06

I encourage anyone picking up this story now to return to previous chapters. These are not meant to stand alone.

Happy reading!

*

She was lying on her back in a field. Blades of grass and small wild flower tickled her skin as they swayed in the soft breezes. An impossibly blue sky opened up above her. She closed her eyes, feeling the sun on her face.

"This is nice." The god's voice came from next to her. She turned her head and opened her eyes to find him lying in the grass next to her. She almost laughed.

"How casual of you to be down in the dirt with me." Her voice barely covered the giggle that threatened to break through.

The god cracked a smile, rolled on his side and stuck a daisy stem between his teeth. "Ay, ye wee lass, as they do say, from whence we came so shall we return," he adopted a northern drawl and quoted the dark god's promise to her, a mockery of the famous northern priests. Anna couldn't take it and broke out into a full laugh at this ludicrous notion that a god was teasing her in the middle of a sunny field. She must have lost her mind.

"I've gone mad," she gasped.

"Happiness is surely the first sign of it," his voice was falsely grave. "Terrible for one so young."

Anna laughed again. Suddenly she stopped and sat up, looking out into the dream's infinite horizon.

"I've made a terrible mistake," she said, remembering.

"Perhaps not," the god said, sitting up next to her. "Perhaps the boy will surprise you."

Anna felt a knot tighten in her throat. "He fears me now, or worse. He will have left me in the dirt."

"You might be better off alone."

Anna shook her head again, tears pricking her eyes. "I don't want to be alone. Alone I am tormented with thoughts of all I've seen, haunted by my own deeds, filled with silence and rage. He also bears my burden, but so lightly. It hasn't blackened his soul as it has mine. I can save him from that. I have to. And in return he can share his light with me."

The god's arm wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her into an embrace. He lifted her face to his. "You are light. Sadness and anger might shade you now but underneath it you too are all light." His lips met hers softly and she let him pull her into the kiss, allowing herself a moment of reprieve.

A familiar pain blossomed in her gut as she struggled back to awareness. She was lying across a saddle, her legs on one side of the horse and her head and arms off the other. The pain radiated out, announcing that she had been in that position for a long time. She groaned loudly as she came to full, head throbbing consciousness. She squeezed her eyes closed.

The horse stopped and she felt someone pull off the ropes that bound her in place. Her body was swung up to someone's shoulder, the pain tripling from the relatively narrow area now bearing her weight. Her head felt thick with too much blood. A moment later she was on the ground and strong arms were propping her against a tree. She opened her eyes as far as she could without searing pain, only to find a blurry form moving away from her.

She closed her eyes again, feeling inside to the dark fire at her center. It had restored itself. She grabbed a bit, washing it through her system, ridding herself of the lingering weakness and soreness that tugged at her body. When she opened her eyes again she saw Dev before her, his face unreadable. She opened her mouth to speak but her dry throat wouldn't work.

He held out a water skin towards her, dropping it as soon as her fingers touched it. She tried not to wince at his action and took a deep drink.

"How long?" she croaked.

"All yesterday and this morning." His tone was short.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For not leaving me."

Dev eyed her suspiciously for a long moment. "What did you put in me?"

"I had to heal your body with magic. You'd lost a lot of blood. The magic replaced it until your body does its work."

"Can you take it out again?" he sounded strained.

Anna had trouble meeting his eye. "I wouldn't recommend it. You will not feel well on your own."

"I feel worse now. Like there are ants crawling on the inside of my skin. I want you to take it out." A bit of the scared boy edged into his voice. She knew how he felt.

"I know it feels strange. Rein it in; make it work for you. It will be gone in a few days."

"No!" he snapped at her. "Take it out now!"

Anna's eyes flashed with fury as she looked up at him. "Get a hold of yourself. I can't stay here and nurse you till you feel well enough to move around again."

"I just dragged your unconscious body around for nearly two days and you are going to threaten to leave

me

behind?"

She groaned as she got to her feet. Even at her unusual height, she still had to look up to Dev's furious face.

