A Sunday Night in Deadwood

She was taller than most of the other women in the bar, maybe 5 foot 9 or 10 inches. Her waist was a bit fuller, and her hips a bit narrower to the point that viewed from behind at a distance, she might have been mistaken for a man. Her hip-hugger shorts kept creeping down, and when she bent over, the horizontal tattoo that has become almost obligatory for women her age came into view.

When she turned to look in my direction, there was no doubt that she would be formable sexual partner. Her light brown hair hung to just below her ears and her large dark brown eyes sparkled, almost illuminating her high cheekbones. Her mouth was constantly alternating between an impish grin and the determined look of a Lioness in heat. I watched as she placed her hands on the table, and moved her hips in time with the music and mouthed the unintelligible words that were trying to rise above the blare of the heavy metal band.

I looked at that swaying butt and just for a second thought about finding out how it would look with my penis firmly planted in the groove. But only for a second because I knew that Carol, my close friend and lover might castrate me if she found out. However that would be a minor problem compared to seeing my law practice go into the dumpster because I had made a pass at Candy, who was the best Law Office Administrator in the tri-country area. She was my lifeline and I did not want to risk pissing her off.

Candy turned around and raised her arms in the air to proclaim yet another victory at Foos Ball. The look of joy on her face changed to one of surprise as she looked past me to a man sitting alone at the other end of the bar.

"Hey, Bob, isn't that our client, Donald DeSille."

I look over my shoulder and said " yes, that is him, and we need to talk to him about the young lady he was caught having sex with in Deadwood. The lawyer for the parents, who are perusing the civil suit, is suggesting that the girl might be pregnant."

Candy looked at me and then at him and said " but wait a minute didn't he say that he was sterile, and besides I recall that the incident on the pool table was anal sex."

" You are right about that, and we have it all on tape, but he had apparently been banging this girl all summer, in a variety of ways. What I really need is a sperm sample before I can sit down with the other side and work out a settlement, and I have asked him several times."

Candy blushed for just a moment and then frowned. " Well what is the big deal, I thought you guys enjoyed that sort of thing."

I thought back to a time when my sperm was being harvested on a twice a week basis, and yes, it was a lot of fun. But what I told Candy was that he refuses to give a sperm sample because he is a follower of the Hindu God Shiva and they are against the unnecessary spilling of seed. Apparently since he believes that he is incapable of getting anyone pregnant, it is unnecessary to provide evidence.

Candy stared into her beer for a moment and bit her lip. I had seen that thoughtful pause many times before, so I braced myself for the enviable announcement, profound question, or devastating argument. Whatever it was, it was always worth the wait while she quietly edited her thoughts.

" I can get that sample for you today".

I looked her in the eye, took a deep breath and said; " I can not ask you to do that. It would be a clear case of sexual harassment."

Candy smiled and countered with, " I am not offering to do that for you. I am betting you $50 that I can do it, and you can watch though the one way glass in the Family Room in our office." Then an impish grin came over her face and she added " besides that boy needs a good case of humility. Do you still have those condoms in your desk drawer?"

After I almost spilled my beer, I asked Candy how she found out about the red white and blue condoms that Carol had quietly slipped into my birthday card during an office party last July. Without a hint of embarrassment, Candy smiled and said that Carol had told her about them.

" Carol feels comfortable about your relationship, but since you were only dating, and not actually living together, she said that she would not be pleased but she would understand. However, she made it very clear that since she doesn't know about any of my other partners, she does not want you bringing home any of the history. Oh, here comes Larry, I need to down this beer first. "

I was pondering this new insight of my current relationship with my girl friend and the potential of an office fling, when Larry walked over and sat down. We talked about the civil law suit, and once again I apologized about my role in turning a quiet anal fuck into the cause of his firing from the carnival. He just waved his hand and said that he understood that mistakes happen and that videotape can be a two edged sword. He has a similar tape of his ex-wife and the University Vice Chancellor making out on a couch on U of A's sound stage.

I laughed and said " He was getting a little friendly with faculty wives."

Larry took another sip of his beer and said "no, SHE was, and when I found out, thanks to a student in the University TV Lab, I got a no-fault divorce and suddenly I was on a fast track to tenure."

