It was a fine spring day and I was at home doing a minimal amount of gardening. Just enough to stay ahead of it. Tom's truck pulled into the drive and I quite happily deserted the garden and strolled over to greet him.
Tom had been doing some work on his truck and had needed a few extra tools. Instead of handing out bits and pieces I'd let him take my complete toolbox and he was now returning it as promised.
He piled out of the truck, yelling a greeting, and turned to the tray to grab my toolbox. At least, I think that was his intention. What he actually did was yell fuck in a disgusted voice and just stood there, glaring at the truck.
"Problem?" I asked.
"I forgot to put the toolbox in the back," he sheepishly admitted. "I specifically detoured past here to drop it off and it isn't here. Don't worry. I'll go back and get it."
"On your way to the game, aren't you?" I asked, knowing damned well that he was. He never missed one if it was at all possible.
He gave me a nasty look, acknowledging the fact.
"Well, I'll be up near your place later. I can just as easily swing past and grab the stuff. Just let me know where it is."
"Geez, thanks, Frank. The box will be sitting on the workbench in the garage. Susy will be home. Just give her a hoy and grab the box. If she isn't home for any reason just go into the garage by the side door. We never lock that one. Shit, the only thing worth stealing in there is your box of tools."
"So nice to hear that you're keeping my stuff safe," I observed.
"That's me," he said with a grin. "Conscientious to a fault."
I finished up the bit of gardening I'd been doing and then headed down the street. I swung past the supermarket to grab a few things I needed and then headed over to Tom's place. I pulled into the drive and banged on the front door. No-one answered so I assumed his sister had gone out.
I went down the side of the house and slipped through the gate into the back-yard. I'd heard girls' voices yelling in the yard so I was expecting to find Suzy there with a friend or two. It turned out to be Suzy and a single friend, and they seemed to be playing some sort of game that involved keeping a basketball up in the air. Probably practising for beach volley-ball, I decided.
I leaned against the garage and watched them, enjoying the sight of two nubile young ladies cavorting around, waiting for them to see me and acknowledge my presence. I suspected that my presence might be acknowledged by a couple of loud screams. The reason for this being that for some reason the young ladies were lacking in the clothing department, and I mean totally lacking, as in stark staring naked. At least, they were naked and I was staring.
Suzy's friend finally spotted me and gave a shriek. She then gave another shriek as the basketball bounced off her head because she hadn't been watching it. She promptly did a fan dance without the fans, trying to cover all the interesting bits.
Suzy looked over to see what had disturbed her friend and started giggling. She didn't bother to try to cover anything up.
"Calm down, Nancy," she said between giggles. "It's just Frank. What are you doing here, Frank?"
"I was just standing here watching you play," I said innocently. "I was quite enjoying seeing how the . . . ball . . . bounced about."
"Yeah, I just bet you were," she sniggered. "I mean why are you here?"
"Getting my tool-box," I told her, jerking my thumb towards the garage. Someone forgot to load it onto his truck before coming to see me earlier."
"Fucking idiot," was Suzy's observation. "I guess he was lucky to remember to take the actual truck. Oh, stop carrying on, Nancy. He's been here long enough to see everything you've got and then some. All you're doing is drawing his attention to the parts you don't want him looking at."
"Well, maybe you've forgotten that we're naked and he's a man."
"Stop getting so worked up. Geez, it's just Frank and he's harmless. Tell her you're harmless, Frank."
"It's OK, Nancy, I'm harmless," I obediently told her. "Ah, why am I harmless, Suzy?"
"I've known you for years," she told me. "You've never tried anything."
"True, but for most of those years you weren't eighteen and naked. Might I point out that this is no longer the case? Um, you may have noticed that your friend is also in the eighteen and naked category. I mean, I'd have to be an eunuch to ignore those facts."
She gave me a blistering look and snorted.
"Doesn't matter. I've still known you forever."
"You do realise that most women who get raped are raped by someone they know? As opposed to men who get raped are the victims of their own imagination."
Nancy giggled at that but Suzy just looked irritated.
"Irrelevant," she said, flapping a hand to dismiss the point I was making. "Besides, if you tried to grab one of us the other could run and get help."
"Somehow," I said cautiously, "I fail to see Nancy running for help dressed the way she is. Quite lovely, I admit, but not conducive to a desire to run around in public."
"Then she'd probably grab her phone and call for help," Suzy said, sounding as though she was gritting her teeth.
"I hate to point it out but when I was watching the pair of you I failed to see a phone. I'm pretty sure I would have spotted one if you'd had one as I was looking fairly hard."
Nancy was sniggering and Suzy wasn't looking too pleased. I don't know why, I was just pointing out the facts.
- - -
Stupid Frank was making me look like a fool and Nancy was lapping it up. This was all her fault, anyway. She'd been the one who wanted to get some sun with no tan lines and had pointed out how private we were. Private my
Aunt Fanny. And look at her. First she's squealing and flapping her hands to draw attention to herself and now she's flaunting her nakedness in front of Frank and cackling like a demented hen.
"Whatever," I snapped at him. "We're two to one anyway. If you tried to make a move on either of us we'd gang up and snatch you bald headed."
"You keep telling yourself that," he said smugly. "I probably weigh more than the two of you combined and I'm sure I'm stronger than the two of you."
OK. I'll admit that I was embarrassed to be caught undressed by Frank. I should have just kept my mouth shut and told him to grab his tools and fuck off. Now I was not only embarrassed but pissed off. That's the only excuse that I can give for what happened next. I took a swing at him.
If I'd connected I'd have slapped his face around to the back of his head and see how he'd like that. As it was he just seemed to sway slightly backwards and I missed, spinning around from the force of the swing. Then I gave a short scream as a whacking great hand slapped me on the bottom.
"Temper, temper, Suzy," chided Frank. "I've warned you about staying calm in stressful situations."