Aftermath

An 18-year-old high school senior experiences, for the first time, a significant punishment. The story focuses her feelings and experiences on the days following her punishment. Enjoy

-Toastywarm

Jaime looked at herself in the mirror. What a mess. Her eyes and cheeks were puffy, her hair in shambles. She didn't look like herself. And she couldn't quite remember coming into this little bathroom. She looked around.

She knew she was at school, but she had never been in this bathroom before. She remembered that nice school secretary whose name she could never remember ushering her in there and saying that this would be a private place to "get herself together."

Jaime wanted to cry but she knew if she started crying now, she would never pull herself together enough to leave this little bathroom. She washed her face and tried to toss her hair around so that it didn't look like a giant cobweb. She wished she had a hairbrush.

As she tried to fix her hair, in her mind she heard herself yelling TOO HARD! TOO HARD! She looked in the mirror and said aloud, "Did I really say that?"

As she started to walk out, she could feel the tremendous pain in her bottom. Walking was making it worse. She felt like she had been in a fire and her jeans had melted into her butt. And her butt felt so large that her fiery skin was engaged tightly in her jeans.

Once she made it out of the little bathroom, Jaime looked to the ground, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. She just wanted to get out and back into the recognizable school hallways. What she really wanted was to be home.

As she walked out the door, the nice secretary stopped her. "Don't forget your books, Jaime." She looked up at the secretary. She remembered that she had been in the room with her because there needed to be a witness. Again, Jaime wanted to break into tears. It seemed that any human contact was emotionally painful.

"You go home and get some rest this weekend," the secretary continued. "It will all be better on Monday" Jaime grabbed her books, hugged them to her chest and scooted out the door.

She was alone in the hallway only for moments before the end of day bell rang. The hall went from dead silent to raucous in a matter of seconds. It was Friday afternoon, and everyone was happy and ready for a weekend as they marched toward the main doors.

Jaime could barely manage the excitement that surrounded her. She felt separated from the other students and was desperate to get outside. As she walked, she continued her self-talk. 'I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry.'

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Emma and Lucas had been Jaime's neighborhood friends for as long as any of the three of them had remembered. Jaime had moved to Texas when she was three years old and remembered little of the time before she was here. Both Emma and Lucas were born in town and had never lived anywhere else. Jaime's parents called them real Texans because their families had been in the state for generations. She understood that but always wondered what she was. Was she an unreal Texan? She had acquired a bit of an accent but nothing like Emma and Lucas who had learned to speak from their southern drawl parents.

Jaime had a crush on Emma's father. Not only was he an extremely handsome man with deep blue eyes, but his accent was also strong, and he looked and sounded like a real cowboy. He actually was an insurance agent who whenever he saw Jaime, he would comment on how she was growing up so nicely. "It won't be long before I start trying to sell you some insurance," was his standard line with the kids. Jaime would always blush in front of him.

Emma, Lucas, and Jaime liked to refer to themselves as "the normals" Like every other school, theirs had the usual subgroups. There were the beauties, the jocks, the hipsters, and the troublemakers. Jaime had friends in almost all groups but wasn't part of any of them. She stayed clear of the troublemakers however because they were just plain mean.

Emma and Lucas were already outside waiting in their usual spot. Jaime saw them from the steps and briefly thought about walking the other way. She really wanted to be alone. The three of them walked home together every day and she knew that she couldn't just brush them off.

As she approached them, she saw the worried faces of both her friends. She had told Emma what was happening today, and it was obvious that Emma had spilled the beans to Lucas even though she had been sworn to secrecy. Emma was like that. She was a great friend but when she got nervous, she couldn't stop talking. She had been worried about Jaime all day and had blurted out that Jaime was being punished while the two stood under a tree waiting for their friend.

Instead of stopping to talk, Jaime walked right by them. "Come on, let's go," she said tersely.

The two friends hurried to keep up with her.

"Did it happen?" Emma asked.