"You would have died there and then had I not done what I did. I'm grateful you didn't leave me behind out of fear of my magic, but don't you dare order me around and snipe at me after I very well saved your life. Again."

Dev looked properly abashed but still prickly. "It feels like fire."

"It is fire," she sighed. "Clamp down on the feeling; rule the fire."

"Is that what you do?" he asked cautiously, his anger dropped out of his voice.

Anna put her hand to her pounding head. "I don't want to talk about that." She was exhausted. She needed food and sleep.

Dev's voice sharpened again. "How can you expect me not to ask what you are? How you do what you did? People don't just wander around throwing spells around. You froze those men in place. They couldn't move at all. One died of his wounds and still his body hung there. How could you possibly be so powerful, if you are who you say you are?"

Anna's head snapped up. She reached out and grabbed Dev's arms, her fingers digging into the muscles in his forearm. "What did you say?"

His shocked eyes looked from her hand to her face. "What?" he managed to stutter.

"About the men. You said one of them died?" Her heart was pounding. She had forgotten! She had taken two lives and barely noticed.

"One of the men you shot with an arrow started bleeding from the wound. I went back to the camp to check to make sure I hadn't gone mad. I saw him die and still his body stayed in place. Your magic did that."

"Oh dear gods. Two of them. The other man, I shot him in the throat. He was about to bring the sword down. I didn't think. I shot him in the neck. Then I left them trapped and the other one died. It's still my fault." She was muttering almost to herself but she kept her grip on Dev. Fear battered her thin defenses. She was exhausted and starving and incapable of dealing with the thought of more pain.

"Anna, what are you talking about?" Dev's voice was still fearful but also concerned. Her tear-bright eyes met his soft hazel ones. For a moment she wanted to tell him everything, to tell him how she sold her soul, how the god had come to punish her, how she couldn't kill them, how she didn't want to kill them anymore. But there were other parts of the story she couldn't tell him. And she knew even then that she couldn't seek comfort with him.

She tore her eyes away from his and released his arm. Stumbling away from him. "I just shouldn't have done that. I made a mistake."

"Shouldn't have done what? Anna, what is going on? Can't you tell me?" Dev stepped towards her. All the fear was gone, he was still her companion, still concerned about her. She supposed her shaking, teary self was no longer as terrifying as he had no doubt imagined her to be.

"I'm sorry, I need to sleep." Anna felt cold with exhaustion. She tried to still the tremors that ran through her with no luck. Dev's hand came down softly on the back of her shoulder. She wanted to shake him off but for a moment she let his hand rest there until she began to shiver again and she pulled away. "Please, can I sleep here? Are we far enough off the road?" She couldn't turn around and face him.

"Yeah, Anna. I'll get a fire started." She knew there would still be questions when she woke up. Maybe she would have some answers for him. Moments later she was wrapped in the cocoon of her bedroll and Dev was starting a fire. He tried to wake her to feed her but she would not be moved. Dev settled on the far side of the fire, looking at the lump of cloth that contained her form, wondering what in the world was going on.

*

It was dawn when she woke up, the world was grey and the forest around her was waking up. She shivered, sitting up and looking around for her bedroll. Had she thrown it off somehow? Where was the fire? She realized, as the cobwebs cleared, that she was alone and she didn't recognize the wood around her. Had he left? And taken everything? Would he do that to her?

Her answer appeared at her side. She looked up at the god's face and her stomach dropped. He was furious. She hadn't thought he could express emotions that intense. She slowly got to her feet and faced him, her eyes still downcast. Silence fell like a weight on her back. She tried not to fidget. She wouldn't be the first to speak.

"I suppose you think I should be lenient because you didn't kill them all?" his voice seemed more cavernous and otherworldly than ever. It was like a blow across her body.

"I didn't think that," she whispered. The thought hadn't occurred to her. He must have known that.

"Do you think so now?"

Anna shook her head. She would take whatever it was that he was going to do to her. Suddenly the thought occurred to her, would he take her now? Was he going to collect on their deal because of what she had done? She hadn't considered that this could be the end of the road for her. A tight feeling of fear gripped her entire body.

