It's not every day you get to work for a genuine TV celebrity is it? I should be thankful.
"I know you're a Neanderthal without a brain, but do you think we could
please
finish this section today?"
She's probably been ordering the scum about all her life. Sounds like it. I'm not too sure what a Neanderthal is. I don't reckon it was a compliment though. She's going to find out a bit later on how much brains I've got. Maybe a bit more than her. Posh cow...
"I'll do my very best ma'am"
"You do, of course, know what you're doing? Do I need to fetch some paper and a crayon and draw some pictures for you?"
"No thank you, ma'am".
Fair play. I
was
lucky to get community service, very lucky. Even being here getting treated like shit by Lady NastyBitch is still preferable to going down again. Sometimes there isn't much in it though. Still, if she gets on the phone to that fucking copper, I
will
go down. And we both know it. When you see her on telly every night, you'd never know what an horrible cow she is. I don't care what she looks like...
Because I used to be a landscape gardener, they sent me up here. To Lord Hooray Henry and his famous bitch wife's estate. I'm restoring an Edwardian rose garden. The National Lottery's paying for all this. It's not particularly hard work. It's just horrible taking shit off her all day. Sat there in her lawn chair like a fucking slave master or something. All she needs is the whip. Now there's a thought...
"Are you actually capable of fully closing your mouth?"
It wasn't this bad to start off with. Then there was the
little accident
. It wasn't even my fault. She decided that it was though. She's been talking to me like this ever since. Three weeks now. Wasn't even my bastard fault...
I don't care what she says today though. Today's going to be a good day. Bit of revenge. She can say whatever. I'll just smile. Let's see, ten now. I think I'll wait till half four, then I'll make my move. Then it's
game, set and match
to me. Can't fucking wait...
I knew I was
really
lucky to get community service for what I did. I had no idea
how
lucky though. Not until last night. I should teach her a few things about discretion. I'm going to enjoy rubbing this bitch's nose in it. At half four. Fucking
roll on
...
"Something amusing you Lennie?" She's caught me smiling like a Cheshire cat, thinking about what I'm going to do later. Why the fuck does she keep calling me Lennie? She knows my fucking name. She's just winding me up. Joke's going to be on her though...
"No ma'am, just thinking about football. Leeds won on Saturday. That's my team, ma'am"
"I'm not even vaguely bloody interested. And I didn't tell you to stop working. Get on with it. You're not here to chat."
See what I mean? All the time she's like this. Her personality is
that
bad, it almost cancels out her looks. And she
does
look good. Fair play to the posh cow. Classy. There's no doubt about it. A thoroughbred. She's probably about forty odd. Those horse riding trouser things she wears could have been sown on. Only a bird that's eaten posh expensive food all her life can keep a figure like that. Not an ounce of fat on her. Face isn't bad either. Not bad at all... Her all year round sun bed tan is a nice little bonus. I can't fucking wait. I can hardly contain myself in fact...
"Could we
please
get a move on?"
"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am"
There was another bloke up here with me. Dave, a nigger from Bradford. He was all right. Got done for stealing a credit card. She wasn't as bad then. Before the
incident
. Which was
his
fucking fault. I got the blame though. Now I'm Lennie the Neanderthal. Dave's finished up now. Gone back to mugging and crack dealing probably. Decent bloke though, we had a laugh. I just wish he'd owned up. Still, can't have everything can you?
I'm just about to finish my afternoon break. I'm getting well excited. It's nearly time. I
have
actually been working really hard today. Shifting flagstones about. Fucking about with those edge-cutters. Here she comes, back to her throne. She's not going to be looking down her nose at me for much longer now though. I'm getting that big match buzz just thinking about it...
I'm slouched in my chair. I let out a burp as loud as I can to wind her up.
"I've told you before, you bloody oaf! You must say
excuse me
afterward!"
"Sorry ma'am"
"So you bloody well should be. Your break time's over get back to work. And
close your mouth
, you gormless idiot!"
I have a look round. It
is
a really secluded part of the grounds. Nobody about. Good...
"Didn't you hear me, get off your lazy behind and get back to work!"
I stay sat down, nice and relaxed. I light another cigarette. I keep my eyes on the floor.
"Why don't you go and fuck yourself?" I say it quiet, just loud another for her to hear.
"What!
What did you just say to me you thug?
"
She stands up. She's coming over.