"Uh-huh" was all Jaime could say. If she said anything more, she would start balling.

"Was it horrible?

Jaime didn't answer; she just kept walking. All she could think about was getting through her front door where she could finally burst into tears. Her silence bothered Emma and made her talk more and faster.

"You know they really shouldn't do that to kids. It's just not right. My cousin got it a few years ago and...." Lucas hit Emma in the arm to stop her. He knew how much Jaime didn't want to hear the story.

Jaime did her best to ignore her two friends. She just wanted to get home. The only other person who knew what had happened was her mom. Jaime wanted to see her. She wanted her mom to tell her everything was going to be OK. She wanted, more than anything else, to hug her.

Emma continued to babble on. Now she was talking about the pool party at her house this weekend. Emma and Jaime had gone out weeks ago to buy new bathing suits for the event. They had purchased bikinis that were as skimpy as possible knowing that their parents would veto anything too revealing.

As soon as her house came into view, Jaime started walking faster. The other two couldn't keep up. Emma looked concerned and called after her.

"Hey, you OK?" When there was no response, she yelled, "Well, see you at the pool party tomorrow!"

Jaime was almost in a run as she approached her house. She slammed the door behind her and pressed her back against it. In the safety of her home, tears started rolling down her cheeks. "Mom!" She yelled.

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"That bridge has to be closed right now!" The town facilities manager was pissed. The report on the old Easton Bridge was dire. It was an emergency report that had just been sent to him and to the city council. So now everyone knew that the old bridge that they had been worried about for a long time was an impending death trap.

"OK I will put notices out today and we will have it closed by the weekend," said his assistant.

"Are you fucking kidding me? When I say now. I mean right now. Get the police out there and close it down. I want to hear sirens."

Before his assistant could respond the manager's phone started ringing. He didn't have to look. He knew it was one of the Councilmen.

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Marta loved being a mother. She had always wanted to have children and was fortunate enough to have three. Growing up in her New Jersey suburban neighborhood she loved watching her friends' mothers. Whenever she was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up the answer was simple. She wanted to be a mother.

And she was considered very successful in her role. People regularly told her how nice her children were. Billy was both an excellent student and an athlete, playing first base on the varsity team since his freshman year.

Jaime was also a top student and was known as one of the most polite and genuine students in the school. Marta loved visiting her classes on parents' night in the fall because all the teachers went on about what a great girl she was.

And then there was little Nina. Still in elementary school, it was hard to tell what she would be like, but the prospects were good.

Marta never saw herself as a Texan though. She had known little about the state until one Friday night when her husband came home from his job as a government auditor and told her that he had an opportunity for a promotion, but it would mean moving to Houston. She had trouble taking that in. Houston? Where is Houston, Southern Jersey? She couldn't think of Houston and then it hit her.

"Do you mean Houston TEXAS?"

The promotion was huge, and it meant a lot more money for the family. Plus, living was cheaper than the New York suburbs. So, Marta, her husband, Bill and the two children packed up and moved to Houston Texas. Nina wouldn't be born until after they moved.

The move and her life in Jersey were far from Marta's thoughts now as she sat stock still in traffic with Nina in the back seat after an urgent run to the dentist for a toothache that had the little girl in tears. Marta felt sick to her stomach as she sat in line.

"We are supposed to be home right now" she said aloud to the little one.

Really, she was talking to herself but part of her wanted to blame the poor kid in the back seat.

She tried to calm herself. Traffic was not in her control and getting upset was not going to help. Finally, she saw a man in an orange vest talking to someone a couple of cars ahead. She opened her window and waited for the man to reach her car with some news.

It wasn't long before she learned that the bridge up ahead had been closed. Something about needing to fix something. She didn't pay much attention to him because she was thinking that the route home was going to take another hour.

She felt like a failure as a mother.

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The house was silent, and Jaime realized that she was alone. Her tears turned to sobs as she ran up to her room slamming the door behind her. She felt like the pain had doubled since she left school and she had to get those tight jeans off to give her backside some much needed air. Naked from the waist down, Jaime fell face down onto the pink comforter on her neatly made bed and cried into her pillow.

