Beautifully Broken

Your eyes catch mine as you test the blade of the knife that you just got through sharpening against the edge of your finger. The smile you give me is anything but warm and inviting and sends a chill through my body. Your energy and demeanor are different this evening and have me feeling uneasy and needy for something that I'm too ashamed to admit. But I know that you know. Can smell my arousal as it pools between my legs. Can read the fear that writes itself across my face.

My chest rises and falls with a ragged breath as I squeeze my thighs in an attempt to deliver pressure to where I need it the most, but it does nothing to ease the need. A new hunger blossoms in the hidden depths of my mind.

I recognize the darkness that has been dancing in your eyes as you watch me like a hunter that's planning his attack. "You're so fucking beautiful that it hurts." You whisper with a raspy edge to your cold toned voice. "I want to wreck you little bird. Take until you're nothing but a destroyed, broken toy. Dirty and used up."

Trepidation and promises of ecstasy blend in the pit of my stomach. A fight amongst my instincts that mentally tears me into two. One side of me screams to run as far away from you as I can. The other blossoms with curiosity and a need of being the product of your threat. I remain silent and take a much needed drink of my water. It does nothing to wash down the metaphorical sand that seems to have made its way in my throat.

You stand and close the distance between us. Lust shows its familiar face when your hand goes around my neck as you take my lips in a ruthless kiss that leaves me panting and dizzy. "Go get your stuff from your car and meet me in the bedroom. I want you stripped, and on your knees waiting." You squeeze the hand that remains around my throat just enough to make me struggle for air. The index finger of your free hand traces down the side of my face, and over my swollen lips giving me a false sense of safety before you pinch them closed between your finger and thumb. "The most fascinating thing about pain is that it's temporary."

My eyes widen in discomfort that does nothing to gain your pity. You feed off my pain with the need to inflict more. And every part of my being wants to give it all to you. To submit and play in your merciless games. Waltz with the beast that sleeps in the pits of your blazing hell. Tonight he's awake and calling the shots. And I should be afraid. Excitement has no business here, but I smile when you release me.

I press the button on the hatchback of my car and wait patiently for it to open up, taking advantage of the moment alone before we step into scene. My mind clears of all that's been weighing heavy on me as I prepare to get into the headspace that you need me in.

You've been ruthless and brutal before, but tonight there's a shift in things, and I know that whatever is coming next is everything you've been preparing me for. Your words echo in my head on repeat just as they were intended to. "The most fascinating thing about pain is that it's temporary." You've mentally instilled things like this through out our time together that's bound my mind to you. The remembrance of them stopping me in my tracks at random during the day, and haunting my dreams at night. You're everywhere, and there's no escaping you.

My lust induced mind has my instincts weakened. By the time I hear you approaching it's too late to react. Something presses into the small of my back, and your hand is over my mouth. "Crawl into the back of the car, and don't say a fucking word. Your voice repulses me tonight."

You may as well have driven the knife you have at my spine into me because the hatred in your words is equivalent. Although they are painful, I find solace in them and the ability to disconnect from the soft and caring side of you. He is stowed away for the night, and nothing that happens next can be held against him.

The tight hold you have around me releases, and I obey your orders. I climb into the back of my car, and watch as you disappear behind the closing door without another word.

Neither of us speak as you drive me to our destination. I have a million questions, but you've stripped away my right to ask them. The ride is anything but comfortable and I swear you've hit every bump you've came across. My body bounces atop of the bags I'm laying on as the contents jab into me. I focus my mind and manipulate the discomfort in order to ignore it.

We turn, and I can hear the change of terrain. You drive maybe a mile before coming to a stop, and I know my time is up. My heart begins to race, and a rush of adrenaline courses through me when you press the button for the back door to lift open. "Get the fuck out and run, because whenever I catch you I'm going to destroy you."

Any other time I'd laugh at your threat and give a snarky reply, but I can't find the bravery in me to go toe to toe with whatever side is out to play tonight. I plant my feet on the ground and make a quick attempt to take in my surroundings. Headstones litter the ground around me illuminated by the moonlight that is playing in my favor. I eye a mausoleum in the distance, and make it my focal point. Once I'm behind it I can find somewhere to hide out of sight.

I waste no more of my time and begin to run like my life counts on it. I hear a door slam closed behind me, and I know you won't be far in my tracks. You're wearing heavy boots, and I find hope that they'll slow you down.

When I reach the mausoleum I keep running as I search for something to hide behind. A large, moss covered headstone catches my eye, and I dart behind it. Air hits my lungs like fire when I take in several, deep, quiet breaths. I'm squatted down and prepared to run as I listen for signs of you. You make it easy when you begin to taunt me. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." You begin to sing in a demonic like chant. It's the song my grandmother would sing me to sleep with. A small detail that I shared as I laid upon your chest one night. You are taking a comfort, and twisting it into something dark. Getting into my head with the first blows of your brutal attack.

