"This rebranding is going to kill us! We might as well declare bankruptcy," screamed Hector Maman, the principal of a small-town university in Texas. "What was the board thinking?" he ranted, throwing a bunch of papers across the desk.
"I guess they had to think of something after that sex scandal last year became national news," conceded Coach Aaron Turner. "Anyway, it's not my problem. They want a new and logo, so my cheerleaders will have to get new uniforms. I need you to sign those sanction forms. How you pay for it -- take it up with the board."
"Okay, okay. Have you figured out the uniform's design yet?"
"Yeah. It's basically the same as last year's, with some minor changes in style and color. And, of course, the logo. The PR agency came up with it and it seems fine to me."
"Here," Principal Maman scribbled furiously across a form, "Now get out. I'm sure there's other people waiting outside with similar forms."
Two giant boxes arrived into the locker rooms a week later. Coach sent out word to gather all his cheerleaders. Morale had been down for quite a few months and nothing like new clothes or a pair of shoes to cheer them up. He didn't want to wait till the practice session to break the news.
He stood between the boxes with his legs spread and arms folded across his chest, looking at the semi-circle of the young dance troupe, waiting for them to stop murmuring. "Ladies, I have a surprise for you today" - he knelt down and tapped the boxes - "Christmas has come early for us. Who wants to see what's in here?"
The girls crowded around the boxes and Coach ceremoniously opened them, revealing the blue and gold treasures within. Many of them squealed, some jumped for joy. He handed out two uniforms and a pair of shoes to each girl. "Okay, get back to your classes. Don't be late for practice today."
The girls were measuring the new T-shirts on each others' backs or admiring the new designs. Slowly, they started dispersing. "Mary," called Coach.
"Yes, Coach?"
"I'd like to see you in my office today after practice, please."
"Okay, Coach."
*****
The girls hit the gym at 4:00 p.m. There was a little extra enthusiasm during practice. Assistant Coach Angela ran them through the regular sets and there was no bickering from the girls. At 6:00, she called time, wished them all a good night and left to pack up for the evening. Many of the girls hit the showers. Others who lived nearby would freshen up at home. Mary headed for Coach Turner's office and politely knocked on the door.
"Come in," rang out his raspy voice, hoarse from years of screaming instructions. "Please sit," he pointed to a chair when she poked her head through the door. Mary closed the door behind her and sat down, looking inquiringly at the coach.
"Mary, I know you've joined us from a very conservative convent school, so the principal has been a little lenient with you."
She wasn't sure what he meant about the leniency, so she just said, "Yes, sir. My father was transferred here quite suddenly. I'm grateful to the university for accepting me."
"You also told me on your first day that you really wanted to try out for the cheerleading unit."
"Yes, sir."
"How's it going for you?"
"Coach Angela is really nice to us. She's already taught me how to jump on a trampoline and balance on someone else's shoulders. If I keep practicing, I'm sure I'll be ready for this year's championship."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Mary. The university is tight on finances. We placed only fifth in the championships last year. This year we really need to win it and get the first-place cheque."
"I'll do my best, sir. All the girls are really practicing hard."
"I'm afraid I have some disturbing news, Mary." Her eyes widened. "I can't pick you for this year's squad. We really need a perfect team."
Her face fell. "I swear, I'll work really hard, sir."
"It's not that. There are other reasons."
"What, sir? I'm sure I can work on it."
"It would be inappropriate for me to tell you. You're a young girl. What, just turned 18? You'll have plenty of opportunities to join the squad."
Tears were welling up in Mary's eyes. "Please, sir. I need to know. Why can't I be on the team?"
"Mary, I'm your coach. University policies, especially the new policies, don't allow me to speak to you about things like this."
"I promise I won't tell anyone. Please, sir, just tell me."
Coach Turner stared at Mary for a minute or so in silence. Then he dropped his shoulders in defeat. "Okay, but you mustn't tell anyone, alright?" She nodded. "Please lock the door. I don't want anyone walking in when I tell you."
Mary eagerly hopped over to the door, turned a knob and sat back down. "What is it, sir?" she whispered.
"Your breasts look uneven. They don't look balanced."
"What?" she gasped loudly.
"We've got new, tighter uniforms now and your breasts look like they are different sizes. I'm not sure if they are, but from afar they look that way. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but we need to win this championship and I'm under a lot of pressure to put up perfect girls. I'm sorry. Remember, if you speak of this to anyone, I will simply deny it."
"No, no, I won't tell anyone, but my breasts are fine, sir. I looked at them just this morning."
"Mary, please understand, it's not about whether they are fine or not. It's the appearance. Sure, there are ways to fix it, but with the budget cuts and whatnot, I must simply pick a different girl for this year."
"Can't we just measure them? You'll see that they are both the same size." Her tone was rebellious now. She didn't even call him Coach or Sir. Didn't even say Please.
Coach Turner started twirling a paper weight on his desk. The room was silent for a couple of minutes except for the sound of the glass grinding on the wood. "Okay, I can see that you are determined," the coach gave in. "I'll make a deal with you. We'll measure your breasts, but if it turns out that they are not the same size, then you'll leave me alone?"
"Yes!" squealed Mary triumphantly.
"Remember, I'm doing this as a personal favor to you. No one must know about this."
"Yes, sir."
The coach opened a drawer in his desk, pulled out a measuring tape and stood up. "Please sit here on the desk." Mary walked around to his side of the desk and perched in front of him. Without saying a word, he cupped her right breast in his right hand and weighed it. He then did the same with her left.