A Wee of Awaening

Author's Note: Sleep paralysis is a real phenomenon, and it can be frightening for someone to experience sleep paralysis when they know nothing about it. Should you experience sleep paralysis, a reasonably effective way to break the paralysis is to focus on moving your eyes first, and then your little fingers. In this story, liberties have been taken with the depiction of both sleep paralysis and hypnosis. All characters are entirely fictional, and the author does not condone their actions.

Monday

Alice's eyes brimmed with tears as she repeated her question. "What's wrong with me?'

"Nothing's wrong with you," Dr. Burrows, her therapist, hastened to assure her. "What you described sounds like sleep paralysis. It's an unusual condition, and definitely scary if you're experiencing it for the first time, but I can assure you it's not connected to any physical illness or disease."

Being told that what had happened wasn't a symptom of a physical problem reassured Alice slightly, but her dark brow remained furrowed. "The worst part was how scary it felt, waking up unable to move... In fact, I've had to take sleeping pills the past couple of nights – I felt too scared to fall asleep otherwise."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Dr. Burrows replied. "Remember how your nightmares became a lot less frequent when you stopped taking sleeping pills?"

"Yes, but right now I feel like I'd rather have more nightmares than experience that again – that 'sleeping paralysis'. I'm not lying, it was truly horrible... please, isn't there some way I can stop it happening again?"

Dr. Burrows bit his lip in thought, as he looked across at his client. Alice was a 28-year-old Singaporean woman. She'd been visiting him once a week for the past month, to work through some issues around her relationship with her parents. With her long, dark hair, her shapely body, and her equally appealing face, she'd made a striking first impression on him. Now that same face was screwed up in tension, as she looked to him for help.

"It's possible, I suppose, that this recent experience might be connected with the difficult memories we've been exploring in your counselling sessions. Certainly, there's strong evidence to suggest that related phenomena, such as sleepwalking, are triggered by psychological factors. The fact that this episode of sleep paralysis happened on Friday night, after our regular counselling session, is a further indication that it might be connected."

"So... I should stop having counselling? Is that what you're saying?"

"No, no, I didn't mean that," he replied. "Quite the opposite, in fact. If the two things are connected, then even though you're not consciously aware of why that's the case, subconsciously your mind

does

know. And if that's so... I can help you."

Alice's face lifted, her eyes filled with hope. "You can? How? I mean, if I don't know why my mind's doing this to me, how can you find out?"

"What do you know about hypnosis, Alice?" Dr. Burrows asked.

"Not much... I did go to a hypnotist's stage show with a couple of friends once. It was pretty funny seeing how the volunteers would behave crazily just from being told to. One of them thought he was a dog and went round sniffing the other volunteers' legs!"

"Well, stage hypnotism is just one use of hypnosis. It's also a powerful tool for therapy. It lets the therapist talk directly with the client's subconscious mind. For some issues, and with some clients, it can produce surprisingly effective and rapid results. I think it would be an appropriate technique for me to use with you now – with your permission, of course."

Alice looked thoughtful. "If you think it'll help... I guess we can try. I really do want to make sure I don't have more nightmares, I mean, sleep paralysis, like this last one." She shuddered at the memory of it.

"Talking of the nightmares, if this works to cure the sleep paralysis, it should probably help with your nightmares too. And in case you're worried I'll make you pretend to be a chicken or something, I want to reassure you that all our sessions are recorded. You're welcome to check the tape afterwards if you wish. But actually, you'll probably remember what we do. Hypnosis isn't quite as all-powerful and mysterious as it's usually portrayed to be. And it certainly can't be used to make anyone do something that they truly don't want to do."

Dr. Burrows invited Alice to get comfortable. He told her that this first time, since they only had half an hour left in the session, he would hypnotise her just to get her familiar with the process, in preparation for doing the therapeutic hypnosis the following day.

"3, 2, 1... and you're back in the room now, opening your eyes, feeling refreshed and relaxed. There, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Alice shook the remaining blurriness from her mind. She didn't remember what exactly Dr. Burrows had been murmuring to her, but she did remember sitting in the chair throughout. It had felt as though she had been drifting off to sleep: she'd been aware of where she was and of what was happening, but as a relaxed, background awareness. She left Dr. Burrow's office feeling optimistic that the following day's session would produce the results she hoped for.

