Amy's Perspective

Sometimes something happens and it hits you in the head. It hits you in the head in such a way that you realize that politically the world isn't anything like the way you see it.

My name is Amy. I'm 24, in graduate school, slim, dirty blonde hair, attractive, bright (sure – my opinion), and very married.

I'm no prude. My husband wasn't my first sex partner. And I know when to be sexy without being slutty. In relationships I expect to be treated as a full equal.

My husband is a couple of years older than I and is paying the bills until I hit the workforce two years from now. I fully expect to earn as much as he does when that happens. I believe in full equality, but I also believe to get equal treatment means earning equal treatment.

Basically, there is no way another guy is going to talk me into dropping my pants for him. I'm totally committed to my man. And, frankly, it's my opinion that any guy who tries to put the make on a married woman is a jerk.

My ideal is to be a strong independent woman – but one who isn't afraid to be sexy at times. After all, I thoroughly enjoy sex with my man and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

This was the world according to me - pretty black and white. Then my world changed.

I was home working on a paper on a sunny afternoon, wearing a pair of jeans (snug, low-rise, but not ridiculous) and a form fitting white t-shirt. There was a knock at the door.

I opened the door to see Steve. Steve works with my husband. He's in his early thirties, more senior than my husband and is considered one of the stars of the company. He hasn't gotten along well with my husband and they are at times rivals in the firm. He has made life a little difficult for my man on occasion – nothing major – just enough to cause a few grumbles.

My husband had told me that Steve hits on all the attractive women in the company and that it was apparent that he had been successful on more than one occasion.

Now I want to make this clear: Under no circumstances, if Steve had made a pass at me or made any kind of move on me, would I have ever even considered bedding the guy. First, I'm married. Second, if I weren't attached still he's almost 10 years older than me. And third, from what I've heard and from the couple of times I've met him, women aren't equals in his eyes – instead they are notches in his belt.

I have no problem admitting that relatively speaking he's attractive. And he has an athletic build. Still – there was no way he was going to score with me. This is my world view. And this is exactly what went through my mind when I saw him at the door.

He walked right into our living room – which was a bit of a mess – books and papers scattered throughout – and he sat down on our couch with a smug, arrogant smile and said, "I have an offer for you."

I stood there looking at him completely bewildered. His appearance was completely unexpected and this behaviour was too weird.

Before I could say anything in reply, he made his offer.

He said, "Make me a very happy guy, and I won't make things very difficult at work for your husband."

All I could say back was "what?"

Steve snorted, "This is pretty simple Amy. I can make life very difficult for Richard (my husband). In fact, I will make life very difficult for him, unless you make me a very happy guy – starting right now. The choice is yours. Make me happy or I'm going to go back to the office and make Richard unhappy – very unhappy."

I was shaken. I was furious. I told him to leave right now.

He got up and walked past me to the door. As these few seconds ticked away my whole world view came crashing down. I was considering, for the sake of my husband, in giving this guy what he wanted. I felt morally paralyzed. Then he began to open the front door. I looked to the ground, steadied myself, and then said "wait."

He closed the door. My heart was racing. Without saying a word he went back and sat on the couch.

I saw his smug smile burn through me. He said, "I figured you were the type." I could feel my cheeks flush. I hadn't done anything but felt so ashamed. In one instant every principle I thought I held had gone out the window.

I stood there fully paralyzed.

His eyes roamed up and down like lasers burning through my clothes.

Finally, he broke the silence and said, "now come on over here and get on your knees before me."

My legs were as if they were made of stone. Part of me was pulling toward him, part of me was pulling away.

........................

The phone rang. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. I raced to the living room to pick up the phone. It was my husband. It was such a relief to hear his voice. My love for him runs so deep. I was annoyed with myself because I was kind of curt on the phone with him. I'd make it up to him later, I told myself.

I made my way back to the bathroom, picking up my t-shirt and dumping it in the laundry basket on the way. I wanted to brush my teeth again.

Richard came home from work. I love him so much. He came over and planted a kiss on my mouth. How can I kiss back? But then again, how could I not kiss back? Our tongues met. I knew what it meant.