Michael woke up in bed alone. Well, not quite alone. Julia was curled beside Mariah's pillow, and Henry was laying in Mariah's spot, with his head on her pillow, snoring softly.
"Where's your mom, guys?"
Henry snoozed on, uninterrupted by silly human questions. Julia squeezed her eyes at him, looking inscrutable in her little chocolate mask. Michael rubbed her chin and she stretched her neck and purred.
"I bet you know, don't you, sweetheart? You're just not telling."
Vividly blue eyes opened just wide enough to confirm his statement, then squeezed shut again.
Michael swung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched. He remembered the time he had panicked when he'd woken up and couldn't immediately find Mariah. It seemed like a long time ago. The memory made him realize how much had changed. The constant fear of something bad happening to her whenever she wasn't with him was easing. Whether it was the growing familiarity of having her around, or because he was learning more about her capabilities, he was growing more comfortable about her safety. It was ironic since he kept discovering more details of just how dangerously she lived outside the compound.
He got up and made his way to her room. Just because he was no longer on edge all the time didn't mean he didn't like to know where she was. He heard the sound of the shower as he neared the other side of the room. That was where he had expected to find her, but he still wanted to check. This time, the desire to check had little to do with worries, and much to do with prurient interests. He hadn't forgotten the time he watched her on the floor of the shower, pleasuring herself with the shower wand. The time he had caught her singing had been nice, too.
He paused near the bathroom door to listen, but all he heard was running water. He poked his head around the corner. Through the clear shower glass, he could see her shampooing her hair. Her breasts jiggled enticingly as she scrubbed her scalp. He was gentler when he did it. He enjoyed watching her wash her hair, but he was also irked by the fact that he wanted to be the one to do it. Her trust and vulnerability when she tilted her head back into his hands and relaxed under his touch was gratifying. Of course, there was also the benefit of having soapy hands with her wet body at his disposal.
He shook himself out of his thoughts and returned to his room. Yesterday, he had told her that he was going to give her more time to herself. It was time to make good on that promise, even though it meant passing up the opportunity to enjoy her wet and naked this morning. He sighed and started his own shower. When he finished shampooing and bathing, his cock was still bobbing insistently. Illogically, sex whenever he wanted it only seemed to make him want more of it.
He grasped his shaft and rubbed his thumb over the tip of his cock. It felt good but somehow unsatisfying. He tentatively stroked himself. Despite knowing exactly the right pressure and speed to use, it was lacking. He closed his eyes and pictured Mariah kneeling in front of him with her hand wrapped around his cock. That was better. He knew exactly what she would look like when she looked up at him with that sexy, dazed look she got when she was very aroused. He gripped his shaft tighter, imagining his hands over hers, showing her what he wanted.
In his mind, he saw the tip of her little pink tongue sneaking out to wet her lips while she watched him guiding her hands. The little vixen would be looking for an opportunity to get her tongue on him. He soaped his hands and rubbed his finger against the underside of his cockhead, remembering the way she always slid her tongue against him when she got his cock in her mouth. In his mind, it was her hands on his cock now, stroking the shaft as she licked and sucked the head.
He pumped his cock faster. He would tell her to put her hands behind her back so he could hold her head in his hands and thrust into her mouth. He tightened his fingers just a little more. She always tried to keep her lips tight around his cock while he fucked her mouth. And— oh, God—
"Fuck!"
He leaned against the wall of the shower, milking the final spurts of his climax with a shuddering sigh of relief. When it was over, he stood under the water, recovering himself. With his libido quieted, his thoughts turned to the previous day.
The conversation by the pond had been distressing. He knew how much she hated it when he forced those kinds of conversations. He had toyed with the idea of waiting for her to decide she was ready to talk. It was the type of sound advice that might be found in an advice column, back when there were such things, but he didn't see how that would work. Whenever he tried to talk to her about their relationship or her thoughts and feelings, she either shut down or became evasive. She had become a little more open lately, giving him little glimpses, but only occasionally and never what he most needed to know.
He had decided he couldn't wait for Mariah to reach the point of voluntarily talking about things between them. He was far from certain that she would ever get to that point on her own. Even if she did, irreparable damage might be done in the interim. He needed her to tell him when he upset her, and he needed to know how she felt. Whether she believed it or not, she needed to know how he felt and what he intended. Somehow, he had to find a way to get her to talk to him instead of bottling everything up.
The memory of Mariah's body shaking as she cried in his arms made his gut twist. As bad as it was, he was glad it was out in the open. Some of the things she said weren't a surprise. He had known he'd messed up badly. The tracking device fiasco stood out as the biggest mistake, and it had led to others. Every time he thought of that idiotic suggestion he had made about a "kill switch" in the tracking device, he cringed. The worst part was that even knowing what a mistake the tracking device had been, he still couldn't bring himself to offer to have it removed from her back. He couldn't face the thought that she could leave, or be taken beyond his reach, without any ability to find her again.