*

Tuesday

"Alice, what's wrong? Please, sit down, tell me about it."

Alice collapsed into the armchair and burst into tears. "It happened again this morning... oh, God, I hate it! You have to help me!"

"Tell me what happened, Alice," Dr. Burrows replied soothingly, his pen in his hand as he listened closely.

"It was the same as last time... I woke up and I couldn't move... just couldn't move. The more I tried to move, the scarier it became that my body just wouldn't respond to me. By the time I was able to move at last, I was sweating all over from the fright of it. The weirdest thing was, I could remember what you'd told me about it, but I still couldn't move. I thought knowing what it is would mean it wouldn't happen anymore." She looked quizzically at her therapist.

"It's knowing what

causes

it that will free you from it," he replied, "and that's what we're going to start working on today. I should warn you though: we may need more than one session to get to the bottom of this. And there's a chance that you might experience more episodes of sleep paralysis until we complete the hypnosis. It could get worse before it gets better."

"More! I don't want more; I don't want this to happen to me any more at all! Ever!" Alice screamed, fear and frustration welling up inside her.

"Hey, hey..." Dr. Burrows reassured her, "This might be a tough week for you, I admit, but by the end of it, you'll have no more sleep paralysis episodes... ever." He smiled. "Doesn't that feel good to look forward to?'

"You're right, I guess," Alice sighed. "If I don't tackle it now, it'll just keep happening. Okay... let's get started, I guess. The sooner you can cure me, the better."

The memories from the second hypnosis session were much like those from the first, although Alice could remember she'd talked more this time. Afterwards, Dr. Burrows told her that they were making good progress. She hoped that she'd sleep better that night, but as she left her therapist's office, his warning echoed in her mind.

"It could get worse before it gets better..."

*

Wednesday

Alice stormed into the counselling room, and stood by the window, gazing out with unseeing eyes as she quivered with fear and anger. Dr. Burrows said nothing, giving her the space she needed. After three minutes, Alice burst into tears. He walked over to her, then, and let her lean against him as she sobbed. The difference in height – he was six foot two, six inches or so taller than her – meant that her tears wetted his shirt as she leant her head against his chest.

After a few more minutes, she regained her composure. She stepped away from him to blow her nose, and smiled weakly at him. "Thanks for the hug, Dr. Burrows, I needed that."

"You're welcome. So... I'm guessing it wasn't the best night's sleep?" he enquired gently.

"Oh, God, it's just getting worse each time! This time, I couldn't move, again, but it was more than that... I..." she broke off, and gazed down at her feet. Dr. Burrows sat silently, allowing her to choose whether to continue. When Alice spoke again, her voice was faint, her face reddening as she explained what had happened.

"I... my body... even though I couldn't move, I didn't feel numb... I could still feel my body. That was the same the other times, too, but this time... I... I felt... sensations... my, um, my breasts... and my... it felt like my body was..." She looked down at the floor again, embarrassed. "It felt like my body was becoming aroused."

"You felt like you were becoming aroused?" Dr. Burrows echoed.

"Not

me

. My

body

. My mind – I – I felt separate, like an onlooker. I couldn't move. I couldn't control what was happening. I was really freaked out by it, it was like my body was betraying me."

"How long did this go on for, Alice?"

"I don't know how long – it felt like forever, but that was probably because I was so desperate to free myself, to move again. I think I must have fainted or fallen asleep at some point. When I woke up again, I was finally able to move. I was covered in sweat, my muscles aching, I guess from trying so hard to make myself move... and uhh... my umm, nipples, felt sensitive... and umm... I... I could feel I'd become, uh, you know... wet..."

Dr. Burrows paused before replying, as he considered what she was telling him. "Alice... I understand how upsetting that experience must have been for you. I admire the courage you're showing in talking about it right now. I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. But, I think, this is actually a step forward."

Startled, Alice glanced at him in disbelief, but saw only sincerity in his blue-eyed gaze. "A step forward? What- what do you mean?" she stammered.

