A Womans Journey

I was at an interview for an entry level filing clerk. The job was beneath me and I am not being arrogant when I say this. I had a degree but my circumstances were such that I only wanted a low paying job.

I breezed through the interview stage. They seemed surprised why a 22 year old would want such a low paying job with no prospects but they did not understand my circumstances.

I had completed my degree and my family wanted to go on a holiday to their native India. It was a holiday to get in touch with my roots. I was interested in learning about my family heritage and I was excited to see my mother country. My mother was a nurse and my father was doctor. They came to England when I was 12 so I always felt a connection to India but I had not visited in 10 years.

What I did not realise was that this was a ruse to have me go to India under false pretences. Once in India we went to our ancestral home which was in a rural village in India.

This was a million miles away from the Taj Mahal and the places I wanted to visit. I was introduced to my distant relatives.

It was a couple of days later that I was introduced to Vijay Malhotra. He was in his late 30's and was the son of my father's friend. He was a successful lawyer from the city.

I found the introduction to be strange as there was no real reason to meet him. He turned up every day to talk to my parents and also talk to me. He said he remembered me from when we lived in India and his family were our neighbours. I vaguely remembered him.

It was a couple of days later that my mother mentioned he was divorced and looking for a wife. I found it to be a strange conversation and I was being given information I felt unnecessary. The next day my mother was pressuring me to dress up and made it sound like it was an important occasion. I wore a traditional blue sari. I had only ever worn such dresses to weddings and those type of occasions. I usually wore skirts and dresses or leggings.

We were waiting around for someone to arrive. My parents were being secretive and this made me nervous. A swarm of cars drove to our home and it felt auspicious. Vijay and his family came out of the cars with baskets of sweetmeats, flowers and jewellery.

The events soon began to make sense as my parents eagerly greeted them. There were smiles from everyone and I forced a smile while hiding my feeling of dread and anxiety.

The Indian readers will now have realised that this was not just an ordinary coming together. Vijay had arrived to ask for my hand in marriage. He was almost 20 years older than me. I just smiled and nodded to get through this nightmare. This had been planned long before between my parents and I could not make a scene in front of their family.

I had a boyfriend in London but we were only semi-serious and I was "saving" myself for marriage. I now had regrets about not committing myself more to the relationship. Was I really saving myself for this?

I had to speak to my mother once this was all over. Vijay then brought out a gold and diamond ring for my engagement. I had to admit that it was impressive but I could not accept.

He attempted to take my hand but I withdrew it. My father and mother looked at me scornfully and my father said, "She is only being shy. Come on Anjali beti"

Vijay took my hand more forcefully now and placed his ring on my finger. Everyone cheered and greeted each other. I became withdrawn and just smiled and nodded to anyone congratulating me. I was lost in that moment.

After the ceremonies were completed the party left and I was with my parents. I was angry but I tried to plead with my parents for an explanation and a way out.

My parents said I was the right age to be married and it was their responsibility to find someone good for me. This was not the life I wanted. They talked about me like I was burden that they had to unload.

They had arranged the wedding for 2 days' time. I went to my room hurt and dejected. I planned on escaping and getting to the airport.

I went to my room to find my passport and money. I looked through all my bags but they were nowhere to be found. I could not ask my parents as they would then know of my intentions. I was trapped with nowhere to go.

I ended up marrying Vijay against my will. I came back to London and my parents pushed me to apply to bring him over. The only problem was that I needed a good paying job to apply.

This brings me to today. I was working in this entry level job as I saw it as my way to delay the inevitable. I wasn't the same when I came back. I became withdrawn and spent most evenings in my room. I hated my parents and the world for everything that happened to me.

My parents became more controlling and they were checking my every movement. They would snoop on my phone and I was unable to leave the house without their approval. My life was beginning to become more constrained and the pressure on me was unbearable.

The pressure led me to smoke more than usual. My parents hated that I smoked as they both said I was killing myself. The more pressure I felt the more need I felt for that nicotine rush.

