It was different after that. It felt different. She still wouldn't look at me, but the atmosphere changed. I got off of her. I took her up to the bathroom and we were in the shower. It felt different. She didn't have that expression on her face any more, like she wanted to kill me. She didn't look upset (if she had been upset she wouldn't have let me see that she was). It felt different and I didn't understand why. In the shower she let me wash her and touch her. She just kept looking down at the floor. I put my arms round her in there (I had to tell her to hug me back). I still didn't have the nerve to kiss her on the mouth.
We went back down and she went to get dressed. I told her not to; I wanted her for a bit longer. We took more pictures. I was telling her how to position herself, what pose to get into. She was doing it. Faith's strong. She was trying not to show any emotion or any feeling at all. She kept the poker face up. I was impressed. I was aroused when we were doing them. Eventually I had her on the floor on her back. I'd told her to spread her legs out wide and put her hands behind her head. I couldn't take it anymore, I got my dick out, I masturbated, looking at her. It didn't take long. I felt myself starting to come. I got her up and onto her knees. I came into her mouth. There wasn't anything for her to spit into so she swallowed it. She had trouble getting it down.
'Ok, you can go,' I said. She didn't say anything; she got dressed and went. There was almost a smoke trail behind her, it was that fast.
I was only in one day that week, the Friday. She came up to my desk. No one else seemed to be around; she might have been waiting for an opportunity.
'Do you need me tonight?' she said. She said it quietly. I was surprised that she'd come to me. I hadn't planned on doing anything with her that weekend; I was going to leave it.
'Yeah,' I said.
'Wait after work, I'll take you back to yours, ok?' She said.
'Ok,' I said.
I was surprised. At half past four every single person pelted for the door. Fridays were like that, it was like when you were a kid and everybody except you heard an ice cream van, you looked round and everyone had suddenly vanished. Faith was still there. I could hear her in her office. I thought about taking her there and then but she came out, she had her coat on and her stuff, ready to go. I went to turn my computer off and get ready.
'No rush, I'm going to have a ciggy first, give me five minutes, I'm in the back car park, ok? She said. She was talking to me like she like we were friends, like she didn't despise every cell in my body. I thought it was odd. Odd but good. I suspect I didn't wait the full five minutes.
She was stood beside her car. When she saw me coming out she got in. I thought she was being nicer because she'd enjoyed what happened at the weekend. Ron had taken her that way. If that was what she was into, maybe the earth moved or something. She'd softened towards me, or it sounded like she had. I got in the car.
'Hi,' she said. She was smiling. She was smiling at me. Her voice sounded like it did before I started blackmailing her for sex.
'Tony,' she said, I want to get things straight with you, so I know how this is going to work, ok?'
'What?' I said.
'This thing, our arrangement. So we're clear Tony, if I keep having sex with you, if I keep doing what you want, like you said, you won't show anyone the file. That's right isn't it?'
I got out of the car.
It was cold; I really didn't want to get out. I went to the bus stop. If I'd left work as normal I would have had to wait at the bus stop for about five minutes. Because I missed that one I was going to have to wait twenty minutes, in the fucking cold.
I've always been a bit of a scumbag. That's not going to be a shocking revelation to you at this stage, is it? For a long time I tried to be nicer. Then I just accepted the fact that I was just a bit of a cunt. Along the way, one of the things I've found is that when people who are basically nice, honest, good people, when those people suddenly try to do something dodgy, try to deceive someone, they struggle to do it effectively. In fact, they're absolutely shit at it. They're fucking amateurs. When she said that, when she went into, 'let's get things straight,' she couldn't look at me, she was nervous, her voice changed; she was utterly unconvincing. It was like when you see a pop star or a famous sportsman doing a cameo in a film or a TV show, like fucking Boy George on the A-Team (if you're old enough to remember). Some people can act, some people can't.
Faith would have had a Dictaphone, or her phone recording, or she's got some sort of listening or recording device in that car. She's gone out early to set it up. If I'm recorded explaining the terms of my blackmail plot I go to prison. If I go to prison I'd imagine that another convict will do to me what I'm doing to Faith, namely having sex with me without my consent. I'm reluctant to have that happen.
I rang her from the bus stop. 'Yes?' She said.
'Hey,' I said.
'Hi Tony.' She sounded downcast, contrite.
'I'm on my way home. You need to be there when I get there,' I said. I hung up the phone before she could respond which, in retrospect, was perhaps a touch melodramatic. When I got back her car was in the car park. I walked towards it but she'd seen me and she got out. I turned round and walked towards our flats; didn't wait for her to catch up. I got to my building; I stood holding the door as she followed me in. We didn't speak. We got in. I turned the light on. She started taking her clothes off right there, in the hallway. She was scared of how I was going to react to what she'd done. We were friends now.
