"I am so obsessed with her," Penny read. The words five were years old now, but just reading them seemed to bring some of that passion back. The dark and sweaty nights, the scent of her own sex filling her bedroom as she let her fingers make circles around her clitoris. "I can't help myself sometimes, so I nuzzle into her neck when I hug her just to feel my lips on her neck, even though I can't kiss her. It's always quick, but at least it's something."
Her high school diary was no worse for wear than when she'd left it, though a little dusty. It was really just for a quick laugh that Penny picked it up in the first place. But right there on the first page, she saw the girl's name, and it all came flooding back. She was even a little turned on.
In high school, Miranda Ross was as much a woman as any eighteen year old could be. What she lacked in stature she made up for in grace and poise. Small traces of acne gave away her age, but a tight stomach and a full chest hid it just as well. With a heart-shaped face and heart-shaped lips, she laughed her way into everyone's hearts and left only happy memories.
"She laughs," Penny wrote on one page. "Only girls giggle, but Miranda laughs like a woman."
That was true. Mature, practiced, but still warm and contagious. Not the hee-hee-hee of a girl gossiping about the varsity quarterback. The fluttery ha-ha-ha of a socialite. An intellectual. An adult.
Penny could remember a night when she'd walked over to Miranda's unannounced, hoping to spend the night watching movies and eating popcorn. When she got there, Miranda was sitting on the lawn with a boy, breasts hanging free out of a borrowed cardigan. It was late, the starry night was warm, and neither of them saw Penny through the night. But the sight was enough to drive her mad with lust.
It was the one time Penny lost control.
"I made a mistake," the last page read. "A big mistake. I think everything will be okay, but that doesn't mean what I did was right. Sean, I'm so sorry."
To an unknowing reader, it made no sense, but Penny remembered. On her way back home, feeling her nipples harden and press against her bra, she noticed that she was passing by Sean's house. He was cute, bordering on handsome, and not without his share of admirers. But rarely did he ever give hints at any real attraction to the girls at school.
His was the only car in the driveway, and before she knew it, she was knocking on his door. A moment later he opened it, standing in his socks with a glass of water in hand. "Hey, Penny right?"
She laughed at herself, remembering that sweet look on his face as he pretended not to be confused by her showing up. Standing there at his door, seeing another warm body that close to her, Penny caved and broke her cardinal rule. She reached out to Sean's mind and pulled his id to the steering wheel. And when it grabbed on, she stepped on the gas for it, and said, "Fuck me."
His face grew flush and his pants tight. Sean looked like he was embarrassed to want her so badly, and tried to hide it. But instead, she put one hand to his neck to pull his mouth to hers, and placed the other hand on his jeans where his cock was trying to break free.
Sean's id was hungry. When they reached his bedroom, naked before the doorknob turned, Penny was already dripping with desire. He had no difficulty slipping into her, filling her with a sating thrust. Only afterward did she realize there was no condom. Only after did she understand what she'd done. But during, there was only pleasure. Only one orgasm after another.
Five years later, standing in her bedroom once again, Penny still felt the remorse. Luckily Sean recovered by the next day, happy and healthy. But he did change. He was careful speaking with women now, ashamed of himself so deeply that he could scarcely stand near another girl without one of his own friends there to relieve the tension. Even when Penny heard he'd gotten engaged, she wondered whether he really trusted himself.
But underneath that guilt was the familiar coat of arousal. A mistake it was, but a pleasurable one all the same.
And it was all because of Miranda.
Penny undressed and laid on her bed, letting her fingers dip down below her waist. And once again, she pictured Miranda naked and smiling, using her fingers to make Penny feel like a goddess.