Any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely accidental and Google searches failed to find any such similarly named persons.
2010 London England.
"Order, Order," The speaker of the House of Commons, the Palace of Westminster, the mother of Parliaments, the British Legislature spoke the words in the time honoured way as he gave the name of the next member of Parliament he would allow to speak. "The Prime Minister."
The Prime Minister rose slowly from his seat and the whole chamber went quiet, more than six hundred elected members crammed into the chamber with barely room for half that number in comfort, it's timeless grandeur only slightly sullied by the presence of TV cameras and dangling microphones.
"Thank you Mr Speaker, I shall be brief," the Prime Minister lied in his plummy upper class accent, "Among all the measures proposed in the Queen's speech this has proved perhaps the most controversial, apart perhaps for the compulsory tattooing of all benefits claimants, which as we have seen has already reduced considerably the dependence upon our Social Services, but the years of Labour's mismanagement of the economy has left us with even more awkward decisions to make, and we have been opposed every step of the way by that very party that got us into this mess."
He paused for the jeering and cat calls to subside, "But in the Availability for Work Act' and the 'Indentured Service' regulations we have outlined an equitable and fair means to alleviate much of the present deprivation and hopelessness which many of our countrymen and women are experiencing, day after day, the unending drudgery of unemployment, the soul destroying."
The cat calls and jeering became more strident, a red missile hit the Prime Minister's shoulder and slid downwards "Order Order" the Speaker ordered, "The Prime Minister,"
"Thank you Mr Speaker," The Prime minister intoned as he carefully removed part of a very rotten tomato from his shirt, "The inequality that imprisons millions in inner city squalor whilst in the countryside gardens remain un-tended, cleaners cannot be found and accommodation goes spare often in the most desirable areas just because of our archaic and outdated employment and minimum wage laws is an abomination that cannot be allowed to continue so Mr Speaker I propose that," another tomato narrowly missed the Prime minister and splashed the Foreign Secretary's bald head.
" Order, Order, Remove the Member for Wetherfield East if you please Sergeant at Arms," the Speaker intoned, "Prime Minister."
"Yes, thank you, Mr Speaker," The Prime Minister continued, "If I may, from Monday the first of April I propose that all new benefit claimants shall attend a monthly services auction, whereby employers may bid for their services, and from August the first this shall extend to all benefits claimants including those on incapacity benefits." There was uproar but he continued.
"Yes they will attend, and if there is a job offer then those benefits will cease forthwith," he explained, "Subject only to the job paying a minimum wage of two hundred pounds per week and the work being within cycling distance of ten miles or sixteen kilometers," A ripple of laughter from his supporters contrasted with the jeers from the opposition benches, he continued "Or one hundred pounds per week if accommodation is provided, this is of course for single people, married couples will of course have an option to refuse the plus accommodation offer if only one partner is offered a position."
"What about single parents?" the member for Walford asked.
"Yes child care will be expanded, to continuous, that is twenty four hours per day and seven days per week provision if required, it's all in the report," the Prime Minister explained, "And together with the introduction of Indentured Service Regulation whereby people who need domestic servants and gardeners and similar can obtain the benefit of the services of these classes of people by providing accommodation at or near the workplace and shouldering responsibility for their well being, Mr Speaker, this has the potential to reduce the social security budget by millions if not billions of pounds per annum and I am hopeful that this too can be implemented as from the first of April."
"You could be forcing people into prostitution!" someone shouted.
"Not necessarily but the recently introduced 'Regulation of sex workers and workplaces' provisions do provide a framework whereby sex workers can be protected from the sort of exploitation which they suffered under Labour," the Prime Minister insisted, "Working the streets with inadequate health care, but Mr Speaker only a tiny fraction of these placements are likely to concern sex workers although as you see the regulations do for the sake of clarity outline the level of contact which servants and masters, and indeed 'Mistresses' shall be expected to ah, enjoy."
A ripple of laughter again sounded from the government benches, "But the regulations provide safeguards," he continued, "The contracts are binding on both parties and can only be varied with the agreement of both parties so I really don't see a problem," he added, "And let us not forget that the initial projected savings will be equivalent to one hundred and seventeen new hospitals, a new aircraft carrier and seventy five new Eurofighter FW190 stealth fighter bomber aircraft."
The Prime Minister mopped his brow and sat down.
"Leader of the Opposition," The Speaker called. She stood, anger etched into her ebony features.
"When my father came here from Trinidad and Tobago, he came for a decent wage, a council house and a chance for his children to better themselves, what we propose today is a return to a situation worse than he escaped from." she spoke carefully in measured tones, "Why must we always follow the American lead, are we spineless? are we lap-dogs?" she asked, "And why do we go so far beyond the Americans proposals, almost to the 'Don't Work, Don't Eat' policy of the far right?"