"Well, Alice, what we do – or what happens to us – can have a symbolic meaning as well as a literal one. In this case, there's a symbolism to your experience that fits closely with something that came up in the last hypnosis session. That strongly suggests that we're on the right track."

"So, how do you interpret what happened to me?" Alice asked.

"It's connected to your inner fears. In our earlier sessions together, you've told me about how your mother has remained married to your father, despite him treating her badly. Your experience of their relationship, it seems, has left you feeling fearful that you might end up like your mother. You have a fear of letting yourself be trapped in a bad relationship – or life situation in general... you're scared that, like your mother, you'll lack the strength to break free.

"I know we touched on that already in the session we had just before your first episode of sleep paralysis, last Friday. It may well have been discussing those fears that triggered the sleep paralysis. Your inability to move when you wake metaphorically mirrors – symbolises – your fears of getting stuck in a bad relationship like your mother has."

Alice thought about her therapist's remarks. They did make some sense. "So... if that's true... what about the, um, the..."

"The fact that your body felt aroused in this last episode? Don't be embarrassed, please. I think it's related to something that came up in our last hypnosis session. We explored your feelings surrounding your fears in some depth, and you revealed that becoming trapped is only part of the fear you have about this issue.

"Another facet to your fear – and this would also go some way to explaining some of the complexities in your relationship with your mother – is that you fear not just being unable to free yourself, but

not wanting

to free yourself. You fear that some part of you will actually

want

to be in a bad relationship.

"You've seen that in your mother, how she doesn't just put up with your father's behaviour towards her out of fear and weakness, but sometimes actually seems to accept it, to be

happy

to stay stuck in that relationship. Your body was acting out that fear of yours by becoming aroused while you were unable to move."

"Wow..." Alice replied, as his explanation resonated with her. She sat in thoughtful silence.

Dr. Burrows went on to tell her that the perfect fit of the symbolic interpretation of her sleep paralysis with the fears she'd expressed to him under hypnosis made him sure that they'd hit upon the cause of her nightmares and sleep paralysis.

"And we're also very close to relieving it. I mean, I can't make your fears disappear overnight, but I can encourage your subconscious mind to find healthier ways of dealing with them. Basically, I'll redirect your subconscious, so that when those fears come up again, it finds a way to handle them calmly. That should end the sleep problems. And over time, through our normal counselling sessions, we can work on erasing those fears completely."

Alice smiled in relief. The end was in sight. After Dr. Burrows hypnotised her and helped her subconscious find better ways to handle her fears – "I'm pretty sure we were successful; your subconscious is as smart as you are," he smiled at her afterwards – she left the session feeling infinitely better than when she'd arrived.

*

Thursday

"Hey, Alice. What a nice surprise to see you arrive with a smile today. I take it you slept well?"

"Not perfectly – but yeah, a lot better!" Alice said, as she stepped into the counselling room. "I didn't have the sleep paralysis... that was such a relief, Dr. Burrows, I was so glad not to have to go through that again."

"That's great, Alice! It sounds as though that last hypnosis session did the trick."

"Well... I don't know. I did wake up feeling pretty sore all over. Especially on my, uh, breasts and inside me. Well, umm, actually, inside both holes... It was weird to wake up feeling like that. It's like how I felt after the sleep paralysis last time. But, this time I didn't have the sleep paralysis... so why did still feel the same aches when I woke?" she asked, frowning.

Dr. Burrows nodded. "I'm not altogether surprised by this. Remember, you are still subconsciously working on the issues we talked about last session. Your body will still symbolically play out those fears at times.

"The good thing is, the fact that you didn't wake shows that your subconscious is now better able to handle those fears. In effect, you still have the sleep paralysis, but now it's happening when you're asleep, so you don't have to cope with it consciously. Your subconscious does all the hard work for you.

"Until your fears go away completely, you should probably expect to wake feeling like this, from time to time. It will happen less often as your fears diminish. The good news is, whenever you wake like this, it's a sign that your subconscious has successfully managed to deal with your fears, that night.