The stuffed animals that waited on her bed to sleep with her every night were no help now and she tossed them to the floor. Jaime cried. In her head she heard herself yelling "Too Hard! Too Hard! at the woman who was hitting her with a wooden paddle. She remembered gripping the desk so tightly that it hurt her fingers and trying to keep from jumping up because the woman said if she stood up, she would start all over again.

Jaime wasn't sure how long she had been on the bed when she heard the garage door open. It would be Mom. She knew that her mother would come to her room so she slid herself under the covers so that her mother wouldn't see her half naked.

It was only moments before she heard a knock on her door. She could barely respond before it opened, and her mother peeked in. "I am so sorry," she said. "Nina needed to go to the dentist and..." She stopped herself knowing that excuses were not what was needed right now.

Marta sat on the bed next to her child who she knew was in both physical and emotional pain. She did the only thing she knew how to do in this case and that was to rub her hair and sit quietly with her. Finally she said, "I guess it was really bad, huh?"

"Uh huh," was the only response.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not yet."

"You know Jaime, I never had to deal with this kind of punishment. Where I grew up the paddle wasn't used in school. When we came here, we didn't want you to be different, so we signed for you to receive the paddle if there was a disciplinary action needed. We never, ever expected that it would be used on you. I am so sorry that this has happened."

Jaime had no response to this and after what seemed like an eternity of silence, Marta didn't know what to do. "Did you take any ibuprofen?" The question almost made Jaime laugh. Ibuprofen was Mom's answer to every hurt. When the family was much younger, they watched an old movie about a man who sprayed Windex on everything that was broken and everyone who had been hurt. It was a running joke that Ibuprofen was Mom's Windex.

When she didn't respond, Marta left and soon came back with two little pills in one hand and a paper cup in the other. "Take these and rest for a bit. I will call you for dinner."

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With her mom gone, Jaime threw off the covers so she could expose her butt to the air. Leading up to the punishment she had worried about how it would feel to be hit with the much talked about paddle, but she never thought about the pain that would remain after. She kept thinking that once the paddling was over, she could go on with her life. Now she wondered if the burning would ever go away.

As she lay on her bed, Jaime's mind raced through the day. Sitting through her classes, all she could do was think about what was coming at the end of the day. Usually an attentive student, Jaime had no idea what went on in her classes today.

She only had enough room in her head to think about the upcoming paddling. She bought food at lunch but didn't eat it, letting Lucas graze from her tray as Emma babbled on. Jaime had no idea what Emma was talking about. It was like she was in a trance.

When the last period came, she delivered her note to her teacher and went to her locker where she grabbed her books that would be needed for the weekend. She remembered trying to think about what she would need and ended up just taking most of her books with her.

Jaime thought back to sitting in the office and waiting. That was the first time that she thought she was going to cry. And then the nice secretary came for her and gently guided her to the disciplinarian's office. The poor lady probably had to deal with kids getting punished all the time. What a horrible job, she thought.

When her mind led her to being in the office with the disciplinarian, she started to cry into her pillow. The disciplinarian lady was very strict and was all business. She recited the reason for the punishment. Jaime had at first wanted to argue and then wanted to say she was sorry, but nothing could come out of her mouth. And it was obvious that the lady didn't want to hear anything from her.

Then she was leaning over the desk. Her butt in the air. The room was silent except for her heartbeat which felt like it was being broadcast over a loudspeaker. She remembered breathing in and suddenly it happened. The paddle landed hard on her backside. She remembered counting the first three but then she lost count. All she remembered after that was yelling, "Too Hard! Too Hard!"

Jaime also remembered leaning over the desk when the paddling had stopped. She felt stuck there, not knowing whether she would be able to raise herself. The secretary was there rubbing her back and telling her it was over. She helped her up and walked her out into the outer office. It seemed bright out there and there were lots of people around. Jaime wondered who might have seen or heard her in that awful state.

