"You May Be Right"
"I'm telling you, Mandy, you are definitely brainwashed! Don't even try to deny it again, okay? I'm sick of hearing 'Oh, I'm just fine, I haven't changed'--after all, that's exactly what a brainwashed person would say. Trust me, you're brainwashed. You just haven't noticed it, that's all."
"And I'm telling you, Clarice, that I am definitely not brainwashed! And that's exactly what a non-brainwashed person would say, too! I am totally the same girl I've always been! I'd notice if there was something wrong with me! Listen to me. I don't sound brainwashed, do I? I don't look brainwashed, do I? No. I am completely, totally, and in all other ways in control of my own mind and body. My thoughts are one hundred percent my own. All right? Can we drop this?"
"Sure, Mandy. We can drop it...if you'll do something for me first. Just do one little thing for me, and I'll admit I was wrong and drop the whole thing for good."
"God, finally! I am so sick of hearing about this! You were seriously starting to creep me out, you sounded so paranoid. So what's this one thing?"
"Try to stand up."
"...I don't feel like it. I don't, that's all! I'm perfectly comfortable down here on my knees--don't look at me like that! It's just a very natural position for me. I enjoy kneeling, it's the right place for me to be, it's where I belong, it's where I've always belonged..."
"There! There, do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"That! That tone in your voice just now! You were speaking in this empty monotone, and your eyes were all glassy and you were just staring straight ahead, zoned out and...and brainwashed!"
"No, I wasn't! I was just, um...lost in thought, that's all."
"You were lost in your programming, is what you were lost in."
"No way, Clarice. There's just no way I'm going to believe you on this one. I'm way too strong-willed to be turned into a sex-crazed, vacant, docile, mindless, obedient...umm...anyway, I am. Besides, how would anyone even be able to 'brainwash' me?"
"Duh, Mandy! You've been listening to that stupid 'sleep learning' thing ever since you flunked your French midterms three weeks ago! Remember, you were all, like, 'God, this textbook is so fucking dull, I might as well try sleep learning, because I fall asleep whenever I read this thing anyway!' And so every night, you fall asleep listening to it, and by the time it gets around to the learning part, you're already snoring. You never even listened to the lessons while you were awake; you probably don't even know what it says. And I'm sure that at some point, the 'learn French' part got replaced with 'become an obedient sex slave', and your brain just soaked it all up every night."
"No. No way. There's no way you could make someone into a helpless, obedient, brainwashed fucktoy, mindless and born to serve, perfectly docile and slutty and...um...and all those other things, just with a sleep learning tape. It probably doesn't even work. Sleep learning is probably just bullshit."
"No, it works, Mandy. I did some reading up on it after you bought the tape, to see whether it was something that could help me with my studying. It really does sink in when you're asleep. And in your case, what's sinking in is 'become an empty-headed fucktoy'."
"Oh, come the fuck on! It's just helping me learn French, that's all."
"All right, then what does 'je voudrais le poulet' mean?"
"Umm...'I something the chicken'..."
"See? See?"
"See what? That just proves it doesn't work at all. If it did, I'd know more French than I do."
