She woke up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat, struggling for breath. Even in dreams she found no peace. Her oblivion lasted only a fraction of a second and then the annihilating reality came crushing down on her. The gripping, clawing feeling in the pit of her belly, working its way up toward her chest, stabbing and tearing. She could hardly eat and she could no longer sleep. No matter how much she tried, she found it impossible to bring her unruly emotions under control. As pathetic as it seemed, there was no way of fooling herself. Infatuated. That is what she had become.
He had rooted himself there, under her skin, flowing in her bloodstream, impregnating her every thought. Despite his absence, he was still coaxing her mind, burrowing deep into the core of her being. She yearned for him with every cell in her miserable body. In a strangely twisted way, even the pain he left her with felt sweet, because it meant that, for a brief moment, he had been hers. The thought that she would have been better off to never having met him did cross her mind, but just to imagine it sent her into a state of panic. Better to suffer the withdrawal than to have never tasted the delights of his passion for her. He had brought her high like no other, bound her to him and then without any explanation, he vanished, leaving her feeling empty and with questions to which she had no answers. She should despise him but instead, she missed him like crazy.
Her head heavy, she got up and went to the bathroom. After she splashed some water in her face, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror, and wished she hadn't. Her cheeks were no longer rosy and the dark circles under her chestnut eyes made her look drawn and tired. She passed her hand over the tangles in her long auburn hair and frowned at herself. Weak. That is what she was and she hated herself for it. It took a long shower to drive the chills out of her body. Without even thinking, she put on the white lace night gown he had bought for her from an expensive French lingerie store, and then, with soft music playing in the background, she lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling, recalling that day when they first kissed.
It was in the winter and there was a blizzard. They walked through a deserted downtown park, with thick snowflakes lashing in their faces, their feet sinking in the deep snow. The peacefulness and quietness around them was beautiful. She could feel the sexual energy building up between them and was certain that he felt it as well from the way his hands kept straying to her waist and back. They came to a secluded enclosure where the park overlooked a frozen river and the suburbs on the other side of the shore. Her hair was blowing in the wind as she turned to face him, leaning back on the guard rail that was bordering a steep drop. His smooth handsome face was calm, his bright blue eyes smiling and his lips were so inviting that it made her grab him by his coat and pull him to her so that she could press her mouth to his.
His response took her by surprise. He kissed her back, his gentleness quickly replaced by the fervor of lust. His tongue tasted sweet and his teeth on her lower lip sent shocks of excitement through her body. He pulled back for a moment, his eyes glued on her lips. Bringing his cold hands to her face, he held her cheeks and kissed her in such a lascivious way, it left her breathless. He then threaded his fingers through her hair, wrapped it around his hands and pulled it so that her head tilted backward and her neck was exposed for his mouth to explore. His lips were soft and wet on her skin, kissing, licking and teasing, making her gasp when they brushed her ear. He sucked on her earlobe and the heat of his breath made her skin cover in goose bumps when he whispered just how hard he was for her.
She remembered the thrill she felt when she saw his eyes widen as she pulled back, opened her coat, provoking him with her cleavage. He let her take his hand and slide it inside her sweater and into her bra. She closed her eyes when he cupped her breast and caressed her hard nipple that turned even harder under his cold fingers. Grabbing her by the waist, he turned her roughly around and pushed his hips onto her ass. His left hand went back to caress her breast and his right hand slid inside her jeans and panties, his fingers coating with her arousal, exploring and penetrating, making her tightly grip the rail guard. The moans that escaped her lips were instantly muffled by the heavy snowfall and carried on the wind in the direction of the river. With his lips against her hair, he nearly drove her crazy as he continued describing his desire for her. She would have given anything to go back to that moment.
With the thoughts of him, she ran her hands slowly over her thin night gown and caressed her body that cried for his touch. She longed to feel the tip of his fingers on her skin, to taste his soft lips and have him lie on top of her. Her left hand circled her round breast and her right hand slipped between her thighs, her back arching at the contact of her fingers with her wet sex. Carried away by the gentle waves of her pleasure, she imagined his tongue and lips on her. She was startled when the phone suddenly rang. Wondering who could be calling so late in the night, she answered with a shaking voice.
"Hello?"
Long silence, but she could hear someone breathing.
"Who is it?" she asked, ignoring her intuition in fear of bitter disappointment.
"I miss you."
The sound of his voice had the effect of a needle piercing her skin and plunging into her vein and his words were the fix she had been craving the most. Straight into her blood, it sent her heart racing and her head spinning. All that time she had been preparing to face him had been wasted. She could not think of anything coherent to say. Her mind was overpowered by the raging and contradicting feelings inside her.
"Let me in."
