A Pup's Life...

So tired. So cold. Did I sleep at all? Don't know. Doesn't matter here, does it? How many days since he took me? he kidnapped me during my family holiday. Must be weeks. Or is it months already? Not sure anymore. What time is it? The Kennel lights are on, but they are always on. The bastard must still be asleep. Oh god, please let him stay asleep for a while longer. At least when he's asleep, I'm being left alone inside my cage. Damn it, called it ''my'' cage again. Don't think like that. Don't let him get inside your head. Think of escaping. But how? If only I wasn't forced to wear these horrible mitts, I would have opened the carabiner clips in an instant. Never thought I would miss using my hands. How those simple things are now impossible to me. I would-

Shit shit shit, I hear the locks on the door. He is coming. Oh god. Head down to the floor. Ass up in the air. Higher. Higher. Wave that damned tail. Oh my, that feels so fucking good. How can that damned rubber plug in my ass feel so good? I'm straight for goodness sake! No, don't think. Thinking means punishment. Just wag. Wag. Wag. Wag. There he is. He is smiling. Yes, that is good. Smiles mean less punishment. Okay. He is coming. Don't move away. Keep still. Let him touch you. Can't stop him anyway. Yes, pet my head. Ruffle my hair. I'm good, see? See how I'm being a good boy, even though I fucking hate you for doing this to me? Oh no. He is opening the cage.

'ASSIS.'

Okay. I know what he wants, even though I don't know what the word means. Crawl out and assume position. Knees wide apart. Mitts on the floor. Arms locked straight. OW! Stop shocking me! I'm doing it! I'm doing it as fast as I can, you asshole! See? This is what you wanted me to do, isn't it? Look how still I'm keeping. Look up at him. Did I do it? Yes, I did. He pets me again. And he is putting on my knee pads. Thank god. That time he forgot, was so painful.

'AU PIED.'

Crawl. Look at his heels in front of me. Not too close. Not to far behind. Ooohhh. That damned plug! It makes it so hard to- OW! Too far behind. Quicker. Please, don't yank so hard. I'm coming. OW! OW! Stop it. Please. I'm a human being! I'm not used to crawl every moment of every day! Okay. Keep focused. Ignore the plug. Ignore the real dogs looking at you from their kennels. Just crawl. Stop. He stopped. He removes the muzzle from my head. Keep still. If only he would take out the ring gag. But he doesn't do that. Does he? No, he leaves it inside my mouth.

'MANGER.'

Come on. You've done this before. Stop hesitating. You know what will happen. It is so wrong. So humiliating. Why did they have to be canine dildos? A human cock would be bad enough. OW! Quickly. Take it in your mouth. Relax your throat damn it! Stop struggling! You've done this every day since the bastard brought you here. It has to go in. It has to. Oh god. It is too big. He must have changed the size of the dildo. It is bigger than before. I can't do it! But I have to. Come on. Only a few more inches. Relax your muscles. There we go. Nose pressed against the button on the feeding station. Keep still. Swallow the spurts of food. Ignore the disgusting taste. Don't think. Just hold. Okay. It stopped. Now slide off it. Take a few long breaths. No tears. Hold them back. Okay. Swallow the dildo again. You got to. You have to.

He is eating a piece of chocolate. Oh my god. I am drooling so much. It looks so tasty. I've not had anything other than the foul gruel since he brought me here. Please give it to me. Please, oh please. Give it to me. Yes. YES! He is giving me a small piece. Oh my god, that tastes so good. Just let it slowly melt on your tongue, so you can enjoy the taste for as long as possible. Yes, yes. You can pet my head too. I was good, wasn't I? I did the debasing feeding ritual, just like you wanted. But...Oh please... Leave the muzzle of my head. I won't shout. I won't yell. Damn it. It is going on. I get no say. No choice whatsoever. OW! Why does he pull the straps so tight? And why does he padlock them? There is no way I can remove them by myself, is there? Wait. Where are we going? Are we going outside?

It is cold on the muddy yard. And the trees' leaves are turning brown. Which means autumn had started. My mum, dad and I had been visiting my older brother's university in Paris in the middle of summer. Have I really been here for three months? Where was the police? Why did they not find me for three whole months? Were they coming at all? No. Stop going down this spiral. You have got to keep going. They were on their way. I'm sure of it.

Okay. Okay. I'm outside for the first time in three months. This is my chance. Let's look around for a way to escape. Damn this short chain. I can't even reach the fence, being leashed to the buried concrete block in the center of the pen. And judging by its height, I wouldn't be able to climb over it, with my legs strapped to my thighs. Maybe I can dig underneath it? But I can't reach the fucking fence. Damn it! Okay. Escaping looks impossible for now. Maybe someone will pass by and I can call for help. Yes. Yes, that is a good plan. I just have to wait. Wait for rescue.

Oh no. No, no, no. He has released the rest of the dogs. I mean, the real dogs. Shit, there they come. And I can't do anything. I can't protect myself. And some of them are even bigger than me! Oh god. Just stay still. Stay still and let them sniff you. Damn it. Stop licking my balls! The glued on cage is horrible enough without you licking it! Please stop. Oh no, don't growl. Please no growling. Okay, I'll let you lick me. Why are you pushing me? Please stop pushing me down. Do you want me to roll over? I'll lay on my back so you have easier access. See? Is that better? Okay. He stopped growling. Just lay still. Lay still and let him do what he wants to do. There is no way to stop him, after all. Oh shit, there comes another one.

Please let him take me inside again. I'd never thought I would think that, but I'm so cold. It has been raining for what feels like forever and the leash did not allow me to reach the wooden dog house on the far side of the pen, where all the dogs were sheltering. I'm so miserable, just sitting here, covered in mud and rainwater. Wait. There he comes. Please bring me inside. Please, please please. YES. He's unclipping the carabiner holding my leash in place. Okay. Crawl. Crawl as fast as he wants. don't let up. Don't slow down.

'PAS BOUGER.'

Don't move. Whatever you do. Be a good boy for him. Let him hose you down. Oh that feels good. I thought the water from the hose was cold before, but after the horrible day outside it feels so warm. I'll wag my tail. He likes that a lot. Yes. He smiled briefly. And he is toweling me off, instead of letting me dry by myself as usual. Oh that is so nice. Oh, he clicked his fingers. Yes, I'll follow you. Back down the corridor and to my cage. Called it ''my'' cage again, but I'm too tired to care. Yes, I'll crawl inside. Inside the cramped space. But a safe space for now. Just curl up and lay on my side. He is walking off to feed the dogs. He never feeds me more than once a day, whereas the other dogs get fed twice a day. My stomach rumbles in protest. It is not fair. I'm a human being, damn it! But here I am, getting fed less than actual dogs!

Wait. He is coming back. What is he holding? A newspaper? The Scotsman newspaper. My dad would always read it at breakfast. He is pointing at an article. Wait... it is about me! My disappearance! But... No. No, no no! Please no. It says that the search is at an end, due to insufficient leads! No. No. NO! Please don't leave me here, in the hands of this evil bastard! I can't do this! I don't want to be a pup for the rest of my life! Hold back those tears. Don't give him the satisfaction. But I can't.

The tears blur my vision as I watch him tear off the article and sticks it on the wall, just outside my cage, clearly visible. He then kneeled back down in front of me and with a wide grin on his face, he speaks directly to me for the first time in three months as the despair takes a hold on me:

'Tu es a moi pour toujours.'