far side of the building minutes later, his face somber. His hand was still stained red from the blood of his wound, but he paid it no mind. My heart broke for him, for everything that he had lost.
"Belle," he said when he reached me, "I fear this brings... difficulties to our marriage." I swallowed hard, a lump in my throat. A breeze ruffled my dress, and I shivered, the air feeling cold after the blaze of heat from the fire.
"I understand."
"I think it's best if for now you return home to your family. I'm afraid there will be much to take care of here, for a while. When Regina's body is discovered, there will be questions, and the castle itself will require extensive repairs."
"I understand," I said again, my heart heavy. How long did he mean for me to stay with my family? A week? A month? Forever?
"I will come for you, in time," he promised. I cast my eyes downward, disappointed. "Belle," he said as he lifted my chin up to look at him. "I will. You are mine, and I will be with you, when I can." Anticipation swelled inside me, but I was careful to not get my hopes up too much. Until he was actually on my doorstep, ready to take me home and make me his wife, I refused to allow myself to dream about that time.
He arranged for the carriage to take me home, and I stumbled to it blindly. For a moment I remembered my haversack and turned to go back and fetch it, before realizing that it was no doubt burned with the rest of the the furniture and things. Still, it hadn't held much beyond one of my simple farm dresses, and while its loss was a pity, it was nothing compared to the sheer volume of what had been burned inside the castle. The ride home was a blur. I hardly felt the bouncing of the carriage over bumpy road, nor registered the passing of trees from the window. Perhaps I had been a fool to go back to Lord August at all. Yet again the happiness of our marriage had been torn from me, and I couldn't bear the thought of it happening again. I would not think of him again.
I departed from the carriage upon reaching the farm and thanked the boy, then turned to the house. My father and sisters would be surprised to see me back so soon. The journey was not impossible to make both ways on foot in one day, but it was taxing. They would expect me to stay the night at the castle and return the following day. What would they think now, as I showed up in the twilight, with the scent of smoke clinging to me? I would have to tell them the truth, I decided remorsefully. They need not know all the intimate details, but the burden of secrets had lain on me too long, and word of the fire was sure to spread throughout the town like, well, wildfire.
They were all seated near the fire in the front room when I came in, Margaret and Mary busy darning socks, and Father with his pipe. Their faces were indeed showing surprise at my appearance.
"Belle," said Father, "We weren't expecting you back till the morrow. Is everything all right?"
"Have you walked both ways?" piped up Mary.
"It's fine, Father," I reassured him. "No, Mary, his lordship was kind enough to lend me his carriage for the return trip."
"You reek of smoke," said Mary, wrinkling her nose.
"Yes... about that. I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you about my stay with Lord August." I drew a deep breath. It was time to tell them the truth. I would share the truth with them, explain it all, and then think of him no more.
"What have you not been honest about?" Father's face darkened and I knew he was thinking the worst. Mary and Margaret leaned in eagerly.
"Our relationship," I said. "We were...closer than I have led you to believe. What I told you about us sharing books and conversation over literature was true, and we also used to ride together everyday. As I said, somewhere along the way I grew fond of him. Very fond. I-I fell in love with him, and he offered to marry me." my face flushed red and hot, and my sisters looked at me aghast.
"You're engaged?!" shrieked Mary, leaping to her feet. The needles and fabric tumbled from her lap to the floor, but she paid it no mind.
"To a lord?" Margaret's mouth hung open.