The job was relatively easy and I enjoyed being away from my parents and the home so I did not have to think about what had happened.

I was given 1 smoking break in the day. I always timed it at 4.00pm just before I was due to leave as I found it difficult to smoke at home. My parents would pick me up and drop me off and they would confiscate my cigarettes if they found them on my belongings or saw me smoking.

At work the smokers had to make their way outside and smoke under a sheltered area as smoking was banned indoors in public places. Everyone took their smoking breaks earlier and I enjoyed having the area to myself.

It was around the second week I was there that I noticed Henry also take his take break at the same time. It was strange because I usually had this time alone and I had never noticed anyone take a break this late. We always exchanged pleasantries but when I smoked he would gaze at me and it sent chills down my spine.

We talked more as the weeks went on. I got to know that he was 52, divorced and lived on his own not too far from my house. I was withdrawn and did not talk to anyone in the office usually but in these 15 minutes while enjoying a smooth cigarette I could just relax. I kept myself from opening up about my circumstances.

There was something in the way that he looked at me that really made me uncomfortable and nervous.

It was a cold and rainy day but the cravings were always too strong. No matter the weather I needed my cigarette like clockwork. I was hiding under the collars of my coat as I smoked under the shelter. Henry soon joined me. He looked at me the way he usually does and it gave me the creeps. He then said, "Hey Anjali. Do you know who you remind me of?"

I wasn't really in the mood but I thought there is no harm in entertaining him, "Go on then. Who?"

He looked me up and down taking me in, "Princess Jasmine."

I laughed so hard at what he said. It was probably the first time I smiled or laughed since coming back from India, "I remind you of a cartoon?"

He said, "I always had a crush on Princess Jasmine. But when I look at your silky hair and your sexy curves you just remind me of her."

Oh god he had to go there. I just smiled and brushed off the comment. He was creepy and super old but the comment was nice to hear. I had put on a lot of weight and my self-esteem was at an all-time low.

I finished up my cigarette and made my way inside. We often just smoked in silence but it was nice to have the company and not having to make small talk. He was also the only person that went out of his way to make an effort with me. I was the only non-white person in the office and I often felt I did not fit in. I did not help myself as I was withdrawn and never wanted to be involved with the others.

It was a Friday and I went out for my cigarette break. When I got out I went to reach for my packet but it was not there. I searched my bag inside out. I knew what had happened. My mother had thrown out my cigarettes again. I was unable to smoke at home as my time was so tightly constrained. This was my only free time to smoke and I groaned in frustration.

I heard Henry behind me, "Is everything ok, darling?"

I turned to him and asked, "I don't have any cigarettes. Do you have one spare?"

He tapped his packet and said, "Well I have one left. Do you want to share it?"

I rolled my eyes thinking what a creep but I agreed as I needed my nicotine kick.

He put it between my lips taking me by surprise and then lit it. I took a deep drag on the cigarette. I was wearing a light pink shade of lip stick I could see the lip stick stain on the cigarette.

He took it from my hands, our hands lightly touching and rolled it between his fingers. He then deliberately placed his lips over my lip stick stains on the cigarette.

It sent a shiver down my spine as I saw him do this. I did not know if it was because I was creeped out by it or because of something else. He seemed to be getting a perverse enjoyment out of this.

I took another deep drag. The rush felt so amazing and knowing that he had also been smoking from the same cigarette gave me a stronger rush.

We repeated this until the cigarette was finished. Our hands touching every time we passed the cigarette between us. I had never felt anything like this before.

The weekend seemed to last forever and I could not wait to return to work on Monday. I arrived early at work on Monday and this gave the chance to buy cigarettes. I needed that rush again. Henry joined me for my cigarette break and we did not talk much but for exchanging pleasantries.

After work my mother picked me up. She was irate. She said that she had just had a call from my mother in law and that she had to be told that I had not spoken to my husband in over 2 months.

I became frustrated and blurted out, "He is not my husband. He is my rapist."

My mother stopped the car and slapped me so hard that I had a red mark on my face. She said, "You do not speak about your husband in that way."

