Funny, isn't it, what you pick up from the atmosphere around you?
There I am, minding my own business -- and giving thanks for the empty seat next to me -- when the drinks trolley approached. And instead of the usual plasticized and practiced smiles being dispensed left and right, there was very clearly some animosity crackling between the angels of mercy who were about to serve the drinks.
And what crackling it was. Bags of peanuts (about four in each -- why do they bother?) were not passed across the trolley but positively hurled; it wasn't just the rattle of bottles that announced the approach of alcohol -- the clipped, hissing conversation between the crew members resonated for rows around. So it was with more than mild interest I looked up as the bar reached my row.
And believe me -- I was glad I did. For the vision that beheld my eyes was nothing short of stunning. Wearing a nameplate advising all and sundry that her name was "C. Morgan", the first of the adversaries, stopped next to me -- and this must have been my lucky day. Why? Because standing before me, looking slightly harassed was a true vision of beauty. About 5 foot 10 -- but looking taller because of the 3-inch court heels she was wearing -- "C. Morgan" epitomised everything I looked for in a woman. Her dark hair was drawn tightly back from her forehead but tendrils were escaping around the nape of her neck; the slightest sheen of sweat glistened on her upper lip. Her dark eyes were flashing anger as she smiled professionally at me and offered me a drink.
"I hope it's not ME that's upset you", I ventured.
"No" came the response. "I'm having something of a -- let's call it a 'professional disagreement' -- with my colleague. Now, sir -- what can I do for you?"
That was the wrong question to ask! Or at least, as I looked beyond "C Morgan's" face, the thoughts that were running through my mind had nothing to do with what she could do for me on the plane. Well actually, they did, but I was guessing that she'd want to keep her job!
This woman, as I've already started to indicate, had the appearance of an angel. Well -- let's make that a fallen angel. With fire in her eyes and flushed complexion above the stiff collar of her white satin blouse, this was clearly a lady of some spirit. Trying not to be obvious about it, I let my eyes travel the length of her body -- and what a body. Magnificent breasts, with clearly engorged nipples peaking the cloth that covered them; a nipped waist with a tightly belted skirt; legs that looked -- from the knee down, at least -- as though they should be advertising hosiery -- this woman was ALL woman. And, as she crouched gracefully in that way that only air hostesses can achieve, I saw -- or thought I saw -- the line of a suspender as her skirt was pulled taught against her thigh. Stockings, too....ahh, be still, my raging groin!
So, equipped with drink, I sat back and tried to concentrate on my book. But as the trolley moved on, I caught a glimpse of the fellow crew member. And she, too, was very beautiful. And she, too, was clearly agitated. She didn't serve me, but as she passed a drink to the passenger in the row ahead, I could see that her hands were trembling and, despite her professional smile, that she was deeply unhappy. With her face half-turned towards me, I could see the deep flush in her cheeks and the moistness in the corner of her eye.
This lady was someone who must have barely met the airline's height requirements. Even with heels, she stood only around 5 foot 6. Clad identically to "C Morgan", I could only harbour dreams that she was wearing stockings too. And I wondered what the issue was between these two....
I must have nodded off for a while -- well, it was a long flight, and I'd had a few! -- because next time I looked around, it was dark. And the slight figure of the second of the girls who'd been serving the drinks was taking my empty glass from the tray in front of me. I don't know what prompted me to ask, but I said to her almost immediately my eyes opened -- "are you okay?"
For some reason, instead of simply looking sideways at a complete stranger who had asked a somewhat personal question, she simply looked at me and mutely shook her head. Her long braid, reaching almost to her waist, swung back and forth a couple of times and then -- to my utter astonishment -- her shoulders began to heave with quiet sobs.
What's a guy to do? There's something about helpless female tears that really pushes buttons in me (there's something about helpless females, too, but more about that later) so I took her hand in both of mine, and asked her to sit down and tell me about it. And do you know what?
She did.
And what she told me made the ancient knight in shining armour buried somewhere inside me want to leap on his horse and ride into battle on her behalf. "C Morgan" had taken one or two liberties, to say the least. You see, my new seat-mate was new with the airline (let's call her Susie) and "C Morgan" had apparently told here that all crew baggage had to be searched before travel. "C Morgan" was a nosy bugger -- there was no such rule -- but Susie was humiliated when the search was conducted and her array of "toys" was revealed before the entire crew....
As we talked, I began to feel more and more that "C Morgan" needed to be taught a lesson or two. So I asked Susie a few questions -- how many crew members were in the aft galley; what the crew rest area was like -- and how long we still had to go before the crew were expected to make their next, breakfast-before-landing, round of the cabin. And as Susie talked to me, a plan began to unfold in my mind. Leaning closer to her, I first outlined, and then sketched in detail, of a way in which Susie might have her revenge on "C Morgan". Of course I was not motivated purely by altruism -- I'd begun to have some pretty specific thoughts about Ms. Morgan (Charlotte, apparently) myself....
Which is why, 15 minutes later, I found myself in the galley at the rear of the plane. Susie had drawn the curtains that separated the galley from the main cabin and the crew rest area was just beside us. I'd tossed around a few ideas about how to make this work, but in the end, decided that brute force was as good a plan as any....
Charlotte was seated on the jump seat, turned slightly away from me. With no preamble whatsoever, I walked up to her and grabbed the two-tone blue silk scarf knotted around her neck -- and twisted. Immediately beginning to gasp and choke, Charlotte was yanked irresistibly to her feet and propelled into the bathroom at the rear of the plane. Placing my knee in the small of her back and still holding tight to the scarf around her neck, I forced her to bend forward in front of me. The total shock of being assaulted by a complete stranger -- together with the fact that she couldn't breathe very well -- meant that Charlotte wasn't putting up much resistance and, taking the plasticuffs that Susie had given me from the store kept to subdue unruly passengers, I brutally lashed Charlottes wrists together behind her. The plastic bit deeply into her flesh as she began to writhe and wriggle; to try to turn to face her assailant -- but being immobilised already, there was no way back.
The first phase of Susie's revenge was simple. Charlotte had humiliated her by using toys -- so Susie wanted to use toys on Charlotte. And you should know at this point that Susie is no angel -- her range of toys was impressive, to say the least! -- so there were plenty of options to choose from.
Back to the bathroom. Picture the scene, if you will -- a broad-shouldered, strongly built guy has at least restrained this beautiful woman, and has her bent double at the waist facing away from him. In their struggle, her uniform has become somewhat dishevelled -- her blouse has untucked and, with one knee on the closed toilet seat, her skirt has begun to rise up. But she still had too much freedom of movement, and was making WAY too much noise. Both of those things had to stop.