Believe it or not, and I'm still a bit ashamed of this, but it took me three weeks to do anything. The first five days or so I was so busy masturbating to the footage that I didn't have the energy or the inclination to think about the possibilities. Then I started to scheme.
I saved the file onto my hard drive. I copied it onto two flash drives; I stashed one at my mum and dad's place, and one in a place in my flat where it wouldn't be found. I sent the file to myself in an email, then set up two other email accounts and sent emails from myself to those accounts. In retrospect, maybe I was being excessively paranoid. She wasn't, after all, working for the fucking KGB, but it was nice to know that whatever happened I would have the footage of her being painfully sodomized by a black guy to hand, if and when I needed it.
By now a week and a half had gone by. In work I hardly looked at her at all, I kept my head down. I wanted her. I wanted both of them, and I'd known that I had an opportunity to get what I wanted the moment Faith got her clothes off in that hotel room. I was scared though.
Faith was a formidable woman. I'm not formidable. I'm not assertive. I've been getting professional help to try and build my confidence. I haven't felt like there's been much success. I couldn't see myself going up to her, showing it to her and taking things forward from there. It seemed ridiculous, the idea of me doing that! I didn't know if I was going to have the bottle. I kept thinking about it, wondering how I was going to do it, what I was going to say. A couple of times I went in there in the morning planning to speak to her but I put it off because I was scared. The more I thought about it the more frightening it got.
I was in on a Friday. Faith wasn't in at the start of the day. I think she got in just before ten. She had a dress on, a blue dress. She didn't normally wear dresses. She did look good. Even by her standards she did. I'd seen the dress before but on this day she was wearing boots with it, brown boots that went up her calves. She looked good. I was having to consciously stop myself from turning and staring at her whenever she came out of her office.
Melissa came in about an hour after Faith. They were both in Faith's office, at the back on the far right. I realized with perfect, crystal clarity, that I could have both of them. I could have them. I wanted them as much as you could want people. I knew I could have them. The fear came on me again, but it was different. It was that gut wrenching fear when you're petrified but you know deep down you're actually going to do the thing that's scaring you, and you want to get it over and done with, to make it go away. Can you relate to that?
Melissa didn't stay long. That was good, because I wouldn't have been able to go in there and give them both the news at the same time, that would have been beyond me. Faith was in her office on her own, which was rare. It was a window of opportunity. I turned the volume right down on my phone, I played the file to about a third of the way through, when Ron had started fucking her and she had started enjoying it, and I paused it. I was all ready. I had this yellow sticky note in my hand so it would look like I was taking a phone message in to her. My breathing felt labored. I think I was actually shaking, but I still went in.
I went in to her office. Faith was always really nice to me. I had to put the stuff about the problems I'd been having on my CV, word would have gotten around, so the women there seemed to treat me like a little orphan that they felt sorry for. I quite liked it. She was behind her desk.
Everything seemed greeny-blue in those offices, turquoise. The glass at the front, the chairs and curtains, everything was either green or blue.
'Hello Tony,' she said. She was so beautiful. With the nerves and just the sight of her up close I could hardly speak. I swallowed.
'Hi Faith,' I said. She had to be able to see something was up, had to. I didn't say anything else for a couple of seconds.
'How can I help Tony, is everything ok?' She said. She was smiling. She looked so pretty.
'I need to speak to you about something,' I said. She looked confused, which was fair enough. If I had a problem I needed to discuss I was supposed to go to my line manager, Alan. If not to him then I was supposed to go to his manager, Steve (Steve was alright). There was no earthly reason why I would need to speak to the mighty Faith about anything.
The point of no return was approaching.
'About what Tony? I'm a bit busy,' she said. She was still being cuddly, nice Faith, but I realized that wouldn't last much longer unless I had something good. I had something pretty fucking good.
I unlocked the screen on my phone. She was on the screen, her and Ron. It was paused.
'I need to show you something,' I said. I moved towards her, she was behind her desk and I held the phone out and turned it over. I clicked the play button.
'I'm sorry, you need to show me-'she didn't finish her question because she'd suddenly registered what was on the screen. Her expression changed, quite dramatically.
'Can you shut the door Tony?' She said. It was a command. It came out sharply and abruptly. I shut the door.
'I want you to give me your phone,' she said. She was conscious of the people in the next office; she couldn't afford to raise her voice. She wasn't being nice anymore.
'Give me that phone and we'll forget about this conversation. Ok?' She said. She's a strong woman. She put her hand out for me to give it to her. I nearly fucking did; she had that much authority in her voice, and in her manner. Again, I could hardly speak. I had my hands in my pockets; I didn't want her to see them shaking.
'I made six copies, Faith. I'm not giving you the phone, or any of the copies,' I said.
'Ok... I'm going to have to get the police involved, unless you give me all the copies of that video,' she said.
'Faith, respectfully, you wouldn't be able to prove anything, and I can just upload it onto twenty different porn sites before the police even send anyone down here,' I said.
She looked up at the ceiling in exasperation. She didn't say anything. I didn't say anything either.
'What do you want from me, do you want money? Is this blackmail, just so we're clear?' She said.
'I don't want money,' I said. I was looking her right in the eye. She probably had an inkling, from the off, what my intentions would turn out to be, but the picture must have been getting clearer for her now.
'Then what do you want?' She said.
It took me a few seconds to think a way to put it.
'Ok... If I need something from you, you're going to give it to me. That's going to be the arrangement. If you're good about it, I think it shouldn't be too bad. If we start having problems though...'
'What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What do you want?' She said.
'Look, if you want me to spell it out... I want sex. From you. That's what I want.' I said.
'I wouldn't sleep with you in one million years because you disgust me,' she said. I thought it was well put.
'You're going to be on the internet in about eight minutes. I'll send you links to the sites, you'll see the video and how many people are watching it. You're going to beg me to take the clips back off, and you'll offer me anything I want to get me to take them off. Or... we can just save the time and trouble and we can reach an agreement. How long do you think it will be before someone you know sees it?'