She then reached into my bag and picked up my cigarettes throwing them out of the window.

The next day I arrived early at work to buy cigarettes. I had to think of a way of keeping them from her. I went through my purse and my money was missing. My mother was driving me crazy.

I waited for my cigarette break more anxious than ever. I was hoping that Henry would join me as I needed a cigarette desperately.

I went for my break and waited for Henry to my relief he turned up a minute later. I asked in my sweetest voice, "Henry, do you have a spare cigarette?"

He tapped his packet and offered a cigarette but as I went to take it he pulled it away. He then said, "Will you do something for me first?"

I was nervous and I knew this could not be anything good, but I desperately needed to smoke, "What is it?"

He said "Can I have a kiss with Princess Jasmine?"

I recoiled at the thought, "What do you mean?"

He played it down, "Just a little peck on the lips?"

I saw the cigarette and a little peck could do no harm, "Just a little peck?"

He crossed his heart and said, "Just a peck. I promise."

He came in front of me closing the gap between us. I closed my eyes turning away slightly and pursed my lips. He then locked me into a kiss. It was a full on kiss our lips intertwined and our hips locked together.

He thrust his tongue into my mouth and groped my ass. I could feel his hard cock pressed against my stomach. I pushed him off and said, "Fuck off, pervert."

He looked at me and smiled offering me the cigarette, "You earned it."

I wished I had more dignity but I took it and he even lit it for me.

I smoked in silence as he stared at me. Every time he saw me glance at him he would lick his lips.

He gave me the creeps but there was something in the way he looked at me that made me want more.

That night I called my husband. I pretended to be the perfect wife and my mother returned my money. The next morning I was able to buy cigarettes and not have to worry about Henry.

The cigarettes themselves did not give the same rush. Henry was watching me smoke and I asked him, "Do you have a crush on all the young girls that work here?"

I don't know why I was asking. He was a creep that groped my ass and forced his tongue down my throat. He looked me up and down and said, "I have been divorced 4 years. But you are the only girl that I have had a crush on. You are Princess Jasmine after all."

He had a creepy charm, "Whatever."

He looked at me and said, "Trust me you are so beautiful. I would love to see you in a dress like Jasmine with your midriff on show."

I laughed thinking he may enjoy seeing me in a sari, "Why did you kiss me like that yesterday?"

He said, "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it?"

I said defiantly, "I certainly did not."

He said cheekily, "It takes two to tango. Your lips were doing as much work as mine."

As luck would have it my cigarette had finished and stubbed it out and walked off.

Was he right? Was I enjoying it and kissing him back?

The more I thought about the more I could not get his kiss out of my head and I craved it as much as the cigarettes.

It was Friday and the weekend was approaching. My cravings were stronger than ever. I still had a couple of cigarettes but my mind was elsewhere and I wondered what Henry would ask for if I asked for a cigarette.

Henry was waiting for me at the shelter. He was talking to another colleague from the office, Sarah. She was one of the managers. She was just finishing her cigarette and greeted me before leaving.

I asked him after she left, "So you came out early? Is she your new Princess Jasmine?"

He looked at me, "No need to be jealous. She was just finishing up when I got here. You know I only have eyes for you."

I then asked, "Do you have a cigarette I can have?"

I was acting jealous and now I was asking for a cigarette knowing full well the likely trade off. He smiled at me and said, "I do have one but I need ask you for something."

I acted reluctant, "What do you want?"

He said, "Open the top 3 buttons of your blouse. I just want to see what bra you are wearing."

I protested, "But what if someone walks in."

He reassured me, "Everyone has had their cigarette break. It is just the two of us."

I reluctantly opened the top button and then the second and third button. My bra was now in plain sight. He lit a cigarette and placed it into my mouth.

He looked intently at my bra. It was a white cotton bra patterned with red hearts and I could see him drink me in as I smoked. I felt more sexual than ever before. As I continued to smoke he opened up the flaps of my blouse and began to take in my bra covered breasts.

The sexual thrill in smoking and exposing was driving me crazy. He then whispered into my ear, "I want to cum on your tits."