No, please, not yet

. She looked up into his face, parting her lips to speak her mind but he silenced her with a look.

"I should. It is a fool who allows this type of persistence in folly." He stopped there, letting the words hang there between them. Anna could not think of words to plead her case, her mind was suddenly clouded entirely by panic. She wasn't ready to go; she still needed more time. What of Dev? He would think she had abandoned him. Did this mean she dies now? Was this the end? What of the men? So many more of them would escape justice.

"But so many of them would escape being murdered by your bumbling and regretfully not be able to participate in the blackening of your soul. And need I remind you that it is my soul now?"

Anna swallowed again; her mouth was dry. She felt hollowed out, like something was eating at her from the inside. She couldn't argue, couldn't beg. All she could do was stand there until he told her what he was going to her.

"You ignored my order also. This body you sold me, while not entirely well fed to begin with, is wasting away. I did not just tell you to eat on a whim. This magic I gave you draws on your energy as well. If you do not feed your body, the magic will consume it. You may not feel hungry but you must eat. You cannot simply restore your health with magic and assume the rest is also taken care of."

Anna hadn't considered this. She looked down at herself. It did seem like these clothes were hanging off of her more than they had been. The trousers Mirabelle had given her were once a bit snug on her feminine hips, having been cut for a narrower male; now she needed a belt to keep them up. The magic was indeed consuming her.

She placed her hand on her chest, trying to rub out the empty feeling there. Everything had gone terribly wrong. She had wanted to avenge her family and now she realized taking the lives of their killers cost her more than it was worth. She was still haunted by their faces as they died, the feeling of their flesh on the other end of her blades. And if her guilt and self-disgust weren't enough, she was to be punished by the god as well, opening her up to new levels of degradation. Now, to make matters worse, the magic she had sold her soul for was actually eating away at her.

Was there no upside to this deal? Had she been tricked into this deal somehow? No, she had wanted revenge, wanted blood. How naïve. She had never even seen a man killed before that horrible day and she had sold herself to be able to do just that. Like a fool, she had never considered that she ultimately wouldn't want to.

Anna raised her eyes to the god's face. He had tried to warn her off of it too. She was such a fool. She felt herself slipping again, back towards that dark place, back to the edge of that darkness she had teetered on so desperately after her family had been killed. He would take her and it would be over, this whole sad silly experiment. She began to close her eyes, to let the tide of nothingness take her away from all of her horrible choices.

The god's hands grasped her upper arms, shaking her.

"Open your eyes." It was a command, but she suddenly found it difficult to care. Not caring lay this blanket over all that was bad and snuffed it out, kept her free of it. The weakness in her body called out to her to give in, to stop fighting.

Leave it

, she thought, letting the darkness close in. The pit was too deep to start climbing out again.

"Anna, open your eyes," this time the voice rang out in her mind, pushing past the fog, jolting her brain back to the present. She complied, looking back up at his face. She had never been this close to him and had the time to actually look at him. Usually she was too wrapped up in what was about to happen or had just happened to actually study the god, Leonid, the one she had sold herself to.

His face was eerily perfect. His skin was much darker than hers and evenly toned as though the sun had no effect on it. His cobalt blue eyes shone out from under thick black brows which arched across his smooth forehead. His nose was straight; his lips wickedly full. She wondered, absentmindedly, if his lips would feel the same if he kissed her as he did in her dreams. She saw the corners curve up in a small smile.

He knew her thoughts! A rush of embarrassment washed over her, breaking her daze. She lowered her eyes and resisted trying to hide her face in her hands despite the grip he still had on her arms. What was wrong with her tonight?

"Stop, Anna," the use of her name still affected her, sending shivers down her spine as if his voice was caressing her skin. "Stop this self-pity and the rest of the nonsense."

She felt stung. Was she letting herself get pulled under? Wasn't she just getting tired of trying to be strong when she wasn't? When it was all just false bravado backed up by magic, magic which she had so little control over that it was actually devouring her?