She stared around the chamber, "And the withdrawal of student loan facility beyond the end if their education will inevitably drive our young people, into poverty, to the auctions or to the slavery of Indentured Service," there was a ripple of agreement from the opposition benches, "Furthermore," she continued.
Lord Barchester watched the live broadcast on the BBC Parliament channel on the wide screen TV in the lounge of his London home, and as the Labour party leader spoke he turned the TV off with the remote control, "I suppose I had better get back to London in case they have an all nighter to discuss it in the Lords."
"Must you Daddy?" Kitty his slender eighteen year old daughter asked plaintively as she fiddled with her i phone, "Why must you always go, why not someone else?"
"Because I'm one of the few remaining hereditary peers as you well know darling," he said fondly, "Now be good and if you can't be good."
"Be careful," she finished the sentence for him, "I know," she sighed, she always was careful, she lived with two sensible girls and a sensible boy sharing a student house in term time, she was very careful to avoid scandal, she didn't have a boyfriend and she was bored to tears.
"You could try ringing Paul if you're at a loose end?" he suggested. Paul her geeky housemate from Salford, it was father's standing joke that Paul was infatuated with her when in fact Paul's interests began and ended with microelectronics.
"No, I think I'll watch some paint dry instead," she laughed,"Goodbye!"
The House of Lords was indeed presented with the draft bill that very evening, and Lord Barchester had the unenviable task of presenting the government bill to a hostile upper chamber.
"What if it was your daughter?" Menzies of the Democrats demanded.
"I should rather she earned her benefits fairly than allow her to be a drain on the public purse, yes." Barchester agreed.
"So we'll see her at auction will we?" Menzies challenged.
"Should the circumstances require, yes." Barchester agreed, "Of course!"
The debate dragged on as debates do but finally as the Whips did their work so the government peers came in and the vote was taken, and with a slender Government majority the bill was approved and returned to the House of Commons for the final reading.
It was several months later in her student house in Salford that Kitty woke to the sound of one of her housemates Paul knocking on her door, "Sorry but there's someone on the phone for you," he said.
"Just fuck off ok." she said and then when he shut the door she grabbed her dressing gown and leapt from her bed before followed him downstairs to grab the ancient black BT land line telephone, "Hello?" she answered.
"Ken Decaid News of the Word," he announced as he herd her voice, "It's about your availability for work," he paused and then continued,v "Your father said he'd be happy for you to auction yourself," he suggested, "Back when they debated the Availability for Work Act back last Autumn.".
"Oh, well, yes, I expect he said that," she said, "Why?"
"Have you got a job then?" he asked, "Being as you will have had a whole three weeks holiday with no holiday job?"
"What?" Kitty asked, "The law doesn't mean I have to attend an auction just to find a job for the holiday"
"Then you're refusing?" he asked.
"No, but I don't need to work, I don't claim benefits, I have the money for my course, already," she said, "Sorry."
Kitty simply didn't think any more about the conversation until next Sunday morning when as she relaxed in bed at their London home in Kensington Gardens her father knocked on the door and strode in. "We have a crisis Kitty, do you see," and he handed her a copy of the New News of the World on Sunday, "Page five," he added.
"Senior Tory's daughter rejects new 'Work Auction' regulations." she read, "But Daddy!"
"There's a 'Work Auction,' tomorrow, Monday, Kitty," he said. "Kingsmead auction rooms, the PM thinks you should be there."
"But Daddy!" Kitty protested, "That's ridiculous, great aunt Sarah's trust pays my fees, I don't need to work, are you asking me to be in it?" she said.
"I'm rather afraid it is the perception, but Kingsmead is the nearest to our house, and well, really it's my job on the line," he admitted, "You don't have to accept anything of course, you're not on benefits."
"Then I'll do it!" she agreed, "Tell Mr Decaid!"
"It will be wonderful PR even if it's only symbolic as you don't actually receive benefits," her father continued.
"Well, I'll do it," Kitty agreed, "Just make sure you get plenty of publicity, and if I do get an offer I'm sure a week working in Subway won't kill me."
He smiled, "Yes, Subway," he agreed, hoping it would a prestigious high profile organisation PR company who would employ her and not a fast food chain that offered her a job, "I'll have a word with a few people," he promised.
Kitty was annoyed, she was looking forward to spending the last week of her holiday just relaxing in London after a week at daddy' house in the Cotswolds and a week in Salford but now quite suddenly she was being asked to take part in an employment auction in London of all places, and she would probably find herself waiting tables for the week.
Lord Barchester picked up his address book and dialled the newsroom at the New News Of the World (2013) plc, "Barchester," he announced, "Is Decaid there?" he enquired.
"Look Decaid," Lord Barchester explained as he was transferred to Decaids desk. "Barchester here, Kitty has graciously agreed to take part in tomorrows Auction at the Kingsmead Auction Rooms so can we please have an end to this nonsense."