I took a longer drag needing a bigger hit of nicotine. The whole situation with Henry was driving me crazy. He began poking my breasts through the bra. He sought out my nipples and began flicking them over the bra.

I finished my cigarette and pulled my blouse together and buttoned up before leaving. I had to stop this before it went any further.

My nipples were stiff and harder than I had ever seen them before. He knew how turned on I was from the state of my nipples.

I was in a daze all weekend thinking about Henry. I kept up the pretence with my mother and called my in laws. But all I wanted was to be in that smoking shelter with Henry.

It was finally Monday and I could not wait to be back in work. It was midway through the afternoon and Henry came up to me. This was strange. We only ever talked in the smoking shelter. He said, "I am parked at the far end of the car park near the big tree. It is red BMW. We can smoke in my car today."

I went to the car for my break. I sheepishly made my way over not wanting to be seen by any of the other employees.

I quickly opened the passenger door and got in. I ducked down to not be seen. He said, "Just relax. They are screened windows so nobody can see in."

I relaxed a little in my seat. He then pulled out a rolled up cigarette. He said, "Have you ever smoked a rolled cigarette before?"

I said, "I have smoked before at University. But that was a joint."

He laughed, "Well if you lift up your skirt. I will let you smoke this and maybe next time I will bring the weed."

This little game was going further each time and I wondered how far I would let it go before I put an end to it. I was wearing thick black tights. I wore them to keep warm so I was not too worried about what he would see as they were dark and went high on my waist.

The game was giving me a sexual thrill and it was an escape from problems in my life.

I bunched up my skirt to the top of my thighs. He was looking at me intently and said, "Higher. Show me your cute panties."

I was getting nervous but I raised it higher. He then said, "Very nice. Do you always wear cute underwear?"

I was wearing white cotton panties with flowers on. I was surprised at how he could see with my tights on. He lit the rolled up cigarette and passed it to me. I said, "These are just the type of panties I like to wear. I find them comfortable."

He was looking intently between my legs and I knew I was getting wet. I had never received attention like this before. He added, "I like the patterns you have on your underwear. They are very cute. You must want them to be seen as they do not add anything to your comfort."

I felt slightly ashamed and crossed my legs. He undid his belt and pulled down his trousers and boxers. His cock was so hard and I took a deep drag as I took it in. As I let out the smoke I inadvertently blew it on his cock covering it in smoke.

He said, "I have been rock hard since the first day I saw you. Every time I watch you smoke I find it so irresistibly sexy. I want you to see what you do to me."

The head was already letting out pre-cum. In that moment all I could think about was the cigarette between my lips and that hard cock. I didn't think about how old he was or that he had a fat belly or his pathetic comb over. All I was thinking about was his cock.

I felt his hands on my thighs running up and down my legs. He commented, "You have sexy legs."

The potency of the nicotine seemed stronger in this rolled up cigarette and it was making me light headed.

His hands were working up to the top of my thighs and I took deeper drags as he inched closer to between my legs. I instinctively opened my legs to give him easier access. He took the invitation and began to rub between my legs.

It felt so good and I moaned as I exhaled the smoke. I was getting so turned and his touch was gentle and firm at the same time. He seemed to be so good with his fingers. He began to gently circle my clit and my moans became louder.

The cigarette was between my fingers as the sensations took over. I leaned back in my seat and opened my legs wider apart raising my feet onto the seat.

His rubbing became harder and he pressed hard against my clit. The sensations were driving me crazy and I was panting like a slut.

He then said, "Cum for me, Princess Slut."

I came hard and not like I had ever done before. The orgasm was so strong it felt like my eyes rolled into the back of my head. It took a while for me to regain my composure. He then pointed to the seat and I had soaked the seat with cum. My tights were completely soaked, "You really are a horny slut."

I felt ashamed. I stubbed out the cigarette and rearranged my skirt before leaving. Before I could close the door he said, "Same place. Same time. Tomorrow."

Despite my feeling of shame I knew I would be back.