I waited three weeks before I called that special phone number again. I kept thinking about how my special night could have went very wrong. I felt a little embarassed and dirty about my feelings.
'How can I want this?' I thought to myself. 'How can I love it so much when most girls would feel like it was the worst thing in the world to happen to them?'
I didn't care in the end. I needed it! I ached for it! Night after night I thought about him violating me. Hurting me while he used me for his own pleasure.
I called the number and said, "I want to be violated."
The voice on the other end said, "Fine, what level would you like to explore?"
I meekly said, "What's level 2?"
"Level 2 is not for," he laughed then said, "beginners."
I thought, 'Did he know it was me?'
Then he said, "Katy, right?"
I replied, "Yes, but how do you know?"
"I know everything, sweety. Did you have a good time with level 1?"
I said, "Obviously or I wouldn't be asking for level 2."
He laughed then said, "Level 2 is rougher than level 1. Plus, it's unpredictable."
"What do you mean unpredictable?" I asked.
"I mean it may go farther than you want and there's no turning back."
"Will I die?" I demanded.
He chuckled and said, "No, no, no. But you may need a little medical attention. Just a little. Like I said, it's unpredictable." There was a long pause then he asked, "So, what's the verdict? Do you still want level 2?"
"I want it!" I replied.
He proceeded to tell me that it would cost 1,100 dollars. Thank god for my emergency money mom and dad gave me.
Level 2 was different all right. I was told to be at an address at 1:45am in south bend that night! There was no messing around with time. If I wasn't at this address on time, I would be cut off from the violators' phone number.
I took a shower and got out a nice blue and white summer dress that came to my knees. I made myself up and looked into the mirror and thought, 'I'm making myself look good for my rapists.'
I shook my head and said out loud, "You're nuts."
I got my purse then out I went.
The cabbie found the address I had been given. It was a run down bar in a bad neighborhood. I would have never gone there in the daytime yet there I was at 1:40 in the morning.
The cabbie said, "You want to go here?" His voice made it obvious that he thought I was crazy.
I nodded, gave him his money and got out of the cab.
He tore off down the road and part of me wished I was with him. My heart was pounding and I felt like I could hardly move. I was scared but my ache was too great. I needed to have this done.
I walked into the bar. There were three black guys, one behind the bar who was in his fifties the others were in there twenties. The guy behind the bar was skinny and about 5'10" just like one of the twenty year old guys. The other twenty something guy was fat, bald and had wide shoulders. He was about 6 feet tall. He was a big dude.
At one of the tables sat a 30 year old medium built white guy. He was drinking a beer when he noticed me and waved me over.
"Katy?" he asked.
I smiled and said, "Yes."
I held out my hand to shake his but he looked at me like I was pathetic. I put my hand down and he told me to have a seat. I sat down across from him.
He looked me over then said, "It's always the pretty ones you never expect. You do kind of look like Anne Hathaway."
I smiled.
"Do you have the money?"
I took a brown paper bag out of my purse and gave it to the guy.
"I'm Troy, by the way," he said as he looked into the bag. "Well, it all seems to be here. Are you sure you want to do this?"
I nodded yes.
He shook his head and said, "There's no going back, Katy. Once it starts, that's all she wrote."
"I know," I whispered.
He shook his head again and said, "I don't know what will happen after I leave here."
I was kind of shocked. What did he mean he didn't know what would happen? How could he not know?
I asked, "What do you mean? This is your thing. This is your operation, how could you not know?"