"You are not a little girl living under her parents' roof any longer. You wanted to dispense justice. It is more difficult than you thought it would be. Stop feeling bad about your choices and live with them."

It occurred to her that he had never spoken so much to her at one time. "It's a lot to take in all at once." Her voice sounded small. He was right of course. She had told Dev to clamp down, to rule the fire, and here she was letting all of this burn her up. She realized she was leaning into the god's arms, seeking out some sort of comfort from him. She righted herself a little, pulling away. She could not ask and he was not offering.

The weakness in her body made her want to curl up and disappear into the ground. But her mind felt clearer now.

"I'm ready to accept the punishment for my crimes," she said softly, trying to sound stronger than she felt.

"A brave thought, but your body is too weak. We can't punish the unconscious, can we?" He wasn't going to punish her for the lives she took? Or just not yet? Something inside her ached at either thought. She feared the pain but she feared liking it more. She looked back up at him, searching. He was still smiling slightly. "Tomorrow night perhaps. Feed yourself; refrain from magic. I'll come for you when you are ready."

His right hand moved from her arm to her cheek, his thumb running softly over her bottom lip. A shudder went through her that had nothing to do with her hunger. The god's gaze became almost painful with its intensity. Then it was gone, he released her and dropped his other hand. He reached behind her and pulled her bow and quiver into his hand from thin air and held it out to her.

"You'll need this," he said. "Your camp is just through those trees." He gestured towards her left. She nodded and took the bow, noticing he had strung it for her as well. She wanted to ask why but even that seemed like more energy than it was worth.

The god stood there as she moved off towards the direction he had indicated. "Anna," he said softly. She turned back to him. "Your concern for the boy is admirable but don't put yourself in the position of having to kill for him again." Then he was gone as if he'd never been there at all.

She walked numbly back towards the camp, turning over all that he had said, all the things she had felt. Suddenly a great surge of relief burst inside her, rippling out of her throat as a laugh she barely recognized as her own. She had thought she was dead, finished, scooped up by the god and taken from this world to who knows what fate. She had accepted it, given herself up for lost, the same way she had a few weeks before. It felt like years had passed since that day on the tree. And here she was, still here, still with a chance.

The laugh startled a large doe that had wandered close to their camp. The creature launched itself between the trees almost straight at Anna. Her need for the bow became clear and Anna brought the animal down with a single shot. She smiled as she walked towards it. He had told her to eat after all.

"I could use your help," Anna said to Dev's rumpled head as he jerked awake. She was dragging the heavy carcass behind her. He fumbled with his shoes and came over, helping her string the body up on a tree branch.

She sat down heavily when it was done, her weakness catching up with her. Dev looked at her pale face and went to get his hunting knife. "I'll take care of the deer. Eat some of the food I left for you last night." He gestured at her pack. She found a crust of bread and cheese as well as some cold stew. She ate all of it so quickly she barely tasted it. A strange warm feeling settled in her body. How long had she been neglecting it? Days, weeks even. She had barely stopped to eat on the road and she had developed a habit of pushing her magic too hard and ending up unconscious. That would have to stop.

The smell of warm meat cooking brought her focus. Dev was still keeping to the far side of the fire. The sidelong glances let her know he wasn't quite sure yet what to make of all this.

"Why were you at the soldiers' camp that morning?" Anna asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Dev looked like a child caught in the act. "I just went to see if they were moving. I heard them in the morning and you were sleeping so heavily. I wanted to make sure we didn't lose them."

"And they spotted you?"

Dev shifted a little. "I may have made my presence known."

Anna gave him a reproachful look. Dev looked away but his jaw tightened. "You left me behind with that other soldier in the woods. You were going to leave me behind again when you went to these men. You are no older than I and yet you order me back like a child. I had a family before those men came through. I also want to see justice done."

"Did you see justice done?" Anna asked, genuinely curious about how he felt.

"I saw magic done." He was still afraid of it, of her. "I suppose it was punishment. The last man you cursed was condemned to die by the judge in Anthrosen not the day after. But why the magic and the cursing? Why not take their lives as they have taken others?"