Your footsteps approach closer as you continue to rattle off your twisted version of the song. I'm lost in thought, and nearly forget to make my escape. "...I dreamt I held you in my arms, but when I awoke dear... I was mistaken..." and when I remember, I fear it's too late.

I have no destination in mind, I just run to get away from you. I smell your ever present pheromones, and a hint of your cologne before your arms catch me and steal my attempt of escape. The impact knocks the breath out of me and I try to remain calm and do as you said to do during our prep talk. Remain calm, don't gasp in air because it'll only make it worse. It's instinct but our body knows how to correct itself. We've planned this night for a while, but you said I'd never see it coming.

The ground catches our fall, and I suddenly know how football players feel when they get tackled. My body is in panic mode, and my only goal is to escape. There is no reasoning between my body and mind. I buck my back, and dig my fingers into the ground in front of me in an effort to slip away from you. I'm completely numb to the discomforts of the dirt digging into my fingernails. The weight of you is non existent. In this moment I feel like I can lift a bus and take down a bear with my bare hands.

When my efforts to escape fail, I push up and flip my body under yours. A black bandana hides your face from the nose down, and your eyes are wild. My dirty hand slaps across your face, and it's like hitting a brick wall. You are unbothered by the scratches, punches, and slaps that I throw your way, and seem to find my fight comical. My efforts are useless, and only exhaust me, but I refuse to give up. I shove your chest, and come to terms that you are stronger than me in every way. Mentally and physically.

You bring the edge of your knife to the plump of my cheek, and I freeze. "What's wrong beautiful? Scared I'll mess up this pretty face?"

"Please no." I beg on a trembling whisper. "Please."

Your beast laughs in my face as it gets high on my fear. "Don't worry, I have plans to do much worse." The knife traces down my face, my neck, across my chest, and over the surface of my tits. You pull the fabric of my shirt away from my skin, and use the knife to cut it open. Your knife goes under the band of my bra that sits between my tits, and with a flick of it the bra pulls open and I'm left exposed.

I scream in pain when you bite unrelentingly into one of the globes and allow your teeth to take refuge in the tissue. My senses are heightened and everything feels like it's too much, yet not enough. There's no time to gasp for breath before you sink into the other.

A hand snakes its way to the hem of my skirt, and you force it up my thighs. This brings life to another fight within me, and I begin to kick my legs and buck my hips, anything to get you off. I just need to get away, but you're too heavy. The only option I have is to accept whatever fate you have in store for me. And remember. "...pain is temporary."

You have my panties cut from my body within seconds, and the tattered fabric stuffed in my mouth to catch my screams. Pleasure makes its way to the party when you slide a finger through my wet center and pinch my clit. "You dirty little whore, you're soaked." You add extra insult to injury when you tsk me, forcing shame to bleed from my eyes disguised as tears.

In this moment every part of me hates you. Not in the sense of actual hate, but for making something dark and twisted feel right. The need to have you brutally force yourself inside of me is immense. I want you to take. I want you to use me to fulfill your darkest desires. I want to be ruined by your hands, and my body sore from pain of your assault. Every step that I take for the next week to be laced with memories of this night. The night you broke me and brought my strength to life.

I'm brought back to reality when your hand clamps around my throat and my ability to breath is stripped from me. You hold me in place with the stern grip as you line your hard cock up with my needy, wet hole. You push in slowly confusing the hostile energy that surrounds us. Slow and soft have no place here.

Solace doesn't last long before you plunge the last few inches of yourself in with a force that scoots my body across the ground and punches my cervix. I clamp my walls tight around your cock as you pull out, gripping you like a vice inside of me. I smile at my small victory when your eyes roll slightly, and I pay for it soon after with a slap across the face.

Pain radiates across my cheek, and I begin to taste the familiar metallic essence of blood. Something inside of me wants you to do it again. Needs it as you fuck me like a rag doll. Hard, ruthlessly, and brutal. You are taking for your own pleasure, and I thrive on the dose of arousal knowing that I'm pleasing you.

My first orgasm quakes through me, and I see stars like the ones that twinkle above us. I get lost in their lights as I bask in my escape from reality. I'm instantly brought back when you use my moment of weakness to force your cock into my ass. Pain splits me in half, and I nearly choke on the panties in my mouth. They get caught too far in my throat, and I begin to gag. You don't seem to take notice, or care if you did because you don't hold back on your attack.

Your cock pulls out of me and you flip me back over onto my stomach. You lift your weight for a moment, and I find the last reserve of adrenaline to finally get up and try to run. Your hands are cuffed around my ankles, and I'm kissing the ground before I can even fully stand. "You can run all you want, but I'll always catch you." A hard fist punches into the side of my thigh and I'm able to spit the panties out and scream. "Music to my fucking ears." Another punch to my shoulder blade.