And then there was that little bathroom. It was there that she realized it was over and that the physical pain would stay with her for some time. At that point, Jaime hadn't even begun to think about the emotional pain that she would also endure.

Jaime lay on the bed thinking about all this for some time. She went over it again and again thinking about different parts of the afternoon, not necessarily in order. While she lay there, she heard her brother Billy come home. He had baseball practice every day after school and arrived home just before dinner.

Dinner. She really didn't want to do dinner. The evening meal was one of the few requirements in her house. No matter how bad a day you had, you had to show up for dinner. For the first time in hours Jaime's mind moved to the future. She needed something to wear that was going to be comfortable.

She forced herself up and pulled out some sweatpants from her drawer and gingerly started pulling them up. As she did, she caught herself in the mirror. She couldn't really see her bottom, but it looked like there were bruises. With her pants around her knees, she waddled over to the full-length mirror on the back of her door. Her eyes bulged when she saw the bruises that covered her backside.

The middle of each of her cheeks had a white circle surrounded by purple and red splotches that went down the back of her legs. Jaime felt like she was going to faint. The pain seemed to double as she looked at the damage to her body.

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As a stay-at-home mom, Marta took pride in her family dinners. It wasn't only the meal; it was the family time that was important. They always ate soon after Dad arrived home from the city, and everyone was expected to be there.

Normally they ate in the kitchen but today the table was set in the dining room. Everyone, including Dad, was surprised by this change in routine. Billy was the most vocal about it.

As Jaime was walking down the stairs, she saw Billy standing in the dining room in his baseball uniform yelling to anyone in earshot, "Hey, why we eatin' in the dining room? We got company comin'?"

Marta spoke in an even manner from the kitchen, "Billy, I just wanted to eat in there tonight. Quiet down and come get the food."

Marta had a reason for this unusual move. The dining room chairs were cushioned, and the kitchen chairs were not. She had first thought about placing a pillow on Jaime's chair in the kitchen but as no one else knew what had happened that day, she decided that would not be wise.

Marta had made one of Jaime's favorite dishes that evening and carried it in hoping it would bring a smile to her face. It didn't. Jaime just sat looking at her plate. Dad said the evening prayer and food started quickly around the table. Billy was always hungry, so the girls had to make sure they got their food before he got to the serving plate. Everyone noticed how little Jaime took. The room was unusually quiet, mostly because of Jaime's sullenness.

Billy broke the silence, speaking with his mouth half full of food, he blurted, "Hey Jaime, I heard you got whacked today!"

Jaime's eyes went wide at Billy's announcement. She was ready to hit her brother when Dad interrupted the fight. "Now where would you hear something like that, Billy?" he asked.

"Jimmy K. told me at practice that he saw Jaime coming out of the office all crying like. He said that there was no question that she got whacked."

Once again tears were rolling down Jaime's cheeks as she stood up. She needed to be out of the room fast. As she passed behind Billy, her hand came down hard across the back of his head. Surprised by the strike Billy fell from his chair banging his head on the table as he went down.

"Woah Woah Woah, young lady." called father trying to stop the young girl. He started to rise when Marta gently patted her hand on his arm giving him the signal to let her go.

Dad was confused but knew that Marta, who was always most knowledgeable about the needs of the kids, had everything under control. As she ascended the stairs she heard her father asking if all this was true. As usual, he had no idea what was going on.

Back in her room, again face down on the bed, Jaime could hear the family dinner continue. She couldn't hear the words but was sure that they were talking about her. Dad, along with her brother and sister were most likely being brought up to speed on her misdeeds and the punishment that followed. Jaime was sure that her mother was turning it into a lesson for her siblings.

At first, she felt bad about hitting Billy. She hadn't hit him since she was a little kid. But as she lay on her bed, she felt something change inside her. He deserved to be hit. He should have known better than to say anything. She was angry with him and wanted to go back and hit him again.