Um

"Um..."

"We both know why you've come here today. There's no shame in admitting it. You want to stop thinking for a while. Not forever--you don't want to turn that pretty brain off, you simply want to pause it for a little bit. But you can't do that all by yourself, at least not yet. You need someone to help you, to teach you how to stop thinking and let yourself rest in mindless bliss for a little while. And that's why you came to me.

"Now, they used to teach people to still their minds by repeating a mantra--a word or a phrase that you could repeat over and over and over again until it was the only thing you were able to think about. Your conscious mind--the part of you that thinks in words, that narrates your train of thought and makes decisions--would be filled, completely and totally, with that mantra, until only your subconscious mind was able to listen and react. Your subconscious mind absorbed whatever it was told, but the part of you that thought critically was only thinking of the mantra.

"I know. It sounds so wonderful already, doesn't it?

"Now traditionally, the mantra that people used to still their minds when meditating was the word 'Om'. But that word has a lot of deep and sacred meaning, and we're looking to stop your mind today mostly because...well, because it feels so nice to stop thinking and let someone else take charge for a little while. It's alright to admit that. So we're going to find a different mantra, one that's a little more appropriate for the fun we're having together. Let's choose a different word. Let's choose 'um'.

"I know it sounds silly at first, but when you think about it, 'um' is a very powerful thought-stopping word. You've probably had plenty of times when you were in the middle of a train of thought, or perhaps even just trying to start one up, and your brain simply...stopped. That story you constantly tell yourself in your head, a narrative of your thoughts and decisions and actions as you take them, just melted away into nothing. And all that was left was a single word, one you maybe even said out loud. 'Um...'

"And you've always thought that you said 'um...' simply because you didn't have anything else to say, but...what if it was the other way around? What if every time that 'um' slipped into your head, it broke up your train of thought and left only itself for you to think? What if that simple, silly little word popped every thought in your mind like they were tiny soap bubbles every time you said it, every time you thought it, until all that you could think was 'Um...'

"That would make it a very powerful mantra, wouldn't it? Before you respond, before you even think to respond, I want you to try something. Just try thinking to yourself, 'Um...' Imagine yourself in that moment, having nothing to say, nothing even to think, and trying to spark an idea in your head. But all that comes to you is one word. 'Um.' Try saying it to yourself, and feel how it makes your head go so wonderfully blank for a moment.

"And of course, one of the nicest things about 'um' is that it's infectious. Once your brain stutters out of step with its train of thought, you go from one 'um' to the next, trying to regain it. When you said 'um' for me just now, instead of responding, you needed to go back in your mind to try to recover the response you came up with before 'um' melted it all away. But every time you went back in your mind, you went back to that moment of confusion, that blissful blank moment of 'Um...' And your thoughts popped all over again.

"Which is good. We both want your brain to be blank, we both want you to struggle to think and to eventually realize just how good it feels to lose that fight. You can let your thoughts skip from 'um' to 'um' to 'ummm...' like rocks skimming across the surface of a pond, knowing that eventually the momentum runs out and that thought gets so heavy that it sinks without a trace. You can repeat 'um' to yourself, feeling the delicious way that it interrupts your thoughts every time and forces you to scramble back and recover them. And you can love, absolutely love the way that it gets a little bit harder every time.

"Because the blanker your mind gets, the harder it gets to think. And what happens every time you have trouble thinking? You know exactly what you do, don't you? You say, 'Um.' Maybe you only say it in the privacy of your head, maybe you say it out loud and hear the way the long, sustained hum at the end becomes almost a word in and of itself. You don't think when you say, 'Um', you just speak the sound and let your brain go silent for a moment except for that hum. It's like white noise, a soft and gentle static that cancels out everything else in your head. You can go ahead and say it again if you like.

"And it's so simple to use that soft, fuzzy static to clear out every last thought in your mind, now that you've got the hang of it. Simply repeat that word, 'Um', every time you catch yourself starting to think. Let it interrupt that thought, breaking it up into tiny little pieces that melt away into the white noise in the back of your head. The more you do it, the better you get at it and the better it feels to train your brain to stop thinking. Every 'um' comes quicker, pops your train of thought faster and faster as you think less and less. An 'um' after every sentence becomes an 'um' after every five words, and that becomes an 'um' after every four words, then three. Then an 'um' after every two words, then every other word, until all you can think is, 'Um...'

