A Difficult Confession

Author's Note: This narrative is related in the voice of the woman who told it to me.

*

How, in a span of three months, does a happily married, mid-forties executive find herself seduced by a man less than half her age? What would make her risk so much only to be embarrassed and humiliated? I don't claim to have answers to those questions. I only have my story.

What answers there are, lie, partially at least, in my past. Perhaps the answers are all there. Let me begin.

My name is Ellen. I'm told I am very pretty. Certainly men have always stared...and approached. I'm about five feet two and one hundred and ten pounds. I have breasts but they often go unnoticed unless I go without a bra. My best physical feature is my legs and most desirable is my mouth.

I climax extremely easily which, coupled with my appearance assured that sex would be an important, and sometimes disturbing part of my life. My first orgasm got me sent to the school nurse who sent me home where I was taken to the doctor. A movie star handsome substitute teacher induced a heated flow that I attempted to staunch by squeezing my vaginal muscles and, voilà, instant climax.

"She spazzed out," the classmate assigned to accompany, lest I have another episode, me told the school nurse. I tried to describe what happened but couldn't. To this day, other than saying "something beyond physical pleasure," I have no idea how to adequately put an orgasm into words.

Looking back, I'm sure everyone suspected epilepsy. I explained as best I could to my mother and the doctor but left out anything to do with the sensational contractions I experienced. Guilty knowledge, I suppose, even at that age. That night, in bed, began the long journey that's led to the events of this story and, hopefully, my catharsis in its telling.

In high school, boys frightened me. I discovered they could kiss me to climax. I fought to keep from cumming but it was so difficult. Quickly, spasms would wrack my body. "What's wrong with you?" my dates would ask.

I could masturbate to orgasm by the rhythmic contractions of my thigh and vaginal muscles. I tried using my fingers or objects but nothing was as satisfying as the method I'd used for my first orgasm. I could masturbate, undetected, virtually anywhere and delighted in doing so.

I discovered sucking cock in college and found it added immeasurably to my pleasure as I "jerked myself off." I've heard women say that they can cum just from sucking cock. That's not true for me but I do cum while giving a blowjob. I do it by contracting the muscles in and around my groin. I never touch or finger myself. Not that I can't climax from my own or a partner's digital manipulation. It's just that those methods don't produce the same quality of contractions.

There are also things involving the man and involving the cock that excite me a lot and push me rapidly to orgasm.

To begin with I get very excited about having a cock in my mouth. I can actually feel a man's heartbeat through his penis. Not only that but there are changes in hardness, size, and shape that I can detect with my mouth. I don't think I have any special sensory ability with my mouth but I do have a lot of experience.

The man's reaction to what I'm doing is also additional stimulation. Just feeling the movement of a penis in my mouth seems to directly stimulate me vaginally. It doesn't lead to orgasm by itself but always makes me tremendously excited.

The vast majority of my orgasms occur as the man starts cumming. I like to pull the penis out so that the head just sits on my tongue as he ejaculates. Cum feels very hot on the tongue and that first spurt is always very motivating. Also, feeling the penis getting rock hard just prior to him cumming is a lead in to my own orgasm.

I think that prior to the actual blowjob, the anticipation is a huge part of the building excitement. I like giving head on my knees best. It makes me feel somewhat subservient, a feeling that, strangely, I find. I don't know how else to explain it.

I think I knew almost immediately that I had met my (first) husband when a jock-type guy kissed me at a party a few months into our freshman year. By the third kiss, I had already climaxed in his arms.

Boyd and I embarked on an amazing journey of sexual adventure and debauchery. In addition to our own unrestrained activities when we were alone, we also joined other couples, and sometimes singles, in more secretive, swinging, get togethers.

We were out of control nineteen-year-olds and we didn't care. We were having too much fun and believed we were in love. Boyd proposed and I accepted. Our parents opposed the idea and threatened to defund our educations. We defied them with a certainty reserved only for the young.