Just then, Candy piped up and told Larry that she has something he needs to read, and the two of them headed out the back door and over to the side entrance of our office across the parking lot from McRudy's. I headed out the front door and while Candy stalled, pretending to fumble with her keys, I was able to get into the observation room behind the room where estranged parents and children can interact in a safe environment.

I heard her say something about a file, and the two of them came though the door. She bent over to reach the bottom drawer of a cabinet in the room, and the gap between the top of her shorts and hem of her blouse left Larry staring at her tattoo.

Larry let out a whistle and said " what is that. Has Bob seen that?"

Candy looked over her shoulder and said " no, not all of it, and you are in enough trouble already because you like looking at women's butts."

And I thought to myself; That's it, make him work for it.

When Larry started pleading, Candy must have sensed that she had him hooked and she popped the snap on her shorts. Across her back just above the swell of her butt was a colorful tattoo of two fish, kissing at the base of her spine.

Larry blurted out " Those are Koi Carp. But where are the tails?"

Candy looked towards the one way mirror, winked and then slowing pulled her cotton panties to her ankles and stepped out of them. Now Larry and I could see the carp's long flowing tails go down each cheek of her firm butt.

" I did it for an old boy friend. He is from Japan. That cost me five hours on my tummy, and almost two week's salary."

I could see her blush a little when she said " last April; he even did what he called the ritual of kambutsue back there."

"On April 8th, when they celebrate Buddha's Birthday Celebration in Japan?"

Then she grinned and said " yes, but it wasn't quite perfume that baptized my tattoo. He liked to take me from behind. He would place his hands over the fish tails and stare at the spot where the fish lips met, and then chant. Oh, his lovemaking was so long and slow, just like a girl likes it. He went back home almost 6 months ago, but I still get wet just thinking about him."

I could barely hear Larry whisper his offer to recreate that moment for Candy, but her answer was loud and clear. " You are not going to do anything but look until you put on a condom."

What followed was the bizarre scene of a woman naked from the waist down squatting on the carpet and a fully clothed man on his knees talking to her butt. There was a short argument where he claimed that he was sterile and she claimed that sterile had nothing to do with clean. She does not know where it has been and she did not want to find out what might have come along for the ride. But she did agree to let Larry kiss it. Then it really started to get interesting.

Candy told me later that when she felt his hot breath on her butt, she simply backed into his nose. They both fell backwards, and Candy's dripping lips were left hovering a few inches above his face. I was holding my breath now as I watch Larry reach up towards Candy's butt. This is the moment of truth. If he pushes her away, our efforts are dashed and we will be involved in a slow court battle and possibly a paternity suit. If lust wins out, we will get what we need to negotiate a reasonable settlement, or the confidence to go to trial. I exhaled when Larry stuck out his tongue and gently slurps the liquid dripping from Candy's swollen lips.

She yelled out " Oh, My God that feels good" and started clawing at his pants to see the fabled Tower of Babble.

Candy winked at me and pulled a condom out of her blouse pocket, tore off the packet with her teeth and rolled the red white and blue latex on to his very erect penis. I just watched in total awe as her lips quickly sucked in the head covered in red and slowly first the white, and finally most of the blue band disappeared into her mouth. Her head started bobbing up and down, her hair flying, and at the same time she was grinding her hips back and forth across Larry's face.

There was a strange mixture of sounds that accompanied this show. Candy started to hum and every so often Larry pushed her butt off his face and I could hear him chant until his tongue pushed its way back between her lips. Finally, both of their bodies suddenly stiffen up and then everything stopped for just a moment.

He threw his arms back above his head, Candy lifted her butt off his face, and after giving me a thumbs up she pulled the condom off, tied a knot, and threw it into her shoe.

I decided that I had seen it all but when I took one last look I saw Candy open her mouth and form an O, followed by the contented smile of a woman who had just emptied her bladder.

I quietly left while the two of them cleaned up. I was sitting at the bar drinking a beer at McRudy's when Candy and Larry walked in. His shirt was all wet and Candy shook her head and said " Tomorrow morning, I am going to have another talk with the landlord about that drinking fountain."

I pointed to the empty bar stool next to mine and told Larry that the firm had just paid another filing fee for his case and if he would just give Candy $50 and that will take care of it.