"While waking feeling sore in this way might not be much fun physically, you should take a good deal of comfort from it psychologically. Of course, we'll continue to work on your issues in your normal counselling sessions, and things should improve over time, though it may take a while. First we have to work on developing the relationship skills and self-confidence that will finally give you the self-belief that allows you to let go of your fears of getting trapped, or allowing yourself to stay trapped, in bad relationships or situations."

"Well, I hope I work through that next step quickly, but at least these aches and pains are something I can cope with," Alice said. "They're just annoying and uncomfortable, not terrifying like the sleep paralysis was. I'm so glad that's over."

"I'm glad for you, too, Alice. Going forward, I suggest we resume our weekly sessions, to work on those issues. But I'd like you to call me tomorrow, just to let me know how you slept. I'll keep this time slot free tomorrow in case you do need to come in again. For now, though, you can go away today giving yourself a lot of credit. You've come a long way in these past few sessions. You should send your subconscious a thank-you card!"

Alice laughed at the therapist's joke, and then laughed again to hear the sound of her laughter. For the first time that week, her voice sounded bright and lively.

*

Friday

"Hello, Dr. Burrows? It's Alice here. Yep... no... No, I slept totally fine last night. Not even any aches this morning. I feel great! No, I'm fine, I don't need to come in today. I'll come in for my normal session next Friday. ... Thanks. Yes, I will call if I suffer the sleep paralysis again. But somehow, I don't think I will. You really seem to have cured it – thanks again, I'm so grateful to you! ...Yeah, okay... Enjoy your weekend, too. See you on Friday."

*

Saturday

Frozen

. Alice knew it as soon as she woke. Though her eyes were shut, she could tell was still dark – sometime deep in the night – and she'd woken up, and she couldn't move.

Sleep paralysis

, she thought, and started to feel scared.

Then she realised someone's hand was touching her arm, and scared turned into terrified. She tried to force her eyes open, but she couldn't. She felt the intruder's hands move down to the hem of her nightshirt, sliding it up her body. She could feel the soft material brush over her nipples, and tried in vain to turn away, to hide, as her breasts were exposed to his view.

The intruder moved away from the bed, and Alice heard a quiet click as he turned the light on. Footsteps... then his weight on the bed again, and Alice was powerless to resist as he spread her legs apart. She felt so exposed, knowing her pussy was in full view of this stranger. Then he pulled her nightshirt over her limp arms, and she was left totally naked. In the momentary pause that followed she flushed, her body tingling as she imagined the intruder's eyes running over her smooth, coffee-coloured skin.

The intruder leant closer, breathing on her ear, her neck, taunting her with his closeness, knowing she couldn't move away. She was horrified that she couldn't even control her lips, feeling his lips brush and ripple on hers as he kissed her. He slowly parted her lips with his tongue, sliding it into her mouth.

If only I could move, I'd bite his tongue off!

She thought to herself.

But... how does he know I can't move

?

Then she realised who was with her. If she could have, she would have shaken with the shock of the realisation.

Oh, God, not him, surely?

As if he could read her thoughts, Dr. Burrows spoke for the first time. "Knowing that a woman as beautiful as you would be lying here in bed, paralysed, totally helpless, at some point tonight... how could any healthy, hungry man resist an invitation like that?"

He started to kiss from her mouth onto her neck... "It's a funny thing, sleep paralysis. It tends to be a very rare occurrence. Highly unusual for individuals to experience it two or more nights in a row... but what's also interesting about it is that it indicates a high degree of hypnotic suggestibility. I took advantage of that... hypnotised you into experiencing it on the nights I told you to... gave your body the hypnotic suggestion that you would easily become aroused at these times...

"Once I was sure you were responding to my suggestions exactly as I'd planned, and I'd found out from you under hypnosis where you keep your spare house key, all that was left for me to do was to simply chose when to take advantage of you. And I chose tonight."

Dr. Burrows' lips returned to Alice's neck, and despite her terror and rage, she could feel her body respond as he licked and sucked. The tingles grew more vivid when his mouth journeyed further and found the top of her breasts, teasingly licking the sides of them. He nuzzled his lips against her soft breasts, kissing and licking his way up them, until his tongue-tip flickered against her right nipple.