We both found menial jobs and a meagerly furnished apartment off campus. Gradually, we drifted away from the college crowd. Our sexual activities became even more outrageous. My boss asked me to pose in a bikini for the company calendar. I said I would if he gave me a raise. I even let him take a few naked pictures with the understanding they were for his private use only.

I jumped into bed with every halfway desirable guy at work, including the boss, who was married. By "jumping into bed" I mean, for the most part, I went down on them. The really, really hot ones got to fuck me too, but mostly I was in it for the blowjobs.

Boyd and I began getting invited to parties with older couples in their twenties and thirties. We were prized for our youth, attractiveness, and adventurousness. I loved getting double-teamed, having two guys hot for me at the same time. I'd take one in my pussy and one in my mouth. I came over and over again as they spit roasted me from both ends. The only demand I made was they had to cum in my mouth. Once the first guy dumped his load, the second guy would take his place between my eager lips. I loved it if the guy in recovery played with my tits while his friend fed me his cum.

I did other things too, like letting three guys penetrate me simultaneously or letting a woman eat my pussy after her husband had cum in it. But my favorites were those doubles, or just a simple guy-standing-me-kneeling BJ. To this day, I love being on my knees feeling my husband's legs buckling as he shoots his cum in my mouth.

For nearly three years, Boyd and I chased sexual pleasure like the addicts we were before the cracks in our marriage began to form. Boyd saw our former classmates beginning to graduate and he fretted that we had been stupid to waste our opportunity. I was having way too much fun to change. Boyd enrolled in college in another city and moved away.

I have no idea how much longer I might have been contented just drifting had Boyd not left me. That he dumped me was a tremendous blow to my ego and I think that shocked me more than anything else. Determined to show Body he'd misjudged me, I went back to school as well. I think I still loved Boyd but we never got back together.

I became a psychology major. They say that psych students are really trying to understand is themselves. That was definitely true with me.

I continued attending swinging parties while pursuing my degree. I was addicted to sex. As a pretty, single woman I was a prized commodity. I began receiving invitations to more upscale events. That's when I began hooking up with Dan, my future (second and present) husband.

I had met Dan and his wife Donna at several parties when Boyd and I were together. Dan was twelve years older than me, and some hotshot young lawyer. His wife was a knockout and bisexual. She was the woman who ate Dan's cum from my pussy.

Dan was a handsome, hulking man who was somewhat under endowed. That's why I liked him. As a cocksucker, I don't enjoy larger men as much as more vaginally oriented women do. His dick was a lovely size for swallowing. Dan appreciated that I sought him out often and that I was young and beautiful.

He also enjoyed watching Boyd fuck Donna almost as much as Donna did...especially if I was going down on him while he watched. After Donna had eaten me a couple of times, she started asking me to return the favor. I was reluctant but with the three of them ganging up on me I did it.

Boyd fucked Donna hard and long before popping off inside her. Donna spread her legs wide for me (and the men) to see. Her cunt was a slick, cummy mess. Pearly streaks were oozing from inside her pussy and running down the crack of her ass.

I moved my face closer and could smell the familiar odor or Boyd's semen. Smell in the most evocative of the senses and I became turned on to a degree. I could also smell the mixture of Donna's juices and they had the opposite affect.

I pushed my face forward and began licking at the white streaks of cum that decorated her labia. I started manipulating Donna's pussy lips, trying to turn her cunt inside out to make sure I got any semen hiding there. I even tongued between the crack of her ass and in and around her budded sphincter in my quest to do the job thoroughly.

Donna loved it and the guys were completely mesmerized. They all told me none had ever seen anything hotter. It was all right but nothing I was eager to do again. It's just not as exciting to me to turn on a woman, even one as beautiful as Donna, as it is turning on a man.

I had taught myself to deep throat and all the guys loved that. It did nothing for me but I like their reactions and offered it frequently.

Dan convinced me his marriage was on the rocks and he and I began seeing each other privately. We also attended parties as a couple, without his wife. By the time I graduated, they had separated and Dan and I were dating openly.

