I realize the mistake I made as soon as I walk inside. Miss Sharice's house is warm, almost uncomfortably so, and there's a thick smell of incense hanging like a haze in every room. It feels like just breathing in here is probably illegal in seventeen states. I hesitate as I cross the threshold, the feeling of righteous fury that gripped me dwindling down into a quiet dread in the span of less than a second... but before I can turn, Miss Sharice says, "Please, Lien, come on in," and closes the door behind me. And I know there's no turning back now.
She takes my arm companionably, her dark brown fingers sliding across the cool white cotton of my blouse and guiding me deeper into the house before I can get my bearings. "I'm guessing you're here about Hoa," she says, and I can't detect any trace of hesitation in her voice at all. She's not frightened of me, she's not worried that I'm going to go to the cops or tell Hoa's parents or blast her on social media. She sounds calm, confident, collected as she gently tugs me along and says, "Come on. Let's go see her."
And me? My legs feel like jelly. I'm shaking, I keep wanting to glance back at the door behind me to make sure it's still there but I feel like if I do, Miss Sharice is going to know that I'm nervous. She... she seems like the sort of woman who can use that against you. She seems like someone who can use anything against you. I suddenly feel like my eyes are made of glass, and she can look right inside and see every single secret and vulnerability. Why did I come here? Why did I think I could do this by myself?
"I know she's been acting a little strange lately," Miss Sharice says, carrying on my half of the conversation along with her own. "I'm sure you know what it's like for some girls, though, their first time away from home. They get a little independence, they experience a little bit of life outside the world they're used to, and sometimes they try to run before they can walk." She chuckles, revealing a wide smile of sparkling white teeth behind the slash of bright red lipstick. "Believe me, I've known plenty of girls like Hoa in my time."
I absolutely do. It's a small college, and it only took about two weeks for us to hear about the big white mansion just on the edge of campus with the faded sign out front that said 'Rooms for Rent'. Everyone told us not to rent a room from Miss Sharice, that if you went into her back parlor you'd come back a kinky sex-crazed lesbian if you ever came out at all. And we giggled in that stupid way that freshman girls giggle when they hear about sex or kink or anything that reminds us we're navigating the world of grown-ups now... but Hoa laughed maybe a little too long and a little too hard.
Or maybe that was just my imagination, embellishing the memory so I'd have something I could hang my suspicions on. Maybe she didn't do anything suspicious at all. Maybe she just bumped into Miss Sharice somewhere in town, waiting in line at the coffee shop or something, and Miss Sharice struck up a casual, friendly conversation during that long, tedious wait. And by the time Hoa got her coffee, it seemed like the easiest thing in the world to share it with her new friend. And from there...
I've thought about this a lot over the last three weeks. Maybe too much.
I suddenly realize, as Miss Sharice says, "I'm sure she'll settle down, now that she's found herself," that I've lost track of the path we've taken through the rambling old house. It's such a big place, with half-staircases and winding hallways and rooms that look like they've forgotten what they were for, and just a momentary distraction was all it took to throw my sense of direction off completely. I could search this house for hours and not find the way out. Other people... other people could search this house for hours and never find me.
"I told my friend Ximena where I was going," I suddenly blurt out. It sounds stupid, even to me, and I'm not even a little bit surprised when Miss Sharice lets out a loud, braying laugh and pats my arm with her free hand.
"Well, darling, I'm not going to hurt you!" she says, her voice thick and cloying with mock reassurance. "We're just going to go see your friend Hoa, and then the three of us are going to have a little talk together about how best to put you at your ease. She's talked a lot about you, you know. She knows you've been worrying about her, dating an older woman and all." Miss Sharice gives me a look that's almost theatrically quizzical. "She never told you she was interested in girls, did she?"