"You can feel it now, echoing in your head, the new narrative of your blank and foggy mind. 'Um. Um. Um.' You don't need to think in words anymore, not when you can keep your brain smooth and open and ready to be programmed. Because now that you've stopped thinking, we can admit that's what you really wanted all along, isn't it? It wasn't enough to stop thinking, you wanted someone else to do the thinking for you while you put your thoughts on pause and simply obeyed. That's okay. You know that everything we do together while your mind is empty and obedient is going to be safe, so you can keep repeating that 'um' and let your unconscious self follow my instructions.

"That's right. It feels so good to be blank and thoughtless. It feels sensual and warm and erotic, and if you're safe and comfortable doing so, you can go ahead and slip out of any clothing you're wearing and let yourself act on those feelings. If it's not safe, you can just imagine doing all that, just like you might simply be imagining yourself repeating 'um' for me, but it's still going to feel just as good. And it's going to feel better and better as we go.

"Because with every repetition of 'um', you're going to feel your mind go more and more perfectly still. And when your mind goes still, my words sink in deeper. And when my words sink in deeper, you can relax and let go because you know that someone else is taking care of all the thinking for you right now. And when you relax and let go, you can feel all that pleasure building as you reach down between your legs and begin to touch yourself for me. Nothing to get in the way of that bliss, nothing to come between you and that pleasure. Your mind is lost in 'um', and your body can find all that desire and arousal as it builds and builds.

"It's okay to give in to that pleasure. It's okay to drift in the mindless bliss, letting your mouth and your mind fill up with 'um' after 'um' after 'um' while your body follows my instructions and my words slip past your mantra to sink deeper and deeper into your empty head. You want to be empty like this for me. You want to be filled with my will and my pleasure. There's no shame to that, no embarrassment. You know those thoughts will come back when we're ready, so you can be my blank and mindless toy for a while. And doesn't that feel so good? Of course it does.

"And better now. And better. Letting your fingers touch and rub in exactly the best way to bring you the pleasure I want you to experience, the deep and powerful ecstasy that comes from simply listening and obeying without thought. You can't think and you don't want to think, you simply want to repeat your mantra and let the bliss of obedience overwhelm you. It's okay to want to obey. It's okay to want to surrender. It's okay to let go and play with your body by my will. That's it.

"You're doing so well now, feeling the pleasure flow more and more strongly, more and more powerfully, blanking your mind even more than your mantra as the pace of your play speeds up faster and faster until your hand is a blur between your legs. You need to release that pleasure soon, you need to let it wash through you and over you and accept the blank bliss of mindless obedience, but you also know you need to obey. Obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience, and you know that the strongest pleasure comes from the strongest obedience so no matter how overwhelming that arousal and that desire becomes, you're going to wait. You're going to wait for my command. My words, telling you to...

"COME. Come for me now, let it all out, going blanker and blanker and deeper and deeper and further into mindless, obedient ecstasy for me. No more thoughts, no need for thoughts at all, just floating on your mantra and letting the orgasm take you, your mind coming again now, skimming like a stone on a pond from climax to climax, until finally, inexorably, helplessly, it sinks. It sinks down, and down, and down, into perfect, still blankness. That's right. Just like that.

"And if your unconscious mind feels safe and comfortable doing so, you can remember the power of that very special word, 'um', whenever we're together like this. Whenever we're in a space where you feel safe and comfortable, you'll find that when I say that word, 'um', it has just the same effect as when you say it. It interrupts your mind, it pops the train of thought in your head just like a soap bubble, until it's easier just to repeat it than to think about whatever you were saying. And so you'll reach this wonderful, mindless state that much quicker and easier and more effortlessly. And it's okay to want that.

"But of course, we're only pausing your mind. That's very important to remember--nothing's lost when you and I come back to this special place. You're only letting those thoughts slip away for a little while, and every time you go blank like this you can always let those thoughts return. You don't have to think 'um', not if you really don't want to. You can always turn back on that flow of thoughts, perhaps a little bit sluggishly at first as you come back up from that soft and fuzzy state of mind but coming back easier and easier now as you remember how to engage that wonderful brain of yours.

"And if it helps any, you can imagine me counting you back up, telling your brain that it's time to begin thinking again and of course the part of you that wants to obey wants to obey that command just as easily, so you know that you can hear me say 'one', your mind beginning to regain its focus. And 'two', coming back more and more, feeling refreshed and happy. And 'three', becoming more aware of your surroundings. And 'four', almost all the way back, getting ready to put those clothes back on if you need to and go on with your day...

"And 'five'. Wake."

THE END