He knew his behavior after the tracking device was implanted was inexcusable. How could he have been so wrapped up in his feelings of rejection that he couldn't see how he was hurting her? She had been right when she said he wouldn't have treated an enemy that badly. Most of it hadn't been intentional. It had been thoughtless and callous. And selfish. He should never have tried to have sex with her while things were like that between them. Hearing her say that he used her like a "masturbatory tool" had cut deep. Twice. Once would have been bad enough, but he did it twice.
Without forethought, he swung the side of his fist into the wall of the shower. The pain was immediate and it cleared his head. As he stood there shaking out his hand, he reminded himself that getting angry about it wouldn't help. He'd spent his entire life controlling his anger, and he wasn't about to let it get the better of him now. All it took was the memory of one of his father's rages to remind him that was not who he wanted to be. He took a deep breath. He wasn't his father, and Mariah wasn't afraid of him. He never wanted to give her reason to fear him, but it was reassuring to know that if he ever lost control of his temper - really lost it - she wouldn't be cowed. He snorted at the idea of Mariah cowering.
Despite the seriousness of his mistakes with Mariah, he felt optimistic. Slowly but surely, he was finding his way past her walls. He caught himself smiling in the mirror when he began shaving. He would find a way to make things right with her. He had to. He wanted to see her smile more, the kind of smiles that lit up her face, and not just a fleeting smile in reaction to something funny or cute, but because she was happy.
He rinsed his face with bracingly cold water. It was going to take restraint on his part - a careful balance between giving her space and letting her retreat from the progress they had made. He had no intention of letting her forget the attraction between them, but reluctantly, he had come to see that she needed space to process what she felt. Resolved, he briskly finished his morning routine, dressed, then went to look for Mariah.
He found her in the kitchenette. She was sitting at the table, coffee in hand, pouring over her handwritten notes on the project. Duncan was sitting on some of the pages she had set to the side. He looked smugly at Michael when he came in, just daring him to say something about the fact that he was ensconced on the table.
"Morning, babe."
Mariah looked up and smiled. She'd been absorbed in her reading and hadn't heard him come in.
"Morning. I made coffee."
"Thanks. First things first, though." He tilted her chin up for a kiss before he poured himself a cup of coffee. "What's with the paperwork?"
"I just wanted to make sure I had everything straight in my head that might come up in the meeting today."
"You're not worried, are you? We'll just be letting everyone know what's going to be happening."
"I'm not exactly worried. Nervous, maybe. I don't know how everyone's going to take the news. I show up one day out of the blue, and a little while later, their lives get turned upside down and I'm right in the middle of it."
He set down his coffee and wrapped her in a hug from behind.
"I hadn't thought about how that might feel for you. But, I have thought about how the staff might feel about the project. The truth is that things were pretty boring before you showed up and started getting kidnapped and demanding rescues."
"Michael!" she protested, but she did smile.
"There's no point denying it. You, my love, are a troublemaker." He paused to kiss her cheek. "I have a feeling everyone was ready for a little trouble, though. Seth's the one who will probably be most impacted, and he was excited about the idea of an agricultural project. Besides him, it's the security team that will have to adapt the most, and we already told them."
"How do you think they took it?"
"It's hard to say. Nate looked grumpy, but he always disapproves of anything new. I think he's still convinced you might slit my throat in my sleep."
"Who says he's wrong?"
Michael swatted her ass. "God knows what he'd think if he knew what a brat you actually are. I thought Jack looked excited. I'm sure he's thinking of the potential dating pool expansion. I couldn't tell what Andy or Yvonne thought. Andy tends to be cautious. I'm never sure what Yvonne's thinking."
"Maybe she'll be happy about an expanded dating pool, too. Jack was teasing her about not being able to take advantage of the Passion Pit." Mariah made a face at the ridiculous name.
"Maybe. She's not exactly high and dry, though. She and Amy keep each other company."
"I had no idea they were an item. I guess I've never really seen them together."
"It's more of a friends-with-benefits arrangement. At least that's how I understood it. They're pretty discreet."
"What about Ezra? How do you think he took it?"
"I think he just looked at it professionally, not as something good or bad, but as something to be planned for. I do wish I'd given him more of a heads-up in advance, though. I didn't realize I should have done that until I was already in the middle of telling them."
"Maybe you ought to say something to him before today's meeting. He'd probably appreciate it."
Michael kissed the top of her head. "I suppose you're right."