I really got lucky out of college and landed a job with an IT firm specializing in the Internet. The business was exploding and the little firm that had brought me in to organize their course offerings and training materials was doubling every six months. Knowledgeable, motivated consultants are the lifeblood of service businesses like ours and I quickly had a department reporting to me.

Promotions were being handed out like penny candy in those days and I was soon the head of employee development. After seven phenomenal years, growth slowed. The head of human resources was lured away by one of the Fortune Fifty companies. I was completely shocked when the CEO asked me to become the vice president of HR. I was twenty-nine.

Between stock ownership and options it seemed like I had more money than God. When the tech bubble burst, I lost a lot but still came out a very wealthy woman. Our company had more than 9,000 employees in 39 states. I had hired most of its executives.

Dan and I were married when his divorce became final. He was elected a city judge and eventually appointed to the federal bench. We continued our wanton ways but our group of friends had become more exclusive and its activities more discreet.

Over time, Dan took a less active, more observant role at parties. He told me he loved watching me enjoy myself with others. Eventually he stopped having sex with other women all together, attending parties just to socialize and watch me blow some of the guys. When I was forty, we finally stopped attending parties.

Occasionally, we might invite one of the old group over to have sex with me while Dan watched. From the beginning we agreed that each of us would have the freedom to see others for sexual satisfaction only. Dan and I started out on fairly even footing (given a woman has a much easier finding agreeable partners than a man does), but in this area, too, I was to desire and achieve a much higher rate of partnering than Dan was.

After forty, I still saw a few men on the side but it seemed that the wildness of youth phase of my life was coming to a close. For the past two years, for the first time in my life, I've lived monogamously.

Now you are up to date.

The puzzling part of my story began when I acquired a secret admirer of sorts at work. He was a co-op student from a prestigious college and a family friend of our company CEO. He was almost twenty-two and his name was Mick. The boss assigned me to personally oversee his internship and act as his informal mentor. I found out from friends that he was asking a lot of questions about me. A spark of rumor in our office builds quickly into a conflagration and when I got teased about my new "boyfriend" I started digging into what was going on.

From what I was able to determine, he made the statement that I was "hot." I could also tell by the way he looked at me that he was enamored. He looked exactly like that oh-so-good-looking substitute French teacher whose very image induced my first orgasm. That he excited me should have sent me running but I'd turned forty-four recently and was in desperate need of an ego boost. I decided to string him along a little.

For the first month, things moved slowly. I'd occasionally get the "your boyfriend looks nice today" winks from some of the other female managers. I heard that he talked a lot about how "beautiful" I was and about his interest in me. I admit it was flattering.

I deliberately showed little interest in him but, to be honest, would sometimes wear my skirts a little shorter on days I knew we'd have a coaching session. I thought it was cute how he tried to be with me or around me every chance he got. Ann, a colleague, came over with her tray to sit with me at lunch one day and teased "Are you saving this seat for Mick?" I guess his infatuation was noticeable to a lot of people.

At the time I didn't have any more interest in Mick than I did anyone else at work that happens to worship the ground I walk on (just teasing). He was nice and very good-looking but I told myself my interest stopped there. If I had been single or looking for an affair, things would have be a lot different. I was neither so I really didn't see a reason to give him any hope that anything would ever happen.

What's funny is that I didn't dare tell Dan about him. Dan would insist that I flirt with the guy. I didn't think that would be fair since I didn't anticipate anything ever happening. Mick did date and I felt certain he would soon fall in love with a young girl his own age and I'd be only a memory. At the time, I think he hoped I'd be his Mrs. Robinson.

Mick told me he moved into a new apartment and, more than once, asked if I'd help him with the curtains. I didn't give him an answer either way. I'm sure he was thinking more about the rod in his pants than those for the window treatments.

By the end of the month I was thinking more about Mick than was healthy. I had probably become a bit infatuated with him myself. Honestly, I was drawn more by the attention he gave me than him personally. Women generally spend a lot of time on our appearance, to make ourselves attractive. Most of it is for our own self-esteem. In cases like my own, we are not out trying to attract men for sex or a partner. We already have that at home. We like looking good because it makes us feel good about ourselves. The problem is that all too often our efforts go unnoticed. Then someone like Mick comes along and notices. That makes us feel good.