Your body is over mine again and I'm held down by your weight. Defeat is such a melancholy thing to accept when you feel a moment of hope. My fingers dig into the ground when you force your way back into my ass. I do my best to relax, and allow my body to get used to you. Every thrust is harder than the last. Deeper.

The pain soon fades, and pleasure takes over as I surrender my body to you. You've guided me through so much up to this point, and made me feel like an absolute queen. You've pushed me past limits I never could phantom getting past, and held me as I broke in your arms. Your arms have become a home of safety, and your hands of pain a comfort that I never dream to live without. You are my lover and monster bundled into the same person. Every side of you is beautiful. Even your ruthless beast.

Another orgasm blooms at my center and you must know because you keep your steady pace, and allow me to ride it out. "Please don't stop." I moan out. I cry from the intensity. From the love I feel, and the hate. I let go of who I was before tonight as the pieces of her shatter around me.

You pull all the way out of me, and slam back in with a growl as you empty your seed inside of me. Your breath is ragged and your body collapses on top of mine as you remain buried. I'm a fool when I think this is over.

My head snaps back with a pull of my hair, and your mouth is at my ear. "I'm not done with you just yet." Coldness kisses my skin when you stand, and the absence of your warmth chills me to the bone. "Get on your knees."

I'm weak and every muscle screams in defeat when I push my broken body up from the ground. My arms shake and threaten to fail, but I manage to obey. Your cock touches my lips and I clamp them shut. The thought of you just being in my ass causes a wave of nausea, and I don't think I can do what you're asking of me.

"Open up." You command. "Or I'll have to make you."

I shake my head no, and beg you with my eyes. Another slap across the face knocks me over, and I can't find anything else left to get back up. I could use my safe word, and this all stops. But just as I lack physical strength at the moment, I also lack to want to say the word.

"Get back up, and open your God damn mouth." You seethe. There's a tremble in your voice, and I'd do just about anything to know what thoughts are taking up residence in your head. There's no more time to ponder it before your knife is at my throat leaving me no option but to get back up. "Now open and clean your filth off my dick."

You squeeze my cheeks between your thumb and index finger, and my mouth forces open into an O. You push your cock in until the head of it touches the back of my throat, and I release a revolting gag. "Suck it clean, because if it isn't good enough you'll be sucking your vomit off of it."

My lips clamp around you like a tight sleeve, and I pull my head back sucking the length of you inch by inch until my tongue rests on the base of your head. I feel degraded and ashamed by the filthy action, but you seem to be pleased as you pull out and take a step back. I spit out what spit is left in my mouth, and I find out really quickly that it was the wrong thing to do.

"Lick it up." Your fingers are entangled in my hair, and my face is pressed to the ground next to the wad of saliva I just discarded. I'm equivalent to nothing but an animal. An object at your disposal.

I dart my tongue out against the dirt, and collect the spit like it's a treat that I've been begging for. The taste of dirt invades my mouth, and I ignore the urge to spit again.

Your booted foot rests at the back of my head and I know you have the power to crush my skull. Trust is the only thing holding me by a thread.

A warm liquid trickles it's way down my face, making a puddle in front of me as I become your human urinal. My face lifts on its own accord with a fear of being drowned in your bodily fluid. "This is what you are. Nothing but a whore for me to use. Your body mine to abuse. And the best part?" You remove your foot from my head and squat down beside me forcing my face into the dirt wet with your piss. "You love every fucking second of it." I spit and sputter as the bitter taste of you mixed with dirt imprints itself into my memories. Just the smell of dirt will forever take me back to this night.

The sound of your zipper gives me hope that this is finally over. Although I enjoyed every moment of it, I have nothing left of myself to give.

You gently roll me over, and lift my limp body in your arms. "Good girl." You praise. "You amaze me." A smile is all that I can give at the moment, and I hope it's enough. My body bounces with every step that you take towards the car. We are far, but you carry me with grace like some kind of hero that rescued me from a villain. I giggle at the thought.

"What's funny baby girl?"

"You're my hero." I attempt to say. But my mouth is dry and gritty with dirt. "And my villain. You are literally saving me from yourself."

You grin down at me, the darkness still ever present in your eyes. "And don't ever forget that little bird."

There's a satisfied look on your face. I study you as we finish the journey across the cemetery. I've seen this side of you in glimpses, begged for it to come out, but your self control was always impeccable. "Thank you Daddy."

You had a worry that I would fear you at the end of this, but I only feel a new closeness to you, and gratitude for your vulnerability. My soul is beaming with a fire that you brought to life inside of me. My inner Goddess finally awoken. "The most fascinating thing about pain is that it's temporary." You say. These words are always the anchor to my masochism. You've said them to me countless times. "but who we are afterwards is worth every bit of it."