As I've gotten older, I tended to appreciate someone noticing even more. A common joke with women is that once your age becomes a larger number than your chest size, it's over. Don't get me wrong, Dan gave me plenty of compliments but it isn't the same as having another man take notice of me. When that person was a much younger man it reaffirmed that I still "had it." Mick made me feel that way and I was eating it all up. That was why others were taking notice.

I still hadn't told Dan much about Mick. I mentioned him initially but didn't bring him up much after that. I knew Dan would want me to flirt with Mick and see if I could get him to go farther. I know Dan too well. He would likely be more than OK if I gave Mick a quick blowjob. I didn't want Mick to become a subject in our bedroom. Work was also part of it; things could get sticky there. The biggest problem though was Mick himself.

This statement may sound strange but believe me it is very true. If I were absolutely sure I would be just another notch on Mick's bedpost, I actually would have encouraged him more. I got the feeling though that he might be looking for something more than a casual sexual relationship. That was a big problem for me.

My thinking at the time was once I got to know more about him and felt safe enough to know he wouldn't be a threat to my marriage, I would tell Dan and let him nudge me into more flirting with Mick. Until I knew that, things needed to sit where they were.

Mick was more than a little cocky and I thought he was confident that his charms would eventually win me over. He would never win me over I knew but he might just get his rod up one day. Being rebuffed didn't deter Mick. He kept trying. He would go completely out of his way to talk with me. I loved the attention.

One thing I had always found exciting was the freshness of a new relationship. I enjoyed having little talks with Mick where he'd ask about me and tell me about himself. I'm a little ashamed to say I found it exhilarating to again experience that feeling of being desirable and having a new man vie for my affections. It brought to mind the song lyric that "love, like youth, is wasted on the young." No, I wasn't in love with Mick and never would be. I did like the feeling of having someone new want me.

By the middle of the second month of Mick's internship things turned briefly stressful at home. It was really the most minor of things. Dan had always been a huge sports fan. Over the weekend his favorite college and professional football teams lost. Even at his age, that still upsets him. To top things off, Dallas won and he hates the Cowboys. As they say, there was no joy in Mudville.

There was also some pressure on Dan at work and he had not been in any kind of a mood for sexual activity. He really took all of that too seriously and that left me seriously horny.

Mick was becoming even friendlier at the same time. I let it slip about Dan's bad weekend. He offered to help cheer me up by buying me dinner with some pleasant company...him. I only said that I would let him know. He didn't know it but I was seriously thinking about saying yes.

The next day, Mick sought me out. He didn't ask me to dinner again. Instead he asked if there was anywhere special I'd like to go. He certainly was cocky.

"Since everyone will think I'm you mother," I told him, "you should pick a nice family restaurant." Then I reminded him that I was married by asking, "Is my husband invited too or would three be a crowd"?

"Sure, I'd love to meet him," Mick said, surprising me. "But wasn't the idea to get away from his sports depression?" I had to admit the guy was quick and not at all rocked by my obvious jabs.

At the end of the day, Mick was waiting at the receptionist's desk as I walked out. She (the receptionist) is young, attractive, and single. I doubt Mick would have had any trouble sleeping with her. Perhaps he already had. Mick was flirting with her and continued even as I stopped to say good night. Briefly, I wondered if he were trying to make me jealous. I deliberately didn't react because I didn't want Mick to know of my growing interest in him.

"Wait, I'll walk out with you," Mick said abruptly, just as I reached the door.

In the parking lot, the first thing he said was, "Is dinner on for tonight or do I have to wait another day?" If nothing else, had to admire the guy's persistence. I couldn't help noticing, again, how good-looking he was. I could feel my heart beating faster. If only I had met him a few years earlier.

"I only have dinner with my husband but I'm planning on having a coffee on my way home. Would you like to join me?" I couldn't believe I had gone that far! His affect on me was clouding my judgement.